How do I tactfully tell partner that his jacket is hideous?

pigpen

I'd suggest leaving it in the wardrobe because it doesn't do him any favours.. I wouldn't suggest getting rid and certainly wouldn't damage it.. I'd say I know it was his dads and all that but his dad was 30 years older and suggest we save it until he is 80..

If I had something that made me look old (or like mutton!!) and was not flattering I would hope someone would care enough to tell me! Regardless of who it had previously belonged to..

I have items my OH hates but even by his admission they look fine.. on me.. if they didn't I'd want him to say so! We can both wear whatever we like but have a duty to tell each other when something looks awful.. or wonderful!

gettingtheresometime

heuchera wrote: »

I agree but a watch or an item of jewellery is a bit different to wearing an elderly person's clothing/shoes/nightdress etc :eek:

I hope OP comes back to the thread, but I have my doubts whether she will.

Well my mum (73 so probably qualifies as elderly but it's a brave person who tells her) often off loads clothes that she's bought, but never worn onto me.


But I guess per una covers all ages or is that part of m&s' problem?

balletshoes

Counting_Pennies wrote: »

I would expect and thank my husband to let me know if I was wearing something he thought truly dreadful. That is as long as it is done tactfully

Why? It might be truly dreadful to your husband's eye, but to you, or your friends, or anyone else, they might love it on you?
I'm not in the habit of asking anyone how I look, so I'd only appreciate a "honestly? I hate that jacket on you" if I asked the question in the first place. Similarly, I won't offer an "I don't like that on you" opinion on my husband's choice of clothing unless he asks me what I think. His choice to wear what he likes, just like its my choice to wear what I like.

OP support your husband, if he gets comfort out of wearing that coat right now (or even years from now) thats his choice.

Ben84

I wouldn't worry too much about it. Spend time on things that are most important, and right now things like being supportive are I imagine much more important than the coat.

heuchera

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

But I guess per una covers all ages or is that part of m&s' problem?

I think Per Una was originally meant for middle-aged women, maybe around age 40.. but older women started buying them thinking it would make them look younger, and as a result they changed their styles and shapes to suit the older women.

They're now usually worn by women from about 50-90 :rotfl:

nicter

Huechera
Off topic I know but ...The picture you posted of the black shoes .... Are they for sale somewhere ? I love them

meritaten

it isn't unusual for people to keep an item of clothing from a loved one. or even to wear it. I wouldn't, but that's just me and I totally understand the comfort that can be gained from 'feeling' them around you.
at the same time - I can understand the OP being concerned if her OH is suddenly wearing clothes that are 'out of character'.
but - destroying those clothes? OH NO! that's cruel.
give him time and those clothes will probably be relegated to 'rarely seen'. but if he keeps them and it gives him comfort, she is totally out of order to try to destroy that.

Mr_Toad

Just skimmed through this thread rather than read it properly but I have an observation to make.

My father died 2 years ago aged 84 and while clearing his stuff out I found a pair of driving gloves in the car. They are decades old, I remember him wearing them in the 60s, leather front with a knitted/string back. They are obviously well made and must have been expensive.

I put them on and if you can excuse the pun, they fitted me like a glove.

More importantly the smelled of 'Dad' and I was transported back to being a boy and sitting next to Dad in the car as we hurtled along. They now live in my car and I wear them occasionally, I don't were them a lot because I don't want my smell to replace Dad's. Also I don't want to wear them out

When I do put them on I feel so close to him and I find it oddly comforting, as if he's driving and I'm sitting at the side of him again. I also have my father's watch that I wear regularly, alternating it with the one Mum and Dad bought me for my 21st birthday, but it doesn't do anything like the gloves, it doesn't trigger memories or anything like that.

Perhaps, OP, when he's wearing the coat he can smell his father and gets comfort from it. After all smell is one of the greatest triggers of old memories.

benrben

I was thinking about this thread last night & have decided it must be a wind up. Surely no-one could be that crass & shallow could they?

pebbles88

benrben wrote: »

I was thinking about this thread last night & have decided it must be a wind up. Surely no-one could be that crass & shallow could they?

My mum used to wear a shirt of my dads after he died, it was quite threadbare after a while and did drown my mums frame, but I never ever gave it a thought when she wore it as I knew how much comfort she got from it. So to me, no I wouldn't ever question anything my partner wore if it belonged to his parents. Anyone that did say anything, would just be reminded that's their opinion, and that we both are entitled to our own.

Portia82 wrote: »

The style that comes to mind is a slightly less stylish Roy Cropper. It's so out of character for him - I wouldn't call him a snappy dresser, but he always looks good, and

were it not for the fact that this had belonged to his dad, I honestly think he would never have actually bought anything like this.

Some very good friends came to stay at the weekend, and one of them actually said to me !!!!!! is with the jacket - I said thank goodness it's not just me then! Our teenage daughter also thinks it's hideous.

teenagers normally think anything that they don't like as 'hideous'

I'm not completely heartless and shallow, I do realise there's more going on here than just the jacket, and it's all tied up with grieving for his dad, but short of burning it or "accidentally" ruining it in the wash, how can I tactfully say that it really does nothing for him?
?

The bolded bits are what I find horrid, how on earth could someone contemplate doing that to something their partner cared about so much? Just because they didn't like it? Unfortunately, the post does comes across as heartless & shallow. Op, let your partner deal with his grief in the way he chooses.