Unbelievably selfish woman

JReacher1

Sounds like you just don't like the mother in law.

When you invite guests round to a house and serve them food and alcohol the amount they consume should not be dependent on the monetary value of the gifts they have bought.

"Pass the butter please"

"I'm sorry the value of your gifts mean you can only have the margarine".

meritaten

My great aunt was a lovely woman who had once had money - she still had all the 'trappings' of money, the fur coats and the diamond rings - but she didn't have much in the bank! she still 'talked the wealthy talk though'. but gave miserly presents. I felt sorry for her even though mum despised her. I think she was still trying to convince people she still had 'money'. even though she didn't have two pennies to rub together - she tried to give, and often it was 'homemade' presents. I thought 'at least she remembered you and gave you something'. mum thought 'mean old moo'!

Lily-Rose_3

meritaten wrote: »

My great aunt was a lovely woman who had once had money - she still had all the 'trappings' of money, the fur coats and the diamond rings - but she didn't have much in the bank! she still 'talked the wealthy talk though'. but gave miserly presents. I felt sorry for her even though mum despised her. I think she was still trying to convince people she still had 'money'. even though she didn't have two pennies to rub together - she tried to give, and often it was 'homemade' presents. I thought 'at least she remembered you and gave you something'. mum thought 'mean old moo'!

I rest my case! I said it on here, and I have said it on a couple of other threads; people who are all flashy and waffling on about their 'wealth' and how much everything costs, are usually actually broke, or in lots of debt. (Often both.)

suki1964

I would be more mortified if an invited guest bought something to the table

Seriously, if people are invited to my home, they are expected to bring nothing but themselves and a good disposition If I couldn't afford to feed or water someone I wouldn't invite them

Yes a bottle would be nice, but then of course it would have to be opened and drunk as well


Op, me mum is the same. Goes on about how much money she has blah blah, and I got a jar of Nutella for Christmas I just laugh. Btw I feed her everyday of the year and never take or want a penny. Oh and today I treated her to a pack of ( reduced) smoked salmon, just cos I know she likes it

FBaby

I'm surprise everyone is responding so aggressively on the basis of just one post and few words. It sounds like OP got upset by MIL's behaviour and maybe decided to only mention the low value of the gifts as one trigger for it.

Everything is relative. If the kids are 5, and MIL is bragging because of a sense of inadequacy because the reality is that she is not half as well off as she pretends, then I don't think the issue is selfishness.

If however she is indeed very well off and it is custom for the family to spend £50 on each other which she knows well, then maybe she has a tendency to be selfish.

Then again, depending on her age, it might be something that can just be put down to old age indeed. My mum is becoming more and more selfish as she gets older, not because she is nasty but because she is becoming more protective of herself because of growing more anxious about losing her independence. I just grit my teeth when she takes it a bit too far.

Kim_kim

FBaby wrote: »

I'm surprise everyone is responding so aggressively on the basis of just one post and few words. It sounds like OP got upset by MIL's behaviour and maybe decided to only mention the low value of the gifts as one trigger for it.

Everything is relative. If the kids are 5, and MIL is bragging because of a sense of inadequacy because the reality is that she is not half as well off as she pretends, then I don't think the issue is selfishness.

If however she is indeed very well off and it is custom for the family to spend £50 on each other which she knows well, then maybe she has a tendency to be selfish.

Then again, depending on her age, it might be something that can just be put down to old age indeed. My mum is becoming more and more selfish as she gets older, not because she is nasty but because she is becoming more protective of herself because of growing more anxious about losing her independence. I just grit my teeth when she takes it a bit too far.

I'm a mother & a grandmother - if I thought someone was taking advantage of my daughter & her family it would annoy me.
They both work really hard to support their two children & pay for their home.
I guess that's what annoyed the grandmother who posted.

74jax

Kim_kim wrote: »

I'm a mother & a grandmother - if I thought someone was taking advantage of my daughter & her family it would annoy me.
They both work really hard to support their two children & pay for their home.
I guess that's what annoyed the grandmother who posted.

But I don't see going round for an invited meal as taking advantage of them.

balletshoes

FBaby wrote: »

I'm surprise everyone is responding so aggressively on the basis of just one post and few words. It sounds like OP got upset by MIL's behaviour and maybe decided to only mention the low value of the gifts as one trigger for it.

Everything is relative. If the kids are 5, and MIL is bragging because of a sense of inadequacy because the reality is that she is not half as well off as she pretends, then I don't think the issue is selfishness.

If however she is indeed very well off and it is custom for the family to spend £50 on each other which she knows well, then maybe she has a tendency to be selfish.

Then again, depending on her age, it might be something that can just be put down to old age indeed. My mum is becoming more and more selfish as she gets older, not because she is nasty but because she is becoming more protective of herself because of growing more anxious about losing her independence. I just grit my teeth when she takes it a bit too far.

maybe - but thats really all we can go on, isn't it? The rest is conjecture. I posted a reply based on the original post.

splishsplash

Kim_kim wrote: »

I'm a mother & a grandmother - if I thought someone was taking advantage of my daughter & her family it would annoy me.
They both work really hard to support their two children & pay for their home.
I guess that's what annoyed the grandmother who posted.

Would you really be so quick to judge on the basis of one day though? I imagine the other granny 'eating five times as much' as she gifted is simple hyperbole and not meant to be taken literally. An invited guest is not usually expected to pay for her dinner anyway so I'm not sure what the OP expected.

OP, you were also an invited guest. It might be helpful if you explain what you did or what was expected?

You seem to have three issues with the other granny: her gifts were on the mean side, she ate and drank too much, she talked openly about her finances.

The first two are really none of your business (sorry if that sounds harsh). How the conversation turned to finances is anyone's guess - did it come up as a general topic? I would feel puzzled if someone at a dinner table suddenly told me what they earned or had in savings, but could understand it if the general conversation was about the cost of living, recent price hikes etc. A simple case of oversharing? Then again, the other granny may just feel comfortable discussing such things with family members, i.e. her daughter?

I hope you were just having a general rant, OP and that you feel better now. All the best for the New Year:beer:

Kim_kim

74jax wrote: »

But I don't see going round for an invited meal as taking advantage of them.

No, but I was invited for Christmas & I turned up with bags of food - my daughter knew what I was bringing so didn't have to get it in.
I wouldn't have dreamt of turning up empty handed.