How do I tactfully tell partner that his jacket is hideous?

Portia82

My partner's father died recently, and we have been helping his mum clear out some of his things. He had some very nice, good quality clothes, and my partner took a few shirts and jumpers that are lovely. However, he also took a jacket that is truly awful. It's beige, anorak-y, and adds years to him (his father was in his 80's, my partner is in his mid 50's). The style that comes to mind is a slightly less stylish Roy Cropper. It's so out of character for him - I wouldn't call him a snappy dresser, but he always looks good, and were it not for the fact that this had belonged to his dad, I honestly think he would never have actually bought anything like this.

Some very good friends came to stay at the weekend, and one of them actually said to me !!!!!! is with the jacket - I said thank goodness it's not just me then! Our teenage daughter also thinks it's hideous.

I'm not completely heartless and shallow, I do realise there's more going on here than just the jacket, and it's all tied up with grieving for his dad, but short of burning it or "accidentally" ruining it in the wash, how can I tactfully say that it really does nothing for him?

Mojisola

Portia82 wrote: »

My partner's father died recently

I'm not completely heartless and shallow, I do realise there's more going on here than just the jacket, and it's all tied up with grieving for his dad, but short of burning it or "accidentally" ruining it in the wash, how can I tactfully say that it really does nothing for him?

So just give him time to grieve - the chances are that he will realise himself that it's not his style as his emotions settle down.

He's coping with his father's death - support him instead of worrying about how he's dressed.

tea_lover

How does it affect you that he's wearing a jacket you don't like? He can wear whatever the hell he likes surely? Even more so when he's clearly grieving and finding some comfort in wearing his dad's jacket.

pinkteapot

Wholeheartedly agree with tea lover.

I have a few pieces of clothing and some crazy shoes (I love Irregular Choice!) that my hubby HATES. I don't care - wearing them makes me happy.

I wouldn't say anything at the best of times, let alone when he's just lost his dad.

And the friend is rude for commenting to you.

Pollycat

Portia82 wrote: »

I'm not completely heartless and shallow, I do realise there's more going on here than just the jacket, and it's all tied up with grieving for his dad, but short of burning it or "accidentally" ruining it in the wash, how can I tactfully say that it really does nothing for him?

I think this is awful - I hope you weren't serious about either of these options.

I'm with the others - you should say nothing.

My OH wears a jacket that I dislike, he also gets lots of stick from friends about it.
But he's the one wearing it.
I stick it in the washing machine and as soon as it's dry, he puts it on again.

benrben

Does it really matter? Not the end of the world is it? Tell your daughter & friends not to be so shallow & let him get on with it.

Pollycat

benrben wrote: »

Does it really matter? Not the end of the world is it? Tell your daughter & friends not to be so shallow & let him get on with it.

It's not just the OP's daughter and friends though - the OP has said she thinks it's awful too:

Portia82 wrote: »

However, he also took a jacket that is truly awful. It's beige, anorak-y, and adds years to him (his father was in his 80's, my partner is in his mid 50's). The style that comes to mind is a slightly less stylish Roy Cropper. It's so out of character for him - I wouldn't call him a snappy dresser, but he always looks good, and were it not for the fact that this had belonged to his dad, I honestly think he would never have actually bought anything like this.

Some very good friends came to stay at the weekend, and one of them actually said to me !!!!!! is with the jacket - I said thank goodness it's not just me then! Our teenage daughter also thinks it's hideous.

I'm not completely heartless and shallow, I do realise there's more going on here than just the jacket, and it's all tied up with grieving for his dad, but short of burning it or "accidentally" ruining it in the wash, how can I tactfully say that it really does nothing for him?

I would hope that if my partner had recently lost his Dad, I'd be more concerned about his well-being than his lack of sartorial elegance.

no1catman

And besides - Roy Cropper is one of the few 'decent' characters in Corrie!

Mayflower10cat

Agree - bite your tongue and let it go. I have a few items of clothing that were presents from dear friends, who died before their time, and I would never part with them (I did wear them out of love but they aren't to my taste/don't fit me very well.) But I remember the friend and the care they put into choosing the presents and that's what's important.

Faith177

As someone who recently lost a parent I can sympathise with your husband. I had to clear my mum's house and I brought nearly everything back but a lot of it is still in boxes but I just don't have the heart to go through them as it's too much for me I manage a couple of boxes every now and then but I normally end up in tears

I am so lucky my OH isn't like you OP and just kept out of it while I was packing he helped but never once questioned the things I was keeping it just wasn't the time to worry about those kinds of things.

I have gotten rid of somethings as I've gone a long but even that was hard. I was incredibly close to my mum and lost her suddenly. I have clung on to anything that even gives me a glimmer of a reminder of her. I have worn some of her clothes since I cleared the house some probably were well past their best faded, torn ect but they smelt of my mum and when I just needed to have her there they brought a great deal of comfort.

My nan still sleeps with my mum's dressing gown as when my mum was ill and staying with her my nan said there was always space in her bed if she felt scared. To anyone else she would sound like a silly old bat but I get it and know that for those that are left behind after a loss you don't care anymore you just want to have a little bit of the person you loved with you at all times

So do your husband a favour just leave him be

benrben

Pollycat wrote: »

It's not just the OP's daughter and friends though - the OP has said she thinks it's awful too:.

I was being polite, hoping that if I inferred that the daughter/friends were shallow & disrespectful it may have rubbed off on her too.

Having just lost my sister/surrogate mum on xmas eve, I can honestly say, OP if I wanted to squeeze my size 16 body into her size 10 clothes for comfort/to be close to her, I would do so, I expect I'd look a complete shambles, but I wouldn't care & if anyone dared comment (& that would include my oh/kids/friends), they could go boil their heads.