Losing friends...

going_nowhere_fast

Peter333 wrote: »

Maybe this judgemental and high-and-mighty attitude of yours is the reason that your friends aren't returning your calls???

Just saying..........

Well may be your right - dating men who have attacked previous girlfriends - I am being too judgemental, p if you think that's fine. I suppose the man who was cheating on the mother of his four young children was a catch too, and the two that had children they walked out on and didn't see, and let's not forget the one who has just come out of prison.

Hmmm I am high and mighty because I don't want to know any of those kind of men.

Peter333

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

Well may be your right - dating men who have attacked previous girlfriends - I am being too judgemental, p if you think that's fine. I suppose the man who was cheating on the mother of his four young children was a catch too, and the two that had children they walked out on and didn't see, and let's not forget the one who has just come out of prison.

Hmmm I am high and mighty because I don't want to know any of those kind of men.

Yeah OK........ I am SURE all the boyfriends of your old friends are just like this...... But even if they are, you have no right to judge them. As I said, maybe THAT is why your friends don't bother with you anymore, because you are judgemental. You may think you're not, but you really are coming across that way...

You just keep convincing yourself that the old 'friends' of yours not keeping in touch, is NOTHING to do with you!

As long as you're in denial, nothing will change.

If people are constantly not bothering to stay in touch, then you do have to start questioning whether it's anything to do with you.

Until you do that, nobody on here can help you...

Alikay

PasturesNew wrote: »

I think, really, for the majority of people, they don't really have friends. They might think they have, but they're just fooling themselves really and "putting up with" what they've got, then bigging it up as something it's not.

I think most people's friendships are nothing like the ones portrayed on TV and movies. Friends are important to us, and we enjoy doing stuff together, but in general our own partners and families become our support network as we become theirs. I had a best friend in my teens and 20's and another around the time my children (and hers) were being born but all my other friendships were much less intense. The deep bonds I have are with my DH, mum and children.

I've always found the movie portrayals of female friendship hilariously unrealistic btw....just my experience and what I've witnessed in people close to me, of course.

surveyqueenuk

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

Well may be your right - dating men who have attacked previous girlfriends - I am being too judgemental, p if you think that's fine. I suppose the man who was cheating on the mother of his four young children was a catch too, and the two that had children they walked out on and didn't see, and let's not forget the one who has just come out of prison.

So I assume your own relationship broke up through nothing more than mutual consent then?

marleyboy

Me and OH both have friends we have not seen in Years. Some of my friends I have not seen in over 10 Years, but we are all still friends.

That the majority of us are now married with children does not break our friendship, it just means a lot more of our attention is focused on being a family.

I have not been out for a pint with my friends in over a decade, it does not mean I have become tea total, I just no longer have the time or money to spend it on propping the bar up with my friends, likewise I imagine the majority of my friends are in the same predicament. That does not stop us still being friends with each other though.

Person_one

PasturesNew wrote: »

The problem with people is that they do need to be friends only with people "just like them". And you're not like them if you're a single parent and they're a couple (with or without children).

You create a 'problem' for them as their OH has no sense of place in the relationship; he can't make small talk with your OH, he's excluded. So then he either sits there and feels like a plank, or you only see the female part of the couple, but she doesn't want the hassle of fitting you in and leaving him behind.

You need to meet other single parents, because you're "just like them".

But, the older you get the harder it is to find people "just like you" so it's possible you won't ever make any new friends.

That's just a fact of life and how people are.

You can't be friends with single people either because your main focus is your child/ren - and single people don't need that ....all that child chatter, or being interrupted, or having to put them first, the knock backs when they try to invite you out, the randomness not possible, spontaneity out the window .... single people aren't interested in hearing all that, the problems, the issues, reasons you can't do XYZ etc.

What a depressing post, it's a good job it isn't true!

dirty_magic

Things change and people change. It is annoying if one person wants the friendship more than the other, but in my experience you always see less of your friends as they get coupled up, especially as you get older.

If you're on your own you rely on friends more for a social life; if you live with a partner you have them to talk to. It's selfish if the other person is on their own, but most people are out for themselves.

Since we've all got settled in our lives I see much less of my friends. We tend to meet up once a month or so now, sometimes once every two months. After I've got back from work, cooked tea and cleaned up and done whatever chores need to be done I just can't be bothered to go out.

I've also noticed that the things we do have changed. We used to go clubbing or to bars and come back at 3am. Now we go for meals and we're back by 9pm!

missbiggles1

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

A couple of minutes phone call on MY birthday is not too much to expect from a good friend especially as historically they have always spent time with me on or around my birthday and vice versa me with them on their birthday.

When you have spent time on Christmas day and boxing day to comfort a friend who is distraught about their latest breakup, when you have spent time with them both in person on the phone countless times over the years to try and support and help them through difficult times, when you have done something with them every December for years and years and suddenly they haven't got time for you anymore? There's nothing reasonable about that.

A couple of minutes phone call is hardly the same as "doing something nice" which is what you said in your first post.

I also don't think that counting up what you've done for them and then expecting the same back is reasonable or a good basis for a friendship.

missbiggles1

I know you're single at present but wouldn't you rather spend Christmas etc. with your own family rather than with friends?

AlwaysWorking

I just wanted to chip in to say I think some people are being unnecessarily harsh to the OP. I thought we were here to support each other?


OP I understand what you mean. I recently got married, but I freely admit I sometimes really miss having a close female friend. Over the years, like you, I've lost touch with friends as they met partners and got married. I know they're busy though... and to be honest we probably wouldn't have that much in common if we met up as they all have children how and I have a dog!


I think all you can do is accept they have a partner now to act as their support network and perhaps don't need your friendship as much at the minute. I know it's difficult as you have no childcare, (and I know it's a clich!) but perhaps getting a new hobby might help you to meet people?


Good luck!