Mum's moved in with us - paying her board?

BabyButton

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Parents are parents, vainites apply.

The OP appears to conveniently ignore the benefit the mother has been to her in the past, or will be in the future. I bet having her mum staying at home will save a stack in childcare costs, if not allow the OP to go out and earn a living herself?

Eg one of my friends is returning to p/t work shortly and putting her baby in childcare for 2 days a week, costing the grand sum of £950 pm. There is no way that the additional cost of keeping the roof over the hard of another adult will amount to anywhere near that. If anything, if the OP is expecting help with childcare she should think about offering the mum a token allowance.

Just for your information - as you know absolutely nothing about me!
My Mother is in her 60s and still very active. She has sold her house, where she was paying her own bills (utilities, food, own car etc.)

She has now moved in with us but is NOT undertaking ANY of our childcare. I STILL do the school run morning and afternoon EVERY DAY. My youngest does 3 sessions at nursery a week - Which WE pay for and I take him etc.

I do all the washing/ironing/cooking - including my Mum's.

I also ferry her about in MY car at the moment while she gets to know her way around the area. She has her own car parked outside (we've now got her a bus pass too).

I've sorted a lot of things online for her, as she's frightened of the internet & computers.

My husband works 6 days a week for long hours, leaving the house at 5:30am each of those days and coming home late - the kids hardly see him.
He works most of these hours as overtime, just so we can pay the bills and keep a roof over our head as I am not working because I chose to look after my own children instead of using grandparents.

That help?

missbiggles1

BabyButton wrote: »

Just for your information - as you know absolutely nothing about me!
My Mother is in her 60s and still very active. She has sold her house, where she was paying her own bills (utilities, food, own car etc.)

She has now moved in with us but is NOT undertaking ANY of our childcare. I STILL do the school run morning and afternoon EVERY DAY. My youngest does 3 sessions at nursery a week - Which WE pay for and I take him etc.

I do all the washing/ironing/cooking - including my Mum's.

I also ferry her about in MY car at the moment while she gets to know her way around the area. She has her own car parked outside (we've now got her a bus pass too).

I've sorted a lot of things online for her, as she's frightened of the internet & computers.

My husband works 6 days a week for long hours, leaving the house at 5:30am each of those days and coming home late - the kids hardly see him.
He works most of these hours as overtime, just so we can pay the bills and keep a roof over our head as I am not working because I chose to look after my own children instead of using grandparents.

That help?

I think the formula I've described in the post above could work well for you and be fair all round.

SingleSue

Poppy9 wrote: »

OMG don't mention loo rolls in this house. When DD home from uni we go through about 3 rolls a day!!!!

Imagine the shock when two come home from uni at the same time, it was like there was this huge machine gobbling the blooming loo rolls (not to mention the food and fuel costs) virtually overnight. Cost me a blooming fortune over Christmas!

paddy's_mum

The one thing that appears to have been overlooked in all this discussion is that a parent moving into the home of an adult child and their family may feel unable to settle UNLESS they are paying their own way.

My mother often comes for a week or ten day 'holiday' and is agitated that I generally refuse to take actual cash from her. However, take her to Sainsbury's where she can 'spend' her points and shove a box load of goodies into my pantry and she becomes relaxed and happy to be pampered.

BabyButton

Alleycat wrote: »

The OP was a child when she was being fed and watered by her mum so hardly in a position to contribute financially.

It can be a real strain financially when someone (even a parent) comes to stay with you and sometimes you do need to ask for some sort of contribution towards the increased costs.

When my MIL moved in with us for 3 months, our food, heating and electricity bills jumped enormously. She was home all day as she was housebound and due to her health issues and the time of year, the heating was on almost permanently and the TV too. Whilst we would have loved to have been able to absorb the increased costs, we just couldn't manage it. My MIL was able to contribute and appeared glad to as well. She wasn't able to do much around the house but this was something she was able to do and I think it gave her a sense of value and pride.

Thanks Alleycay.

That sounds a bit like our set-up now.

I'm out the house quite a bit, while my kids are at school & nursery - I volunteer at the school 2 mornings a week.
We've just had our first utility bill since Mum moved in and it has gone up quite a bit, as obviously she's at home with the heating on all day, plus there's more washing etc etc

We struggle to make ends meet as it is and Mum offered to contribute BEFORE she moved in.

Georgiegirl256

By doing all her washing/ironing/cooking, you are making a rod for your own back. As you say, she's still a very active and capable woman, so she should be doing these things herself or at least chipping in and offering to make a meal or two for you all.

I can't believe she hasn't already offered you some money. You'll have to nip this in the bud straight away and set down the house rules. IMO, about £50 a week sounds fair, but obviously depends how much your bills would increase and adjust it accordingly.

Eta: just read your above post. I see she has offered to contribute.

BabyButton

GwylimT wrote: »

I for one wouldn't be willing to freeload off anyone, especially not my children, clearly some are happy to do so.

It might be easier to give it a couple of months (if you can afford it) to see how much spending increases utilities, food bills etc and use that to work out a figure for board.

I am NOT freeloading - l look after my own kids AND do all my Mum's cooking & cleaning now.
I'm beginning to feel like the skivvy here and we've already had to sit down and discuss this with Mum

BabyButton

VfM4meplse wrote: »

To me it's simple. Patents looked after you, you pay them back in kind because you want to, not because of some misplaced sense of duty.

Simple?

When I lived at home, I got a part-time job while still studying and I paid my board to Mum & Dad.
I paid more once leaving school and got a full-time job.
I wanted a cat - I was allowed one as long as I paid it vets bills, insurance & food (and it left home with me too!) That was fair enough.

I was expected to help around the house from a very early age.

I am not taking liberties & you know nothing about me!

VfM4meplse

BabyButton wrote: »

Just for your information - as you know absolutely nothing about me!
My Mother is in her 60s and still very active. She has sold her house, where she was paying her own bills (utilities, food, own car etc.)

She has now moved in with us but is NOT undertaking ANY of our childcare. I STILL do the school run morning and afternoon EVERY DAY. My youngest does 3 sessions at nursery a week - Which WE pay for and I take him etc.

I do all the washing/ironing/cooking - including my Mum's.

I also ferry her about in MY car at the moment while she gets to know her way around the area. She has her own car parked outside (we've now got her a bus pass too).

I've sorted a lot of things online for her, as she's frightened of the internet & computers.

My husband works 6 days a week for long hours, leaving the house at 5:30am each of those days and coming home late - the kids hardly see him.
He works most of these hours as overtime, just so we can pay the bills and keep a roof over our head as I am not working because I chose to look after my own children instead of using grandparents.

That help?

It does. I am more than a little surprised that you have to do so much for her without reciprocation, given that she is very active and she can see how hard your OH has to work. But am sure that your kindness is appreciated.

There was no suggestion of you taking liberties. My family had never taken from me and I wouldn't take from them. The fact that you were charged by your parents shouldn't mean that operating a similar system should be alien to your mum, and as you say she offered.

Alikay

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

By doing all her washing/ironing/cooking, you are making a rod for your own back. As you say, she's still a very active and capable woman, so she should be doing these things herself or at least chipping in and offering to make a meal or two for you all.

I agree. Every time a parent comes on this board complaining that a teenager lives like this, they are deluged with advice to get them sharing chores. I struggle to understand why would it be OK for a middle-aged able-bodied parent to "treat this place like a hotel":D

I would also factor in some time alone with your DH, OP: The dynamics of a family change dramatically when there is another person present, particularly a parent. If your mum doesn't have the occasional evening out, make sure that you do regularly, unless Mum has her own sitting room.