Unbelievably selfish woman

nearlyrich

We do Christmas we are always asked can we bring anything we always say just yourselves. Most people rock up with a bottle or something which is nice but not expected. We like to see them all having a good time speaking to each other and it's not about how much money we have or how much we spend.

LilElvis

Kim_kim wrote: »

I don't mean cooking, I mean the cost of the food.

I think the selfish comment was turning up empty handed with pretty mean presents assuming she really is loaded & as she's the grandmother.

She was an invited guest, so why should she be expected to contribute towards the food? Would you turn up to a wedding with a platter of canapes?

What has her wealth, either real or inflated, to do with the value of her gifts? The only time I have ever heard of a correlation between earnings and the cost of an item is the one propagated by diamond producers in relation to X times months of salary = how much "should" be spent on an engagement ring. I doubt if the Queen bought her family new tiaras and Rolls Royces for Christmas, though she could afford them in spades.

Kim_kim

LilElvis wrote: »

She was an invited guest, so why should she be expected to contribute towards the food? Would you turn up to a wedding with a platter of canapes?

What has her wealth, either real or inflated, to do with the value of her gifts? The only time I have ever heard of a correlation between earnings and the cost of an item is the one propagated by diamond producers in relation to X times months of salary = how much "should" be spent on an engagement ring. I doubt if the Queen bought her family new tiaras and Rolls Royces for Christmas, though she could afford them in spades.

She's the mother & grandmother, not a regular guest.
The other mother/grandmother clearly thought she was taking advantage, so my guess is the hosts could have done with a little help.
I can only put myself in her shoes & in this instance I would have wanted to contribute & share the expense of Xmas.

Vikipollard

PasturesNew wrote: »

I wouldn't take something for the table as I figure the host has everything sorted out and have a plan ... and my random item would upset the equilibrium of their dream hosting plans.

For something like Xmas I take stuff that can be shoved in their cupboard, for themselves, for some future date. e.g. I took a bottle of sparkly booze and some 'good quality' chocolate covered biscuits. I am also aware not to overload hosts with food because they've probably already over-catered and other guests will have also brought them something, so they'll be feeling snowed under before the day starts.

I always make it clear that what I bring isn't to be "opened today", but opened at their discretion in the future for whatever date/reason they choose. Certainly not "open this booze today because I bought it for today; and open this other food today because I brought it".


Er, is it not OK to bring nothing if you're told to bring nothing? If you can't trust/rely on what people are telling you to do then the world's in chaos!
"Bring nothing" to many means just that.

For the avoidance of doubt - as it appears to be necessary - I'm also not saying that it ISNT okay to take nothing if told not to do so. If it was me, I'd at least take a bottle of wine or something for the hosts for another time - and we don't know that she didn't. Nothing in the original post actually says that she did OR didn't.

duchy

Kim_kim wrote: »

No, but I was invited for Christmas & I turned up with bags of food - my daughter knew what I was bringing so didn't have to get it in.
I wouldn't have dreamt of turning up empty handed.

If my Mum had turned up with bags of food I'd have been livid
I don't invite my loved ones around for dinner and have them show up with food to feed themselves. I'm not a child and if I want to treat my Mum to a lovely meal I don't expect her to undermine that by turning up with different food which I'd then feel obliged to cook.

Your daughter may be fine with you paying to eat at her house (I really hope she is) but for others entertaining is something adults do and Mum insisting you can't do it so turns up with half the meal would be quite insulting.........and teeth are gritted at the implication you can't handle a meal as no-one wants to hurt their guests feelings. Obviously if someone would struggle to afford to entertain it's sometimes appropriate- although it might be kinder to invite them to yours instead.

Parents don't always make perfect guests sometimes but we grit our teeth and smile because we love them !

suki1964

Kim_kim wrote: »

She's the mother & grandmother, not a regular guest.
The other mother/grandmother clearly thought she was taking advantage, so my guess is the hosts could have done with a little help.
I can only put myself in her shoes & in this instance I would have wanted to contribute & share the expense of Xmas.

Im a (step) mum and grandmum and I want to be treated as any other guest - not someone who rocks up, does the baby sitting, helps cook the dinner and does the dishes - and be expected to contribute :rotfl:

Same as when the family descends on me - often with only a few hours warning, I wont expect them to be running around after me. The only thing they are asked to bring ( if its a short notice thing ) is milk for the baby, if I know in advance they are coming its in ready

duchy

Kim_kim wrote: »

She's the mother & grandmother, not a regular guest.
The other mother/grandmother clearly thought she was taking advantage, so my guess is the hosts could have done with a little help.
I can only put myself in her shoes & in this instance I would have wanted to contribute & share the expense of Xmas.

That's your take
My take was the OP doesn't like her and didn't want to share Christmas day with her as well as her son and grandchilden.
Nowhere does the OP say or even imply that her son or DIL were the least bit bothered .

LilElvis

Kim_kim wrote: »

She's the mother & grandmother, not a regular guest.
The other mother/grandmother clearly thought she was taking advantage, so my guess is the hosts could have done with a little help.
I can only put myself in her shoes & in this instance I would have wanted to contribute & share the expense of Xmas.

My experience, and expectations, of "entertaining" is obviously at variance with yours. They are family, so if I had wanted or needed help I would have been happy to ask beforehand. I was brought up in a family where entertaining large numbers was a regular occurrence, helping my Mum with the cooking and serving, and they still host full, 3 course meals for 20+ at a time in their mid 70s. A Christmas roast dinner for immediate family is a doddle in comparison. My MIL is German and it is usual there for the host to provide everything - major birthday parties there are the size of wedding receptions with every drop of alcohol (and there is a lot!) provided by the host.

This Christmas my husband was seriously ill and was out of bed for a little over an hour in total between Christmas Day and Boxing Day. I cooked and washed up by myself as my Mum deserves, after decades of cooking for others, to spend a few days being looked after by me and spending enjoyable hours with her granddaughter. My Dad has gone through a couple of years of major operations and chemotherapy so he was quite welcome to sit on the sofa quaffing wines I had chosen for him as it is one of his greatest pleasures.

Just because you, and the OP, would have done more than the son's MIL did it doesn't mean that the hosts expected or wanted it.

Kim_kim

duchy wrote: »

If my Mum had turned up with bags of food I'd have been livid
I don't invite my loved ones around for dinner and have them show up with food to feed themselves. I'm not a child and if I want to treat my Mum to a lovely meal I don't expect her to undermine that by turning up with different food which I'd then feel obliged to cook.

Your daughter may be fine with you paying to eat at her house (I really hope she is) but for others entertaining is something adults do and Mum insisting you can't do it so turns up with half the meal would be quite insulting.........and teeth are gritted at the implication you can't handle a meal as no-one wants to hurt their guests feelings. Obviously if someone would struggle to afford to entertain it's sometimes appropriate- although it might be kinder to invite them to yours instead.

Parents don't always make perfect guests sometimes but we grit our teeth and smile because we love them !

It's easier for me to go to them, we have a close relationship & the help is appreciated. She was messaging me with things to add to the list in the run up.

Lily-Rose_3

Kim_kim wrote: »

No, but I was invited for Christmas & I turned up with bags of food - my daughter knew what I was bringing so didn't have to get it in.
I wouldn't have dreamt of turning up empty handed.

duchy wrote: »

If my Mum had turned up with bags of food I'd have been livid ... I don't invite my loved ones around for dinner and have them show up with food to feed themselves. I'm not a child and if I want to treat my Mum to a lovely meal I don't expect her to undermine that by turning up with different food which I'd then feel obliged to cook.

Your daughter may be fine with you paying to eat at her house (I really hope she is) but for others entertaining is something adults do and Mum insisting you can't do it so turns up with half the meal would be quite insulting.........and teeth are gritted at the implication you can't handle a meal as no-one wants to hurt their guests feelings. Obviously if someone would struggle to afford to entertain it's sometimes appropriate- although it might be kinder to invite them to yours instead.

Parents don't always make perfect guests sometimes but we grit our teeth and smile because we love them !

I agree 100% with Duchy.

If I asked someone to dinner, I would find it incredibly bizarre and very odd if someone turned up with bags of food. !!!!!!? :rotfl:

As someone said earlier, I wouldn't invite someone if I couldn't bloomin' feed them! How bizarre!

I can't believe anyone does this!