Should I feel bad for not wanting my boyfriend's mum at my "baby shower"?

lulu_92

I'm 26 weeks pregnant. All through my pregnancy I was adamant that I didn't want a baby shower for many reasons. My mum asked today if I wanted one because she would like to sort one for me. I said yes but on the basis that it was only my female relatives and a few close friends and we'd just be sitting drinking tea and eating cake. Including all of the children this comes to about 20 people, which already seems like a lot of people to be in my mum's house at one time, but she is okay with the number.

My mum then asked if I wanted my OH's mum and sisters there. I honestly said that I didn't want them there and that was that. There are a few reasons for this decision, but I suppose it boils down to what I'd prefer.

I spoke to a couple of friends today about this and they have said that I'm wrong for not wanting them there because the babies will be their grandchildren/nieces too. Which I totally get. But for the sake of one day is it really such an issue?

Peter333

Your boyfriend's mum isn't going to be very chuffed at being left out is she? And neither are your husband's aunts. I wouldn't be, and I wouldn't imagine many others would be either.

What does your boyfriend think? Have you asked him how he thinks his mum would feel at being left out of your 'baby shower?'

What it boils down to, is that this child is going to be just as important to your boyfriend's relatives as yours.

I wouldn't leave them out personally. Seems a bit mean. It's only one evening of your life. Leave them out by all means, but be prepared for the fall-out afterwards.... and it may not easily blow over.

tea_lover

Honestly, it does seem a bit churlish to invite 20 people (so not exactly close relatives only!) but exclude your babies' other grandmother. With that many people there it's not like you'd have to deal with them too much - plenty of others to mingle with.

Pollycat

lulu_92 wrote: »

I'm 26 weeks pregnant. All through my pregnancy I was adamant that I didn't want a baby shower for many reasons. My mum asked today if I wanted one because she would like to sort one for me. I said yes but on the basis that it was only my female relatives and a few close friends and we'd just be sitting drinking tea and eating cake. Including all of the children this comes to about 20 people, which already seems like a lot of people to be in my mum's house at one time, but she is okay with the number.

My mum then asked if I wanted my OH's mum and sisters there. I honestly said that I didn't want them there and that was that. There are a few reasons for this decision, but I suppose it boils down to what I'd prefer.

I spoke to a couple of friends today about this and they have said that I'm wrong for not wanting them there because the babies will be their grandchildren/nieces too. Which I totally get. But for the sake of one day is it really such an issue?

Your baby shower may only last for a day but it's more than possible that if you only invite your family and exclude your in-laws, you could be risking resentment/bad feeling for years.

What is your OH's opinion on his family being excluded?

Personally, if I'd been so adamant about not wanting a baby shower, I think I would have stick to my guns.

[Deleted User]

It's all a bit like wedding planning - decisions will get remembered.

You not wanting them basically announces that you publicly don't want them involved with you or your future baby. Is that what you actually want?

surveyqueenuk

lulu_92 wrote: »

I'm 26 weeks pregnant. All through my pregnancy I was adamant that I didn't want a baby shower for many reasons. My mum asked today if I wanted one because she would like to sort one for me. I said yes but on the basis that it was only my female relatives and a few close friends and we'd just be sitting drinking tea and eating cake. Including all of the children this comes to about 20 people, which already seems like a lot of people to be in my mum's house at one time, but she is okay with the number.

My mum then asked if I wanted my OH's mum and sisters there. I honestly said that I didn't want them there and that was that. There are a few reasons for this decision, but I suppose it boils down to what I'd prefer.

I spoke to a couple of friends today about this and they have said that I'm wrong for not wanting them there because the babies will be their grandchildren/nieces too. Which I totally get. But for the sake of one day is it really such an issue?

Are the two bits in bold related at all?

onlyroz

I wasn't invited to my sister-in-law's baby shower and I wasn't fussed because I think they're a horrible tradition, and it would have meant driving about 90 minutes each way to get there and back.


However, I can see why close relatives would feel put out if they realised that they didn't even make the top 20 on the importance scale.

Darksparkle

To me it depends entirely on your (and your OHs) relationship with them.

I personally wouldn't have one, couldn't imagine having my mum, OHs mum and both step mums all in the same room.

Will need to at our wedding right enough.

pollypenny

I would feel very hurt if I was not invited to a baby showers for my soon-to-be grandchild!

If my DIL had one for just friends that would be fine, but once older family are involved the two future grandmothers should be priority.

Alikay

I think you're being a bit mean, but it's your baby shower - your choice who comes.

lulu_92

20 people is me, my mum, my sister and step-sister then my two aunties, and my grandma, then probably 3-4 friends. They just have a lot of kids between them :rotfl:

I guess I'm not too knowledgable on the etiquette of baby showers, as I've never been to one, so I always found them to be something the mum to be does with her side of the family (similar to a hen party, although I know some people invite in laws on these). I don't know.

OH hasn't been told there's a shower yet as he's at work so not had chance to see him. In all honesty I don't know how he will react. He'll either not be bothered or he will be annoyed.

I'm not not-inviting them to be mean, although I appreciate it comes across that way.