Mum's moved in with us - paying her board?

Alikay

VfM4meplse wrote: »

To me it's simple. Patents looked after you, you pay them back in kind because you want to, not because of some misplaced sense of duty.

Lucky you if that's your experience, but bear in mind that not everyone's is like that. Hopefully my parenting of our children has been adequate, but I wouldn't move in with my adult children and contribute nothing.

DomRavioli

VfM4meplse wrote: »

To me it's simple. Patents looked after you, you pay them back in kind because you want to, not because of some misplaced sense of duty.

But you don't know the OP's situation (as has been said to you on a fair few occasions here).

Don't judge someone else, let alone have such a closed mind on such things - not everyone can afford extra house guests for an indeterminate period of time, just because you'd do something doesn't mean finances will allow it to happen.

Mojisola

BabyButton wrote: »

My husband and I think she should pay us some sort of board to help towards the bills etc. - after all, it's another mouth to feed and more on utilities etc. We did discuss this with her before she sold her house, explaining that we would expect her to pay her way.

However, how much should we ask for?

As the mother, I wouldn't want the family I moved in with to be worse off financially so all the extra costs are a starting point.

Perhaps somewhere between that and splitting all the main costs by one-third?

Whatever you decide, agree to try it for a few months and then review it so it can be adjusted up or down if necessary.

With financial issues as well as any other problems that arise, deal with them quickly rather than letting things fester.

Poppy9

I couldn't have asked my parents for money if I offered them a home. I know they would have offered money but I wouldn't have been comfortable accepting.

When my MIL was alive I used to do her shopping each week when I did mine. She never wanted much, probably about £15 a week worth as she would use local butcher and green grocer. I could never take the money off her though but she used to give me £5 or £10 for DD and make me feel bad if I didn't take it. So DD did well out of it!!

suki1964

missbiggles1 wrote: »

That isn't really true though. Three chops or chicken pieces rather than two, six sausages rather than four - basic logic.

Seriously you break meals down to the price of a chop or sausages?

Remind me not to come to yours for dinner


Today's chicken was £3 Will feed the three of us three times. Will I divide that into three and charge?

It's going to cost the same in electric to cook for 2 as it is 3

Or would I say, hold on mum, I'm cooking for me and him, you hold on till we have eaten, I've done the dishes, then you work away?

oh and last nights sausages were 70p and there are 4 in the freezer for another day. I feed the three of us really well for around £25 -£35 a week, depending on what I need to stock up on

Georgiegirl256

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Presumably she looked after you without charge for at least 18 years of your life? And she will help around the house and with childcare?

I find this attitude quite disgraceful, wouldn't dream of charging anyone - relative or friend - anything. But you could charge what you like I suppose, given that it will be no surprise to her. Go ahead and get the full market value, in for a penny, in for a pound.

Whilst I agree in principal, it's not that black and white.

If the OP has a decent income and bills won't increase that much then yes I agree with you. But we don't know the full ins and out of the situation, the mother might not go out that much and therefore there'll be an increase in heating and electric costs. Food bills too will increase.

enthusiasticsaver

I think she should be contributing to the food bills and utilities particularly if the heating is on during the day when she is home and presumably water costs etc have gone up. Just do a rough calculation as to how much your outgoings have increased due to your mum living with you. If she has sold her house presumably she has sufficient income to contribute to the household finances and surely she would not expect to live for free? Most people would not want their adult children to struggle financially because of them.

Alikay

Poppy9 wrote: »

When my MIL was alive I used to do her shopping each week when I did mine. She never wanted much, probably about £15 a week worth as she would use local butcher and green grocer. I could never take the money off her though but she used to give me £5 or £10 for DD and make me feel bad if I didn't take it. So DD did well out of it!!

This wouldn't work for me, my mum or my DD. We're all very independent and if people wouldn't allow us to pay for our own groceries (assuming we had cash obv) we'd all end up not asking for the things we wanted. I would hate to be put in a position of dependency if it was unnecessary.

LilElvis

VfM4meplse wrote: »

To me it's simple. Patents looked after you, you pay them back in kind because you want to, not because of some misplaced sense of duty.

And would you be happy to be the "freeloading Granny" at the expense of your grandchildren? How much would you enjoy your three square meals a day if you knew it meant that they couldn't go to an after school club, play a sport they love or have music lessons?

Jagraf

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Presumably she looked after you without charge for at least 18 years of your life? And she will help around the house and with childcare?

I find this attitude quite disgraceful, wouldn't dream of charging anyone - relative or friend - anything. But you could charge what you like I suppose, given that it will be no surprise to her. Go ahead and get the full market value, in for a penny, in for a pound.

Have you ever looked after and lived with an elderly relative and are you aware of what that entails?

All credit to the op, much as I really love all of our parents I would struggle to have one live with me. We do almost everything for my mother in law since we lost my father in law two years ago when my mother in law fell into my husbands arms. We do almost everything for her do that she can remain in her own house and she helps financially for our time and effort.

Op - you are a lovely kind person doing something I would struggle with x