Dealing with idle nephew

heuchera

Bond,James_Bond wrote: »

He is, sad to say, unrepentant over his abuse. His father told him to apologise, which he refused and when pressed he wanted to get up and storm off again - his Dad quite literally physically stopped him. Let him storm off. He's got to grow up sometime. Maybe when he realises his family aren't going to baby him any longer he'll go and get a job. What incentive does he have to earn money and support himself if he's living the life of Reilly in someone else's house?

The upshot is that it is agreed (with very bad grace on his part, I have to say) that he may stay with us until the end of May. If by that time he has not found a job and/or somewhere else to live he will return to the USA to his parents. Bad grace on HIS part? The cheek of some people:eek:

He will not stay in bed beyond 9am on a weekday, and will make more effort to find a job - of course he will... he (reluctantly) agrees that he has in every case waited to learn the outcome of the previous application before trying another job. He says he is still hopeful of the job for which he applied in September ( but then also admits he has done nothing to find out if that is, in fact dead)

He will email his parents each weekend to update them on his job seeking activity. ( and cc me and my good lady) Yeah yeah.. for a week or two, maybe :rotfl:

In passing, he was away, living in halls while at Uni - he forfeited his deposit as he left the place in such a poor condition.

I think you know that none of this is gonna happen, OP but I wish you luck. I think you should have stood your ground, personally, and sent him back to the U.S. He's not even sorry for sending that text.

BigAunty

He is still hopeful about his job application made 3 or 4 months ago?! Hasn't occurred to him that it is very much dead?!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

heuchera wrote: »

And did she send abusive messages to the people she held responsible for her situation saying "f--- you" (and worse) and start blaming other people for her predicament?


How is this young man going to cope with stressful situations and nasty surprises in the workplace if he's that much of an immature brat that he calls his benefactors every name under the sun as soon as they tell him they've had enough of him lounging around?


A 'bombshell' has been dropped but frankly it really shouldn't have been that much of a surprise. Not to most of us in the real world. The "bombshell" being: no you can't sit around for months on end at your relatives expense, and if you continue to do so you might as well go back and live with your parents, as they are responsible for you, not us. OK they could have discussed it directly with him, but they probably knew that he'd react like this, so neither the parents nor the aunt and uncle wanted to instigate the discussion.


This man is in a lot better situation than most people, including your friend. He has 2 homes: his aunt and uncle's and his parents. He's 22 years old, - time to grow up and stop stamping his feet.

She ended up getting an emergency MH referral because she was in such a state. Probably because it reminded her of having to go into care at a similar age to the OP's nephew because the arrangements broke down very quickly after she was orphaned.

At least she had somebody she could go to. Because we're older, not all skint ex students flipping burgers or still living at home, as most of his mates probably are.

Pollycat

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

She ended up getting an emergency MH referral because she was in such a state. Probably because it reminded her of having to go into care at a similar age to the OP's nephew because the arrangements broke down very quickly after she was orphaned.

At least she had somebody she could go to. Because we're older, not all skint ex students flipping burgers or still living at home, as most of his mates probably are.

Given this guy's background - didn't want to live in the USA because he found it 'intolerable', doesn't want to go back 'because of the Republicans', has been very rude to the people who've taken him in and remains unrepentant about abusive texts he sent them - I wonder just how many 'mates' he has.

duchy

Pollycat wrote: »

Given this guy's background - didn't want to live in the USA because he found it 'intolerable', doesn't want to go back 'because of the Republicans', has been very rude to the people who've taken him in and remains unrepentant about abusive texts he sent them - I wonder just how many 'mates' he has.

I suspect he's very isolated and once his parents have gone home Aunt and Uncle can hopefully have the adult conversations that are needed and help him move forward with an adult life.