What to do when you feel utterly worthless and can't get over an abusive ex

uberalles

Tell him to stop texting you. Whilst he continues , and you aren't firm, he knows you will always be there for him.

Wish you the best of luck.

Primrose

Go to bed tonight and tell yourself that when when wake up in the morning yku will no longer let all these feelings of insdequancy dog you. We all go theough bad patches like this when we lose lur self confidence.
Tell yourself tomorrow will be a new start and YOU will control your emotions, not other people. If doubts start creeping intonyiur brain, dismiss them. Don't let other people control the direction in which you want your life to go.

Mrshaworth2b

x-Princess-Vikki-x wrote: »

Thank you. (P.S. that group hug emoji looks a bit dodgy doesn't it?)

He text me today saying that he wants me to be happy and he cannot be the one to make me happy and he doesn't deserve to, he wants me to find someone who can do everything I always wanted him to. He blames himself and says he is an actual bad person and therefore would never be able to stop hurting me.

He was honest and didn't blame me this time at least which makes a nice change But now I guess that's it then. xx

Oh also I've emailed and will call some local counselling services to see if that will help me get better a bit quicker.

Been there, worn the t shirt. This sort of text isn't him being nice and wishing you all the best. It's control, it's "I'm such a horrible person and you deserve so much better and I am not worthy of you" for you to then think "he does care for me, he does realise he's done me wrong" in the hope you'll them say "no, your amazing, you are worthy of me, it's my fault" and you'll be reeled back in. Best thing you can do is change your number then he can't even get in touch.

tea_lover

Mrshaworth2b wrote: »

Been there, worn the t shirt. This sort of text isn't him being nice and wishing you all the best. It's control, it's "I'm such a horrible person and you deserve so much better and I am not worthy of you" for you to then think "he does care for me, he does realise he's done me wrong" in the hope you'll them say "no, your amazing, you are worthy of me, it's my fault" and you'll be reeled back in. Best thing you can do is change your number then he can't even get in touch.

Could not agree with this more, it's just so manipulative.

jenhug

I'm just wondering, you say you love him, but could you actually pin point what it is you love about him?

x-Princess-Vikki-x

.............

whitewing

Why don't you talk to your parents about it? (Or one of them at least?) Sometimes it is only seeing someone be shocked at what you say that brings home that you need to change the way you think about someone.

meritaten

Vicki - I thought exactly the same thing as mrshayworth. he is trying to get in your good books again. to begin the same cycle. charm you, convince you he is worth loving, then his power and mind games begin again.
Do you realise why? because he has realised that this time is different - he is in danger of losing you! and he isn't going to have that, even if he has to be nice to you.
BUT - you aren't going to fall for it this time are you?
I know its a faff - but could you change your mobile phone number? you really need to go 'non-contact' with him now.
Cut him out of your life.
and you miss him like you miss toothache! its true that we can all become so used to a 'bad thing' we miss it when its gone!
keep in mind this 'missing him' is not going to last forever. as each day passes you WILL get better and better and in a few years he will mean nothing to you. you will not even think about him.

I would suggest you text him one last time - on the lines of 'On second thoughts, it wasn't my fault it was yours. don't text me again.'
then ignore any further texts - block him and change your number ASAP.
oh and STOP feeling stupid! our advice comes from 'age and experience'! youre going through the experience and in years to come you will sit where some of us are now - and give advice yourself.

pinpin

It's amazing.
One of my family members used to be so horrible to his girlfriend. All kinds of abuse. And she was a gorgeous, young professional model who had her pick of any man she wanted. As a teenager, I used to look on in disbelief at how she would cry over him and beg him not to leave her when he'd say ''Go away! I'm bored with you. Find a new boyfriend!!'' etc etc after a horrid (sometimes physical) fight.
I remember thinking 'i'll go out with her instead and treat her nicely!!'' (although I was a little young for her not to mention that she was completely out of my league in terms of looks!)
''Treat 'em mean keep 'em keen'' really does seem to be a thing!!

Out of curiosity, what exactly is it about him that you like and 'miss'?? What does he do for a living? Is he especially good-looking?? He appears to be able to attract women easily?

As for advice - Obviously you know that the answer is the completely ignore any communication from this point on and forget about him and move on, but in my experience, this advice is never taken until it's too late or until 'maximum pain' is reached. Maybe you just haven't reached that point yet

Frogletina

nearlyrich wrote: »

It's not easy I know but one day you will wake up and you won't actually care whether he is alive or dead.

I was with my first husband for only 18 months, in my teenage years. My self esteem went to rock bottom during those months but I got out, and kept out.

When I heard last year that he had died I felt nothing at all. He'd put me through hell, but I went from being afraid of him to being my own person again and I rarely thought of him in the years that followed.