How do I tactfully tell partner that his jacket is hideous?

seven-day-weekend

He is just grieving, leave him be, the jacket is of no importance and he will ditch it if and when he is ready. If in two years' time he is still wearing it, you could try saying, 'you know, I think that jacket makes you look old, why don't you wear your nice blue one that matches your eyes' or something similar, but not at the moment.

I know someone who once said to me, quite seriously, about her husband, 'would you want to be with a man who wore slippers like that?' I could not believe that it bothered her so much. They were divorced a year later. (Not saying this is going to happen top the OP! Just an illustration of making irrelevancies important.).

pebbles88

balletshoes wrote: »

and I had no idea what you and Suki were talking about - I use the "old" style forum on my laptop, but when I had a look on my phone I saw Suki's waving hand - I like it .

I've stuck to the old style on my phone & PC, I can't bear the new style!

Loz01

Is it really worth a thought OP, the poor guy has lost his Dad, there's bigger issues to worry about than a piece of clothing.

duchy

heuchera wrote: »

:wall:


You just don't stop, do you. Till people/the world sees things the same way you do.

Bless your heart

Pot, Kettle :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

suki1964

duchy wrote: »

Oh dear , oh dear

I think the poster means I don't roll over when s/he demands it.
Shame that !
I don't claim to be perfect but I do understand the difference between debate and getting catty when someone doesn't agree with me. Unlike heuchera.......

Still I shan't be losing any sleep over it - but thanks for the nice PMs

<<<<<sulking now as Ive still not been Pm'd

belfastgirl23

The OP was obviously trying to think about how to be tactful in her initial post. I would read into this that she's a decent person. If you feel she shouldn't mention the coat, that's fine to say, it's good to get different opinions on things. It's also good to give her examples of the fact that other people have behaved like this as well, it gives her a frame of reference in which to think about her DPs behaviour. But I don't know that it's helpful to say that she's somehow an uncaring person. Note that she has not burned or lost the jacket and she's come here to ask for advice - that does not seem to me to be the action of someone who doesn't care.

The OP is trying to figure something out here, I don't think it's helpful to judge her for that. She is also probably grieving the loss of her FIL and trying to support both her DP and her child through it as well. It's good advice to say she should cut her DP some slack but I'd just say the same applies to her - we should cut her some slack too. She's in a situation not of her own making and I'd guess the jacket is the tip of an iceberg. People change through grief and it's uncharted territory for many of us. She's most likely doing her best and I think we should try to be kind about her motivations rather than judging someone who is already under a fair degree of strain.

I'm speaking from the POV of someone who lately supported DH through the death of a beloved parent. At times I did and said things I'm not proud of - because I was tired and sad and overwhelmed and because living with an imminent death is very tough for everyone. That is not to underestimate what he was going through, of course it was much much worse, but it was tough on me as well. And whilst I pushed myself to the limit to support him (both emotionally and practically), I sometimes wasn't able to be 100% supportive. Does that make me a bad person?

catkins

missbiggles1 wrote: »

If we're talking about big moral issues (as opposed to favourite colours) then opposite opinions can't both be right. As examples, either capital punishment is wrong or it isn't and either women are inferior to men or they're not.

There'll obviously be different opinions on both those issues but I just don't believe that both points of view can be right.

I don't see how you can say something like capital punishment is wrong or right. To some people it is wrong and to others it isn't. Who gets to decide which view is the right one? Obviously in this country it is viewed by the government as being wrong but not by all of the public. In America in some states it is obviously viewed as being right.


Everyone who has a view must surely believe their view is the right one?


On a topic such as the one being discussed on this thread I don't see there is a clear cut right answer but some of the posters seem to think there is and it's their one

missbiggles1

catkins wrote: »

I don't see how you can say something like capital punishment is wrong or right. To some people it is wrong and to others it isn't. Who gets to decide which view is the right one? Obviously in this country it is viewed by the government as being wrong but not by all of the public. In America in some states it is obviously viewed as being right.


Everyone who has a view must surely believe their view is the right one?


On a topic such as the one being discussed on this thread I don't see there is a clear cut right answer but some of the posters seem to think there is and it's their one

Yes!!! - that's exactly what I've been saying.:T