Mum's moved in with us - paying her board?

BabyButton

My Mum has recently moved in with me, my husband and 2 young children, after my Dad died just over a year ago.

She sold their house and move 60 miles to be with us, put some of her furniture in storage and the rest came here.

She's retired and no plans of finding any work here either.

My husband and I think she should pay us some sort of board to help towards the bills etc. - after all, it's another mouth to feed and more on utilities etc. We did discuss this with her before she sold her house, explaining that we would expect her to pay her way.

However, how much should we ask for? We haven't got a clue as to what would be fair and reasonable. I've looked around this site and only found links about charging board for family members that are working etc.

Thanks

missbiggles1

BabyButton wrote: »

My Mum has recently moved in with me, my husband and 2 young children, after my Dad died just over a year ago.

She sold their house and move 60 miles to be with us, put some of her furniture in storage and the rest came here.

She's retired and no plans of finding any work here either.

My husband and I think she should pay us some sort of board to help towards the bills etc. - after all, it's another mouth to feed and more on utilities etc. We did discuss this with her before she sold her house, explaining that we would expect her to pay her way.

However, how much should we ask for? We haven't got a clue as to what would be fair and reasonable. I've looked around this site and only found links about charging board for family members that are working etc.

Thanks

What income does she have, either from investments or benefits?

VfM4meplse

BabyButton wrote: »

My husband and I think she should pay us some sort of board to help towards the bills etc. - after all, it's another mouth to feed and more on utilities etc. We did discuss this with her before she sold her house, explaining that we would expect her to pay her way

Presumably she looked after you without charge for at least 18 years of your life? And she will help around the house and with childcare?

I find this attitude quite disgraceful, wouldn't dream of charging anyone - relative or friend - anything. But you could charge what you like I suppose, given that it will be no surprise to her. Go ahead and get the full market value, in for a penny, in for a pound.

elsien

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Presumably she looked after you without charge for at least 18 years of your life? And she will help around the house?

I find this attitude quite disgraceful, wouldn't dream of charging anyone - relative or friend - anything. But you could charge what you like I suppose, given that it will be no surprise to her. Go ahead and get the full market value, in for a penny, in for a pound.

That's harsh. Firstly, how do you know the OP can afford the extra costs. And secondly, perhaps mum wants to make a contribution so she doesn't feel beholden. When my mother moved in with me for 12 months, she would only agree if I let her pay her way.

whitewing

The threshold for the rent a room scheme is about £81 a week before you have to pay tax on it.

Alikay

I think you also need to consider what her impact on family life will be. For example if she's doing a lot of the cooking and cleaning while you're both at work, and maybe taking care of the children, I'd expect her contribution to be less than if she was being catered for and just living as a paying guest.

I'd never have agreed to this set-up with my mum and MIL by the way, due to the personalities involved, but some friends did it 20 years ago and it worked amazingly well: Widowed mum moved in and took care of the house while friends were at work and teenage son at school - they came home to a clean warm house and dinner prepared and mum felt loved and needed. Mum paid for a granny flat extension which added value to the home and gave space and privacy.

ecgirl07

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Presumably she looked after you without charge for at least 18 years of your life? And she will help around the house and with childcare?

I find this attitude quite disgraceful, wouldn't dream of charging anyone - relative or friend - anything. But you could charge what you like I suppose, given that it will be no surprise to her. Go ahead and get the full market value, in for a penny, in for a pound.

You dont know the ops position. They could just be managing and having an other adult in the house all day with heating etc could be a strain on a budget. Plenty threads on here about charging adult children digs, why not parents?

This will descend into one of those family board rammies with posters giving black and white opinions and not seeing the shades of grey inbetween.

Brighton_belle

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Presumably she looked after you without charge for at least 18 years of your life? And she will help around the house and with childcare?

I find this attitude quite disgraceful, wouldn't dream of charging anyone - relative or friend - anything. But you could charge what you like I suppose, given that it will be no surprise to her. Go ahead and get the full market value, in for a penny, in for a pound.

What a strange response. My parents wouldn't have dreamed of not contributing to bills when they had a money of there own if either was moving in with us permanently rather than just visiting. If someone moved in with us, of course they would want to contribute. That to me is normal loving family life, not burdening other people with the worry of paying extra bills, even more the partner of your offspring who has already generously opened there home to you and lost their privacy.


And we don't know how old this lady is either - she could be in her 60's for all we know (very young).

LilElvis

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Presumably she looked after you without charge for at least 18 years of your life? And she will help around the house and with childcare?

I find this attitude quite disgraceful, wouldn't dream of charging anyone - relative or friend - anything. But you could charge what you like I suppose, given that it will be no surprise to her. Go ahead and get the full market value, in for a penny, in for a pound.

A little harsh. She has a pension (presumably), money from the sale of her home and therefore must have been paying for food and bills for decades. A family with young children is unlikely to be awash with spare cash so at least a fair contribution towards food wouldn't be asking much. Would you really expect them to be able to pay for all of her living costs for a couple of decades?

Darksparkle

How much have bills/food increased by?

VfM4meplse

ecgirl07 wrote: »

Plenty threads on here about charging adult children digs, why not parents?

Parents are parents, vainites apply.

The OP appears to conveniently ignore the benefit the mother has been to her in the past, or will be in the future. I bet having her mum staying at home will save a stack in childcare costs, if not allow the OP to go out and earn a living herself?

Eg one of my friends is returning to p/t work shortly and putting her baby in childcare for 2 days a week, costing the grand sum of £950 pm. There is no way that the additional cost of keeping the roof over the hard of another adult will amount to anywhere near that. If anything, if the OP is expecting help with childcare she should think about offering the mum a token allowance.