Would you end your marriage (or relationship,) if your partner didn't want children?

Peter333

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

No I do not agree with you.

Better to not have a child than to force someone else to become a parent against their will.This could have all sorts of repercussions for everyone, especially the child.

You have completely missed my point!

Just forget it.

duchy

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

hopefully my son never knew I felt like that.He would actually make a very good parent. He likes small children better than I do

My MIL made it all too clear unfortunately
It wasn't that she didn't love him ...she just didn't like the parent thing at all .....and she's an even worse grandparent !

POPPYOSCAR

Having a child and bringing up children is hard enough when both parents wanted them.


There have been threads on here about how the baby has taken over their lives and the man often feels neglected etc.


The stresses on a couple and possibly the child when one does not want to be a parent could be enormous. and could result in the breakdown of the relationship and or it being taken out on the child.


And to ask a woman to carry a child for 9 months and give birth against her will is not on either, to say nothing of all the responsibility that follows.

duchy

Peter333 wrote: »

Why would his decision over-rule yours? If you wanted them and he didn't, why should he not make the compromise, and have children to stay with you?

I just wondered, because I have heard a number of women say 'I wanted children but my husband didn't... but I would rather stay with him, and live without children, rather than not be with him...'

I never understand why his choice is more important than hers. Why does HE not compromise, and HAVE children to make sure he gets to stay with her?

I think some women who don't want children sometimes say that -as society still frowns on a woman who doesn't want children. It's still more socially acceptable for a man to say he doesn't want kids than a woman-.

However I don't agree it's right to bring a child that's only wanted by one parent into the world (when the other parent lives with them). Far better to find someone who wants the same fundamental things you do rather than settle for second best and compromise over something as important as children if you really do want them.

Alikay

There is no compromise with having a child: You can't have half of one. Best case scenario if a couple are determined to stay together despite the issue is for the one who feels less strongly about their stance (be it yes or no to children) to give in. Worst case scenario is for the more dominant (or more sneaky) partner to force their will on the other one, overtly or via stealth.

Back to the original subject; the Linekers: I think there are other issues, and that children are just the catalyst for splitting up.

Person_one

Peter333 wrote: »

I think you are missing the point. Or not getting what I am saying.......

Why does a woman stay with a man who doesn't want children, (when she wants them,) because she 'would rather be with him and childless, than be without him?' Why does HE not compromise to stay with her, and have children?

Because that's a bit crap for the resulting child, mostly.

missbiggles1

Alikay wrote: »

There is no compromise with having a child: You can't have half of one. Best case scenario if a couple are determined to stay together despite the issue is for the one who feels less strongly about their stance (be it yes or no to children) to give in. Worst case scenario is for the more dominant (or more sneaky) partner to force their will on the other one, overtly or via stealth.

We were friends with two couples where the women wanted children and the men didn't. Their compromise was to adopt a rather traditional pattern with the mother taking virtually all the responsibility for the chlld while the father took very much a back seat role until the child was older.

I'm not sure how I'd feel about that for myself but both marriages have now passed their silver wedding anniversaries and the children have just finished university, so it obviously worked for them.

AubreyMac

Person_one wrote: »

Because that's a bit crap for the resulting child, mostly.

And for the one who didn't want the child.

I think it's more selfish to have a child when only one parent want it than the other way round.

Anatidaephobia

Haven't read the whole thread. I wouldn't end my relationship if my partner said he didn't want kids. I do think this is something that should be discussed earlier on (and certainly before marriage). My partner and I talked about having children together probably in 2008 or 2009 and decided it was something we both wanted in the future; if he changed his mind tomorrow I wouldn't end the relationship.

System

Peter333 wrote: »

How very sad. Did she want them and was unable? Or did her husband not want them?



Why would his decision over-rule yours? If you wanted them and he didn't, why should he not make the compromise, and have children to stay with you?

I just wondered, because I have heard a number of women say 'I wanted children but my husband didn't... but I would rather stay with him, and live without children, rather than not be with him...'

I never understand why his choice is more important than hers. Why does HE not compromise, and HAVE children to make sure he gets to stay with her?

I see your point, but for me having children is not the be all and end all. I'd like them BUT i could equally live without them. For me i would rather both if us be 100% sure we ant kids than one of us feel they should have them just because thats what people do, as i said before thats not a good enough reason to have them IMO. He could comprismise and have kids anyway, but then i;d be left dealing with the mental and emotional fallout on my own as he wouldn;t be interested and i wouldn't want to bring a child into this world under those circumstances. Apart from not 100% wanting kids at this point (he is also 3 years younger than me and AFAIK nobody else within his friends have started having kids yet-something which i find does focus me a little more) hes the most understanding and wonderful person i've ever met. And i would choose to be childfree if it came to it. Obviously other women feel more strongly about having children, but personally i think its the worst thing you can do if both parties don;t agree on it.

I'm the wonderful drunken result of an unhappy marriage (and if how he;s been as a "dad" is anything to go by he certainly never wanted kids) and i never want any possible kids to feel unwanted as i have,.