How do I tactfully tell partner that his jacket is hideous?

heuchera

nicter wrote: »

Huechera
Off topic I know but ...The picture you posted of the black shoes .... Are they for sale somewhere ? I love them

I just found them on google images, but the web page appears to be selling them

http://www.aliexpress.com/store/product/Plus-Size-35-43-Shoes-Women-Thick-Heel-Young-Girl-Lady-Bowtie-High-Heels-Office-Shoes/1083702_1935090182.html

They're really cheap, too, only trouble is, the price is in dollars. Looks like they ship to the UK though

*max* wrote: »

I can't believe a couple of people here are agreeing with OP because the jacket "looks awful on him" or whatever else, she should say something or at least "nudge" him in the right direction (ie: hers!).

Who gives a cr4p what he looks like? Why should the opinion of other people matter? The jacket gives him comfort, he is in pain, he's grieving.

Leave the poor man be!

This is NO time for the stupid fashion police to rear its ugly head, really it's not. Have some compassion, some empathy? Unbelievable.

If the above is aimed at me, I can see the OP's point of view. A lot of people on here can't. It would have been helpful if she'd been able to come back and clarify a few points, but thanks to people's hostile replies that's unlikely to happen now.

LilElvis

nicter wrote: »

Huechera
Off topic I know but ...The picture you posted of the black shoes .... Are they for sale somewhere ? I love them

Orla Kiely does some similar, retro styles for Clarks, though they aren't cheap.


http://www.clarks.co.uk/features/orla-kiely?cm_mmc=BING-_-B:%20Orla%20Kiely-_-Orla%20Kiely%20-%20BMM-_-+clarks%20+orla%20+kiely&tmcampid=9&tmad=c&tmplaceref=bing&tmclickref=+clarks%20+orla%20+kiely

Pollycat

heuchera wrote: »

If the above is aimed at me, I can see the OP's point of view. A lot of people on here can't. It would have been helpful if she'd been able to come back and clarify a few points, but thanks to people's hostile replies that's unlikely to happen now.

A lot of the replies disagreed with the OP's viewpoint.

That's hardly a surprise on a public forum when you ask random strangers for their opinions.

You may think the replies are hostile.
The OP asked how she could 'tactfully tell partner that his jacket is hideous' and most people replied that she shouldn't say anything.

heuchera

Pollycat wrote: »

A lot of the replies disagreed with the OP's viewpoint.

That's hardly a surprise on a public forum when you ask random strangers for their opinions.

You may think the replies are hostile.
The OP asked how she could 'tactfully tell partner that his jacket is hideous' and most people replied that she shouldn't say anything.

I don't think they were hostile, there is no doubt about it. I can't multi-quote more than 3 posts, but to just take 2 at random

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Well aren't you the lovely supportive partner?

The fact you're even thinking of destroying something of great importance is disgusting.

Shallow is exactly the first word that comes to mind.

That's if this is even real of course?

Mupette wrote: »

This is just a spam school kid joke post right?

Not hostile? :think:

vacationgirl

My sister-in-law kept her mother's make-up compact and lipstick, she used to use them sometimes which I found a bit spooky but never said anything to her. It was part of her grieving process and in time she put them in a draw as keepsakes.

getmore4less

Many of us turn into our parents as we get older their death puts us one step closer.

I kept quite a few bits of my dads(6y now) the red fleece hat is getting used a lot this winter.

The long grey overcoat very much not me but getting to like it has had a few outings for funerals.

It could be that he know she does not like it and that contributes to the pleasure he gets from wearing it.

Counting_Pennies_2

I have been a member of these forums for over 10 years and I can honestly say I have received more hostility towards me in the last few years than at the beginning.


My views, contributions and needs in my posts have not changed. I find it has become easier for people to hide behind their anonymous usernames and not consider people's feelings.


I have suffered from PND and had some other pretty awful times, and the support and advice these forums gave me in my darkest hours some 8 years ago probably helped saved me from severe harm and enabled me to get the support I needed to get out of my black hole.


However in more recent times, this last year especially I have learnt not to come on in times of most need as the advice is scathing and assassinating of my personality.


I have seen many people hounded out of these forums through careless and thoughtless attitudes of others. Please remember a lot of people come on these forums for advice and it is nicer to treat them kindly and not to tear them to strips.


Glass houses and all that!!

Person_one

heuchera wrote: »

I don't think they were hostile, there is no doubt about it. I can't multi-quote more than 3 posts, but to just take 2 at random





Not hostile? :think:

Sometimes a bit of hostility is warranted.

When you post something this awful, the people reading it in horror have no duty to sugarcoat or temper their responses. The OP deserved, and possibly needed, to know exactly what most people think about the way she's thinking.

*max*

My reply was absolutely hostile, and I don't regret it for one second.

I cannot put myself in the OP's shoes, because her thinking is simply alien to me, and utterly wrong to me on a deep level.

If she had asked the same question had her OH simply bought something she didn't like, I have no doubt she would have received similar answers, albeit not as scathing. The replies she got were highly emotive, I imagine, because what she is contemplating is simply cruel, and so lacking in empathy and understanding, that it is near-impossible to comprehend for most people.

It not the jacket that is hideous, it's her thinking she has a right to not only say something to her OH about it, but even interfere with it ("accidentally-on purpose" ruin it?) simply because she does not like the look of it. I find this utterly awful.

paddy's_mum

*max* wrote: »

thinking she has a right ..... interfere with it ("accidentally-on purpose" ruin it?) simply because she does not like the look of it

I must say that I agree with this bit and it was that, in the original post, that shocked me.

One wonders what the OP would have felt if she had pre-deceased her husband, he chose to wear her pretty, feminine engagement ring on a chain round his neck and others mocked him for it.

It strikes me that the so-called friends and the silly daughter should have enough of a grasp of basic good manners to have kept their opinions to themselves.

There is no respect for the poor man in what was written in the OP and I do hope that she has come to realise how unkind her words actually were.