Mum's moved in with us - paying her board?

suki1964

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Exactly! It is perfectly acceptable to charge the woman, and it's unbelievable and hilarious, that people are trying to make out it's SO SHOCKING that people are suggesting she should.

Quite unbelievable actually. :rotfl:

I actually don't have a problem with asking someone to contribute to the household expenses what so ever

It was just your way with words that had me gob smacked

" so have of her whatever she is costing"




Off now to count the squares of loo roll, just in case mum is using more then me and him

Poppy9

suki1964 wrote: »

Off now to count the squares of loo roll, just in case mum is using more then me and him

OMG don't mention loo rolls in this house. When DD home from uni we go through about 3 rolls a day!!!!

Lily-Rose_3

suki1964 wrote: »

I actually don't have a problem with asking someone to contribute to the household expenses what so ever

It was just your way with words that had me gob smacked

" so have of her whatever she is costing"

Off now to count the squares of loo roll, just in case mum is using more then me and him

All right, I will re word it.

What I mean is work out how much extra she is costing, (in leccie, gas, water food, travel, etc) and charge her that for board. If it's worked out properly - well roughly, (not counting the sheets of loo-roll !!!!!!!) then they can make sure they don't over charge her or rip her off! And they can make sure THEY are not going to suffer financially.

I think it was obvious what I meant, but some people will just try and make something out of nothing.

I didn't mean to sound 'cold;' I was just trying to be logical.

I am done on here anyway. I am just repeating myself! Bye.

Armchair23

Lily-Rose wrote: »

You've already had a go at people about this. But people ARE giving the OP advice. :huh:

I didn't see it as having a go but as you did I'm happy to ship out.
Best regards

missbiggles1

suki1964 wrote: »

Seriously you break meals down to the price of a chop or sausages?

Remind me not to come to yours for dinner


Today's chicken was £3 Will feed the three of us three times. Will I divide that into three and charge?

It's going to cost the same in electric to cook for 2 as it is 3

Or would I say, hold on mum, I'm cooking for me and him, you hold on till we have eaten, I've done the dishes, then you work away?

oh and last nights sausages were 70p and there are 4 in the freezer for another day. I feed the three of us really well for around £25 -£35 a week, depending on what I need to stock up on

Nothing to do with charging mum - just pointing out that your statement that it doesn't cost any more to feed 3 rather than 2 is pretty daft.

moneyistooshorttomention

lika_86 wrote: »

I would give it a few months to settle a bit (and for you to see what the real increase in costs is) and then charge whatever the difference is in bills that will change (heating, water etc). I wouldn't think of splitting bills that will remain unaltered and that you would have anyway eg. internet, council tax paid TV subscriptions etc.

I wouldn't try and make a profit or anything but it seems right to me that any extra costs you have to take on are covered, especially as your mum will be saving money by living with you and not having to pay her own bills.

To me - that's the obvious stance to take. I would actually be being more generous with my mother than she was with me by that. She even charged me a share of the Rates (former Council Tax) when I was still living with them - many years back now.

But I would just charge the extra cost of her being there - no more, no less (though that is rather hypothetical in my case - as my mother and I cant stay under the same roof for more than a few hours at a stretch - given that's about how long she can refrain from criticising me).

Stevie_Palimo

I should have charged my oh's sister then when she stayed with us for about 13 weeks, I am another one for not charging anything here and more so if it was parents as stated they would have had the burden of costs when bringing you up so why not give something back if you can afford it that is, Now if struggling and the parent or family member has spare income then yes it makes sense to contribute to things.

Jagraf

Op, from experience of looking after a parent I would give this opinion.

Once someone else lives with you, you all have to adjust. It's very hard to change a family set up and it's great that you can accommodate your mum so that she can be part of the family.

I would have a long chat with her to see how she sees it all panning out and how you see it all panning out. At the moment she seems self sufficient financially and physically (unless I'm mistaken) so now is a good time. If she's just retired tgat could mean she has at least twenty healthy years ahead of her, or not. What will she do if you need to relocate for work, or if she needs additional care at a later stage, or if you are working / out with the kids etc. if she is settling into a new area, is she making her own life by joining clubs and getting back out there as she has a lot of life left to live.

Financially it's very much a time thing, in my experience. Does she drive / is she dependent on you to get about / does it affect the hours you can work or not? Is she doing her part around the house?

It can work but it's a massive shift in routine for all of you, so get it all organised. I personally wouldn't have 'board' as such (this also makes her a tenant) but she might want to / you could ask for help with the kids / help pay for shopping / go shopping for you in fact. She probably wants to do this.

i hope it all works out - as I said before we look after my MIL with everything but she lives in her own home and it is a happy relationship - we've talked about everything from support tights to home care!! She knows what responsibility I could and could not take on and we know her wishes.

Good luck x

sulkisu

Lily-Rose wrote: »

What an absolutely dreadful attitude! No child owes their parents ANYTHING. I didn't have my daughter so she could look after me when I am old and infirm, and let me move in free of charge, and eat her out of house and home, and wait on me hand and foot, and run me around everywhere I want to go.

Only the most selfish, self-entitled, and narrow minded people expect people to give them something because THEY gave something to them.

I am so glad I am not like you. And I bet my daughter is too. Hell would freeze over before I expect her to be my slave when I am old, just because I 'spent 18 years raising her!'

Good grief!

Re the OP, yes DO have board off your mother. Have off her whatever extra she is costing you. Simples!

This is my view as well. The first 18 years are free - your children didn't ask to be born, so having made a decision to have children it is a parents responsibility to look after them. I don't expect my boys to be grateful simply because I did what I was supposed to do.

missbiggles1

Although it never happened ( she died before my father) we did discuss this situation with my mother and she insisted that we should split utilities 3 ways (excluding the phone) and she would pay for her share of the food on top - giving a total of around £50/60 a week - that's what I would do if I were ever in the same situation.

It's an absolute bargain compared to running your own place and would leave someone (even if only receiving pension credit in retirement) over £100 pw for spending money. In our family, we believe in paying our own way.