Unbelievably selfish woman

milliemonster

We do. We tend to go to town for christmas dinner, but as its nearly always hosted at my house due to me having the largest house the rest of my family insist on chipping in and bringing something, whether it's wine, a homemade dessert, etc etc, I love having my brother and sister and their families over but it's hard work and expensive doing it every year, they know this so by doing it this way it shares the load and the expense a little.

If it was any other time during the year I invited someone over for a meal, I wouldn't expect them to bring half of the meal with them, and I don't expect my family to do it at xmas, but it's just how we do things.

fierystormcloud

milliemonster wrote: »

We do. We tend to go to town for christmas dinner, but as its nearly always hosted at my house due to me having the largest house the rest of my family insist on chipping in and bringing something, whether it's wine, a homemade dessert, etc etc, I love having my brother and sister and their families over but it's hard work and expensive doing it every year, they know this so by doing it this way it shares the load and the expense a little.

If it was any other time during the year I invited someone over for a meal, I wouldn't expect them to bring half of the meal with them, and I don't expect my family to do it at xmas, but it's just how we do things.

I guess it's OK if you're expecting it Millie.

Kim_kim

milliemonster wrote: »

We do. We tend to go to town for christmas dinner, but as its nearly always hosted at my house due to me having the largest house the rest of my family insist on chipping in and bringing something, whether it's wine, a homemade dessert, etc etc, I love having my brother and sister and their families over but it's hard work and expensive doing it every year, they know this so by doing it this way it shares the load and the expense a little.

If it was any other time during the year I invited someone over for a meal, I wouldn't expect them to bring half of the meal with them, and I don't expect my family to do it at xmas, but it's just how we do things.

As a family we've always done this.
Years ago I used to go to my sister with my family & I'd bring the turkey & other bits.
It's just about sharing the cost out so its not a burden the host has to bear alone. Everyone helping & sharing.

Kim_kim

Lily-Rose wrote: »

I agree 100% with Duchy.

If I asked someone to dinner, I would find it incredibly bizarre and very odd if someone turned up with bags of food. !!!!!!? :rotfl:

As someone said earlier, I wouldn't invite someone if I couldn't bloomin' feed them! How bizarre!

I can't believe anyone does this!

I'm not just someone, im invited & its asked for, with her knowing of course I'm happy to bring.
It's just our way.

I wouldn't do it to more distant people, but this is my daughter & it helps her to share the costs.

onlyroz

We've had my parents round for Christmas dinner every year for seven years and all they've ever brought with them was a bottle of Aldi cola. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm also struggling to see how anybody can consume £100s in food or drink in one day. Our Christmas meal probably cost around £50-60 total, including the turkey, trimmings, smoked salmon and prawn cocktail starters. We did get in some drink, e.g. gin, advocaat and some wine and beer, and there were extras like cake and other nibbles, but I doubt the sum total was more than £150.

heartbreak_star

Me and Mum go to OH's parents for Christmas dinner - we generally take a couple of bottles of wine for the table and that's always happily accepted

Taking food along or giving money would feel rather odd, unless pre-arranged in some way (e.g. bringing a cheeseboard to go with dessert or some such).

HBS x

enthusiasticsaver

Normally when we are invited out for a meal we take a bottle of wine (unless we know the hosts are non drinkers) which they are welcome to use then or at some other time. We never assume they will open it as obviously it depends on what they are cooking. If we are going to my mums or one of our daughters' homes or close friends I always ask if I can bring something. Sometimes they suggest something and sometimes not but quite often we do buffet suppers at friends where bringing some nibbles and wine is expected amongst a group of friends. We all do the same at each others' houses and think nothing of it.


If we are going to someones' house we always turn up with something either wine, food, or flowers and would not dream of turning up empty handed. I think that is good manners but would not turn up with food unless asked beforehand.

Anatidaephobia

Kim_kim wrote: »

No, but I was invited for Christmas & I turned up with bags of food - my daughter knew what I was bringing so didn't have to get it in.
I wouldn't have dreamt of turning up empty handed.

duchy wrote: »

If my Mum had turned up with bags of food I'd have been livid

Lily-Rose wrote: »

I agree 100% with Duchy. If I asked someone to dinner, I would find it incredibly bizarre and very odd if someone turned up with bags of food. !!!!!!?

I don't think you're all talking about the same thing. Kim has explained (albeit in several different posts) that she discusses this in advance with her daughter; they have an agreement. There's nothing wrong with Kim turning up with food if this is the way her family do it; they've discussed/arranged it all in advance, so it's not unwanted or unexpected, in fact the meal would be incomplete if she didn't bring those items.

That is completely different from someone turning up with bags of food that was not asked for, not agreed, not prearranged, and not wanted. "Normal" gifts to bring to someone's house are things like bottles of wine/alcohol, flowers, chocolates; people don't normally bring actual food to be used as a component of the meal unless it is prearranged. Anyone who invited a relative over for a Christmas turkey dinner would be very surprised if said relative turned up on the door step with an uncooked Tesco turkey in a carrier bag.

74jax

Anatidaephobia wrote: »

I don't think you're all talking about the same thing. Kim has explained (albeit in several different posts) that she discusses this in advance with her daughter; they have an agreement. There's nothing wrong with Kim turning up with food if this is the way her family do it; they've discussed/arranged it all in advance, so it's not unwanted or unexpected, in fact the meal would be incomplete if she didn't bring those items.

That is completely different from someone turning up with bags of food that was not asked for, not agreed, not prearranged, and not wanted. "Normal" gifts to bring to someone's house are things like bottles of wine/alcohol, flowers, chocolates; people don't normally bring actual food to be used as a component of the meal unless it is prearranged. Anyone who invited a relative over for a Christmas turkey dinner would be very surprised if said relative turned up on the door step with an uncooked Tesco turkey in a carrier bag.

I agree. My initial reply was because I thought the guest had arranged to pay for the food, that was the only way I could see the reasoning behind the ops 'selfish' comment.

But the op had never been back to clarify, making me think.... Well I honestly no longer know.....

FBaby

I don't think you're all talking about the same thing. Kim has explained (albeit in several different posts) that she discusses this in advance with her daughter;

There is no right or wrong way, it's a matter of adapting to what is expected or wished for. I have one friend who tend to host dinner parties more than the others because she enjoys it and her house is perfect. When she does, she cooks the main meal and we all bring something else. I wouldn't think of coming empty handed.

Christmas meal at MIL, the arrangement is that they buy everything but the turkey which we get as well as the wine.

However, I would never bring something at my parents because they would feel offended if we did.

What is wrong though is to base judgement on what others do based solely on what we do ourselves.