Dealing with idle nephew

heuchera

Homeownertobe wrote: »

Didn't it happen?
From the OP:
Sounds lovely and welcoming.

You are quoting selectively. If you look at the whole scenario, it's the nephew who is in the wrong. Though the adults around him should have been much more assertive with him earlier.

It's like VikiPollard said, the lad's pretty much had the run of the house till now, and has suddenly and unceremoniously found out that his cushy lifestyle is about to come to an abrupt end. No wonder he's throwing his rattle out of the pram, lol.

Person_one

Vikipollard wrote: »

The OP has said that his wife works away 2 weeks in 4, and he is away Mon-Fri, so this lazy git is living the life of Riley in what is essentially his own place.



.

Its funny how people see things differently. To me that sounds like he's been without much adult input and guidance since 16, and in reality, who of us was a fully formed well rounded adult with no more need of parenting at 16?

Andypandyboy

heuchera wrote: »

You are quoting selectively. If you look at the whole scenario, it's the nephew who is in the wrong. Though the adults around him should have been much more assertive with him earlier.

It's like VikiPollard said, the lad's pretty much had the run of the house till now, and has suddenly and unceremoniously found out that his cushy lifestyle is about to come to an abrupt end. No wonder he's throwing his rattle out of the pram, lol.

The run of the house or left to fend for himself? We have no idea if the living arrangements were that way from when he arrived as a 16 year old.

No one is condoning his text, but he has paid for food and maybe his parents should have managed the arrangments with regard to bills etc, at the outset of the arrangement?

patanne

A lot of people seem to be quite prepared to blame the Op & his wife for everything but what parent despatches their 16 year old half way round the world to live with an uncle by marriage that is away Mon to Fri and an Aunt that is away 2 weeks in 4?

Vikipollard

Person_one wrote: »

Its funny how people see things differently. To me that sounds like he's been without much adult input and guidance since 16, and in reality, who of us was a fully formed well rounded adult with no more need of parenting at 16?

We don't actually know whether this has been the case since he was 16 though - but I admit it could be.

I'd be surprised if it was, as the parents have effectively sent their child over knowing he would be unsupervised - and the OP would also have known that a relative stranger (and teenaged at that) would be living in their house alone. I'd taken it that at least one of them had been there until he went to Uni, but could b wrong.

heuchera

Andypandyboy wrote: »

The run of the house or left to fend for himself? We hav no idea if the living arrangements were that way from when he arrived as a 16 year old.

No one is condoning his text, but he has paid for food and maybe his parents should have managed the arrangments with regard to bills etc, at the outset of the arrangement?

The problem with that view is, he is no longer a teenager. He is a 22 year old man. The abusive text did not come from a hormonal teenager, but a grown man who's just discovered he can no longer laze around in bed till 1pm at somebody else's expense, and only apply for 2 jobs in 6 months.

Hopefully this will be the wake-up call he needs. This situation could have gone on for years, had it not come to a head now :eek:

Vikipollard

I think we're agreed that we don't know what the arrangements were when he was 16.

However, he has had the experience of Uni, which is most teenagers' first attempt at looking after themselves. He clearly survived that.

The fact is that he knows he should be working, but has apparently made very little effort to find a job. If what he (now) wants to do is in such a niche field that there are only two vacancies in six months, he either needs to move to a different area, or do what others would do; get a job - any job - whilst chasing his dream.

It's time society stopped perpetuating the circle of entitlement and advocated some responsibility. He's an adult. With that comes a greater degree of freedom, but it also means people don't have to pander to you and accept bad behaviour and downright laziness.

Andypandyboy

heuchera wrote: »

The problem with that view is, he is no longer a teenager. He is a 22 year old man. The abusive text did not come from a hormonal teenager, but a grown man who's just discovered he can no longer laze around in bed till 1pm at somebody else's expense, and only apply for 2 jobs in 6 months.

Hopefully this will be the wake-up call he needs. This situation could have gone on for years, had it not come to a head now :eek:

Yes, he is now 22, but if he has been left without guidance or love, since he was 16 then all concerned are now reaping the consequences. Young lads are not all hard as nails.

I agree it was an abusive text but it could also be a cry of real despair. No one but the OP knows the truth of it.

maman

Andypandyboy wrote: »

Yes, he is now 22, but if he has been left without guidance or love, since he was 16 then all concerned are now reaping the consequences. Young lads are not all hard as nails.

I agree it was an abusive text but it could also be a cry of real despair. No one but the OP knows the truth of it.

Possibly not even the OP but the nephew himself. Whichever is the case. I don't think wallowing is a way forward.

heuchera

Homeownertobe wrote: »

I'm quoting specifically the part of the OP which you claim did not happen.

Don't play with me child, you're not nearly as clever as you think you are.

Quoting selectively.. as I said