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Dealing with idle nephew
Comments
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You have been more than patient.
Get rid asap...0 -
Is he usually quite a volatile person? He sounds a bit immature. Let's hope that if he ever gets a job he stops and thinks before hitting the send button on any communications :eek: His behaviour is not acceptable nor appropriate for a 22 year old, let alone to family!left the forum due to trolling/other nonsense
28.3.20160 -
Although OP if you follow this advice and things go the same for you the same as they've done here, then you'll never speak to your nephew again.....I think that's a risk you have to take. If the young man (did I really read nephypoo?) doesn't have the grace (in time maybe) to realise the wording of his text was completely unacceptable then that's his problem.From just a glimpse of the sort of abusive texts he's sent, I wouldn't necessarily see that as a negative outcome.
And this is the reality - SiL has, after c.2yrs, started to realise the error of her ways and mature enough to make contact with Mrs K3 and in time things may improve further.
Families are strange things but the OP's Nephew needs a proverbial kick and it's up to him how he takes it0 -
And this is the reality - SiL has, after c.2yrs, started to realise the error of her ways and mature enough to make contact with Mrs K3 and in time things may improve further.
Families are strange things but the OP's Nephew needs a proverbial kick and it's up to him how he takes it
Obviously we come from different family backgrounds but I wouldn't see it as a good thing that your sister in law fled your house before your flight landed and has never spoken to you since.
All the OP has done wrong is send one abusive text when he was told he was being sent back to the US in three weeks when he has lived in the UK for the last six years. It's not nice what he has done but it was obviously a bit of a shock for him!
He left university only 5-6 months ago and is only 22. I feel sorry for him as it's not nice to be told you have to leave the place/country your called home in three weeks!0 -
Bond,James_Bond wrote: »His parents are now over here for a vacation. We suggested to them that if this job he's waiting to hear about doesn't materialise, he should return with them to the USA on 9 January. They agreed, but somehow never mentioned it to him. When we mentioned it to him we got the most awful, foul abuse from him, and he sent both of us really nasty, swear word filled texts.All the OP has done wrong is send one abusive text when he was told he was being sent back to the US in three weeks when he has lived in the UK for the last six years. It's not nice what he has done but it was obviously a bit of a shock for him!
No-one can make him go back to the US if he wants to stay - he's an adult.
What his parents and other relatives might do is stop supporting his life style so that he can learn to manage on his own like most 22 year olds do.0 -
Obviously we come from different family backgrounds but I wouldn't see it as a good thing that your sister in law fled your house before your flight landed and has never spoken to you since.
All the OP has done wrong is send one abusive text when he was told he was being sent back to the US in three weeks when he has lived in the UK for the last six years. It's not nice what he has done but it was obviously a bit of a shock for him!
He left university only 5-6 months ago and is only 22. I feel sorry for him as it's not nice to be told you have to leave the place/country your called home in three weeks!
Indeed it appears we do - whilst 'family' should be strong there are times where respect is due. A 22yo graduate is no longer a baby and if they responded to a Manager or Colleague in the same way with an abusive text would more than likely be fired immediately with no reference etc, if they did it to someone less controlled the situation could be far worse.
In this case 'family' generally overrules this risk and allows a 2nd chance - there is however likely to need to be a significant change in behaviour/attitude, an apology and the passing of time. In our situation neither the change in behaviour/attitude nor apology were likely to happen therefore the passing of time is the healer0 -
Doesn't sound like one text to me:All the OP has done wrong is send one abusive text when he was told he was being sent back to the US in three weeks when he has lived in the UK for the last six years. It's not nice what he has done but it was obviously a bit of a shock for him!Bond,James_Bond wrote: »When we mentioned it to him we got the most awful, foul abuse from him, and he sent both of us really nasty, swear word filled texts.0 -
No-one can make him go back to the US if he wants to stay - he's an adult.
What his parents and other relatives might do is stop supporting his life style so that he can learn to manage on his own like most 22 year olds do.
He's only been given three weeks notice. That isn't time for him to find somewhere else to live or get a job to be able to support himself.
I accept many 22 year olds manage fine. I would however say that not many 22 year olds are suddenly told they have to leave a house in three weeks when they don't have a job or anywhere else to go.
Also I would point out he is currently going through an interview process for a job, so I am unsure if he is the idle layabout who is being described here. If he was just sitting there doing nothing then I can see it's a problem. He does however appear to be genuinely looking for a job.0 -
He's only been given three weeks notice. That isn't time for him to find somewhere else to live or get a job to be able to support himself.
I accept many 22 year olds manage fine. I would however say that not many 22 year olds are suddenly told they have to leave a house in three weeks when they don't have a job or anywhere else to go.
The three weeks issue was the time frame for going back to the US with his parents.
He hasn't been in any adult discussions with his hosts about staying longer in their house or how he could contribute to their household to make life easier for them, whether that would be financial or through practical help.
If relations have really broken down, he could become a lodger with someone else at very short notice.0 -
You can appeal to his lazy nature - He needs to work and save to buy a property if he is to have any hope of early retirement, if he isn't clever about it he'll doom himself to renting and working to 68This is a system account and does not represent a real person. To contact the Forum Team email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com0
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