Unbelievably selfish woman

74jax

Kim_kim wrote: »

No, but I was invited for Christmas & I turned up with bags of food - my daughter knew what I was bringing so didn't have to get it in.
I wouldn't have dreamt of turning up empty handed.

I wouldn't go round to someone for a meal with food? I would, 100% take at least a bottle.

As it was Christmas dinner, if they had told the hosts they were bringing food, then oh my gosh totally agree to not turn up with said food I think is really bad. But I don't think from reading the post they had agreed to do that.

I did say in my first reply, if the guests said they would contribute and didn't then maybe they forgot. Have got home and remembered.

But I just read it as they were invited guests, took everyone presents and unfortunately forgot to take the host a specific gift for hosting - yes I do think that's bad, even a bottle of something would have done.

But I don't think it warrants a most selfish couple of the year award.

Kim_kim

74jax wrote: »

I wouldn't go round to someone for a meal with food? I would, 100% take at least a bottle.

As it was Christmas dinner, if they had told the hosts they were bringing food, then oh my gosh totally agree to not turn up with said food I think is really bad. But I don't think from reading the post they had agreed to do that.

I did say in my first reply, if the guests said they would contribute and didn't then maybe they forgot. Have got home and remembered.

But I just read it as they were invited guests, took everyone presents and unfortunately forgot to take the host a specific gift for hosting - yes I do think that's bad, even a bottle of something would have done.

But I don't think it warrants a most selfish couple of the year award.

I think it's different when it's your children & grandchildren - you want to help them not add to their burden - I guess this is where the grandmother who posted is coming from.

If my daughter invites me for a Sunday roast I bring pudding.

Vikipollard

Trazy wrote: »

I'm feeling so wound up
My son has his mother in law staying for Christmas, I was there for Christmas day and she talked all about herself and how much money she has
She gave the kids a tenner each and her daughter and my son a £15 marks and spensers voucher to share, Yet ate and drank five times that amount
how can anybody be so bloody selfish?

Are you certain that she didn't contribute to the food/drink bill? Perhaps she gave her daughter money for the turkey (or whatever)? As someone else said, did she offer, but was told not to bring anything (and took that at face value). Not saying that's okay, just wondering.

OP, you are missing the point of Christmas - it should be about time spent together (being priceless), not how much was given/spent on presents.

So what if she brags about allegedly having money? Who knows if that's even true. You come across as jealous, rather than righteous indignation.

74jax

Kim_kim wrote: »

I think it's different when it's your children & grandchildren - you want to help them not add to their burden - I guess this is where the grandmother who posted is coming from.

If my daughter invites me for a Sunday roast I bring pudding.

Not everyone sees cooking add a burden though. But I do understand your point. However I don't think it was agreed mil would bring anything for the meal. But op had never confirmed this.

If it were the mil's daughter complaining, I could perhaps see the issue as then we would know the full story, but in this case we don't.

Even tho, by not taking a pud or whatever, I don't get the whole most selfish woman ever.... Seems way to OTT.

Double_V

People who talk themselves about their money are actually very insecure.
And they just lie to you in order for you to listen/respect them.

Pollycat

Trazy wrote: »

I'm feeling so wound up
My son has his mother in law staying for Christmas, I was there for Christmas day and she talked all about herself and how much money she has
She gave the kids a tenner each and her daughter and my son a £15 marks and spensers voucher to share, Yet ate and drank five times that amount
how can anybody be so bloody selfish?

The above is the opinion of a mother-in-law (to her son's wife).

I'd be very interested in the opinions held by her son and his wife.
Do they agree with the OP's assessment of this woman as 'selfish' or are they happy with what she gave?

I think as the OP threw out groundless accusations of bullying because she didn't get the responses she expected, I think it's possibly just her who is annoyed on her son & grandchildren's behalf.

duchy

My parents are now dead but our Christmas routine was Christmas eve we would entertain the inlaws (MIL was Austrian so Christmas eve was important to her) and Christmas day we entertained my parents.

I had no expectation that they would contribute to the meal- They were my guests and I was raised that as host it's my job to provide all hospitality.

Different families have different expectations . I'd have been mortified if anyone insisted on bringing one of the courses.

PasturesNew

suki1964 wrote: »

I would be more mortified if an invited guest bought something to the table

I wouldn't take something for the table as I figure the host has everything sorted out and have a plan ... and my random item would upset the equilibrium of their dream hosting plans.

For something like Xmas I take stuff that can be shoved in their cupboard, for themselves, for some future date. e.g. I took a bottle of sparkly booze and some 'good quality' chocolate covered biscuits. I am also aware not to overload hosts with food because they've probably already over-catered and other guests will have also brought them something, so they'll be feeling snowed under before the day starts.

I always make it clear that what I bring isn't to be "opened today", but opened at their discretion in the future for whatever date/reason they choose. Certainly not "open this booze today because I bought it for today; and open this other food today because I brought it".

Vikipollard wrote: »

As someone else said, did she offer, but was told not to bring anything (and took that at face value). Not saying that's okay, just wondering.

Er, is it not OK to bring nothing if you're told to bring nothing? If you can't trust/rely on what people are telling you to do then the world's in chaos!
"Bring nothing" to many means just that.

DevilsAdvocate1

Trazy wrote: »

I'm feeling so wound up
My son has his mother in law staying for Christmas, I was there for Christmas day and she talked all about herself and how much money she has
She gave the kids a tenner each and her daughter and my son a £15 marks and spensers voucher to share, Yet ate and drank five times that amount
how can anybody be so bloody selfish?

You don't know what has been said behind the scenes. I always feel that we give our nephews too little as my husband has a good job and wage. His brother is on long term sick and is unlikely to work again. They don't have much.

For years we've given each of their three children £10 at Christmas and birthdays. And I felt a bit mean about it. So last year, I suggested that we give them £20 each instead.

Anyway, two weeks ago, my husband got a call from his mum. Basically, his brother had been very upset by us giving the extra money last year and felt awkward as he could not afford to up the money for our three children.

My husband rang his brother and explained that it was not tit for tat, but that we felt a bit mean knowing we could afford more (the children have told me that their parents refer to us as the "rich ones".) His brother said that as we had never been impoverished we would not understand. We've agreed to go back to the £10 each this year and to stop altogether from next year.

So you just don't know what people are really thinking or what the motivation was. Perhaps she is going to spend more later in the year, or maybe she doesn't have the money despite bragging. Sometimes its those who brag who actually don't have the money. Bragging makes them feel better.

Kim_kim

74jax wrote: »

Not everyone sees cooking add a burden though. But I do understand your point. However I don't think it was agreed mil would bring anything for the meal. But op had never confirmed this.

If it were the mil's daughter complaining, I could perhaps see the issue as then we would know the full story, but in this case we don't.

Even tho, by not taking a pud or whatever, I don't get the whole most selfish woman ever.... Seems way to OTT.

I don't mean cooking, I mean the cost of the food.

I think the selfish comment was turning up empty handed with pretty mean presents assuming she really is loaded & as she's the grandmother.