Losing friends...

Jagraf

I get really put off by intense friendships - I don't know why that is. I enjoy a more general group of friends and we all dip in and out depending on our current life situation. No one is judged. I can probably name two who I consider would be there whatever.

I like the idea of friends being around for a reason, a season, or for life. Sometimes friendships can be fleeting but you share a moment that passes your way.

I like life like that - secure enough in myself to enjoy whatever acquaintance passes by.

girlsmum

I must admit i was guilty of doing this, not intentionally, its just that life moves on. I married had children and, i tried to keep in touch occasionally with my single friends, we had less and less in common. They used to go out, i had young children and a husband they rarely asked and if they did it was not as simple as just saying yes.
however fast forward and a split from my husband my children are older we are back in touch as regularly as we can.
All i can suggest is don't forget them keep in touch I am sure they are not doing it intentionally.
Also find a new group of people with similar interests and lifestyles new friendship could develop, i am sure your long lasting friends will be there for you if you need them and vice versa

Primrose

Could you find the courage, if they were genuine friends, to pose the same questions to them direct that you have posed on here?

It has probably not occurred to them in their new found state of happiness that they have been neglectful of other friendships and if nothing else, may cause them to think more seriously about the need for them to maintain existing friendships as well as being with their new partners.

Emphasis that yiunreally valued your friendship and have been sad to lose it. Maybe they will realise that they need to alter the balance a little.

Alikay

Jagraf wrote: »

I get really put off by intense friendships - I don't know why that is. I enjoy a more general group of friends and we all dip in and out depending on our current life situation. No one is judged. I can probably name two who I consider would be there whatever.

I like the idea of friends being around for a reason, a season, or for life. Sometimes friendships can be fleeting but you share a moment that passes your way.

Exactly my philosophy

Of course if I watch a chick flick and there's all these fabulous bright, funny women having a great laugh together and just "being there" supporting and encouraging each other, it does make me feel kind of inadequate, but that's not real life is it?

Petra_70

Alikay wrote: »

Exactly my philosophy

Of course if I watch a chick flick and there's all these fabulous bright, funny women having a great laugh together and just "being there" supporting and encouraging each other, it does make me feel kind of inadequate, but that's not real life is it?

No. Definitely not!

It reminds me of all these adverts at Christmas, that show HUGE happy family groups, all around the dinner table; (maybe 20 of them,) laughing and smiling. Never known a family like this:- ever.

And don't even get me started on those stupid soap opera storylines, where all family members live within half a mile of one another, all work closeby, all meet in the pub most nights, and all have the same group of acquaintances and friends.

I don't think I would even WANT a life like this! Way too insular. I know a couple of large families (like 25 family members; siblings and nieces and nephews and cousins,) who are constantly in and out of each other's pockets and in and out of each others houses, and they ALL have no social contact with anyone else... If one them was ostracised from the family, they would have NO-ONE!

Jagraf

tea_lover wrote: »

A lot of people don't have any family.





Let's hope none of you people with perfect busy families ever find yourself in different circumstances and in need of a friend.... because when that happens you may well find that their priorities have changed too and they no longer have time for people who constantly put themselves first.

When I divorced and became a single mum for a while, almost all my friendships changed. I went back to work full time, and was drawn to the mums going through the same sxit as me. We all started meeting up regularly - between six and eight of us. Fifteen years on :eek: and most of us are remarried/in relationships/in other single groups, and we join up sometimes, or more frequently if it works out. I found none of my 'original married with two kids' friends understood me.

If a friend needed me I would need them to tell me as I wouldn't automatically pick up on it. i think most people are there, but they can't second guess as they are getting on with other things.

missbiggles1

tea_lover wrote: »

A lot of people don't have any family.





Let's hope none of you people with perfect busy families ever find yourself in different circumstances and in need of a friend.... because when that happens you may well find that their priorities have changed too and they no longer have time for people who constantly put themselves first.

The OP does have a family although I don't.

I think that the idea of keeping in with people in case you need them in the future is a bit of an insult really - it smacks of using them.

burlington6

As a man, and other men will have seen the same as me, there are always a few ''friends'' who drop everything in their life for a woman.

We all know the type, the insecure, needy emotional one who thinks he's met ''the one'' after one date.

Usually the women has enough of being the man in the relationship and the ''friend'' comes crawling back only to do it all over again.

I once had a friend who didn't show up to any of our other friends 40th birthdays, although invited.

When he turned 40 everyone returned the favour

Person_one

missbiggles1 wrote: »

In the morning?:eek:

There are 8 people in my life I would be able to call and rely on for help if I had an emergency at 3am.

5 of them are non-related, good friends. I would do the same for them. Why is that shocking?

missbiggles1

Person_one wrote: »

There are 8 people in my life I would be able to call and rely on for help if I had an emergency at 3am.

5 of them are non-related, good friends. I would do the same for them. Why is that shocking?

I'd never ring anybody at that time in the morning - it's so thoughtless. Plus, on a practical level, neither I nor any of my friends (AFAIK) would answer because none of us keep a phone in the bedroom unless there was a family member in hospital.

In what sort of emergency would you do this - perhaps there's a situation I haven't thought of because I'd expect to sort out most emergencies on my own.