What to do when you feel utterly worthless and can't get over an abusive ex

FredG

Don't look at it as 7 years wasted. You've had 7 years of experience that will help you spot these traits in others which will protect you from being dragged into a repeat situation with a similarly horrible human being.


Don't feel like you're the idiot or you're the failure. People who have the capacity to treat others like that are never happy. They live their life under a cloud of hatred and negativity and will hop from one overly dramatic situation to the next. That's not going to be you any more. Chin up and take time to yourself, get to know yourself again. When you're ready, get up and take a few steps forward.


You'll look back and thank this idiot one day.

DKLS

I would also suggest cutting any ties and communication channels completely, change your mobile number, email address, MSN etc and either have a clear out of social media or ditch it.

When I left my ex and all the inventive lies started being told, rather than fight my corner and give my side it was so much easier to ditch all joint friends.

Take small steps forward and don't look back other than to remind you what you don't need in your life.

Ps I 'wasted' 12 years, not really it was good learning and makes me realise how awesome my wife is and appreciate her every day.

tea_lover

Good points on the wasted time. Part of the reason I stayed as long as I did was that I didn't want to have wasted that time - which is v silly to me now as obviously the longer I stayed the longer I wasted.... but it made some sort of sense at the time!

Definitely try to see it as a learning experience rather than a waste - you've learned that he's an idiot, now time to move on.

Would also second the suggestion about getting your hair done (or something similar). It may sound trivial or shallow but it's a little boost, a treat to remind yourself that you are worth treating.

duchy

Of course getting a hair appointment this close to Christmas might be the biggest challenge of all !!

Seriously- I suspect writing it all down was probably a really good first step -and I hope you've woken up today with some optimism and looking forward not back.

CRANKY40

You're not stupid or pathetic, you made a mistake. Do yourself a favour and don't make the same mistake a second time. When my sister broke free of her verbally abusive ex it took her a while to see the light, but three months later she said it was like she'd been brain washed into believing that she was fat, stupid and worthless.

Do what the others on here have suggested. Have a few pampering sessions and spend a bit of time thinking about what you want to achieve for yourself. You deserve better than him. You really do.

Incidentally, it only takes one hard punch in the face to kill someone. That's how my mum's second husband killer her. Please don't go back to him.

Tamsin_Temrin

Google the Freedom Programme. I've heard it's very good and can help pick you up and stop you blaming yourself.

Its tough now. Just imagine how tough it would be after twenty years of this.

Stevie_Palimo

I just wanted to say if the avatar is you Vikki then fear not as you are far from fat and also should look at this from another perspective whereby you will get over this idiot and find someone who truly deserves you and will treat you right, At the moment your world may seem like it is crumbling around you but this is just a blip in life and you will come through it stronger and better, My only suggestion here is to be guarded against any new potential partners but not too much where you do not let them in, Life is short you know so as easy as it is to say time is a healer and give it a year or so and you will look back and go why did I waste time on the idiot. Good luck and remember that if you rise above this and hold your head high without getting into slanging matches you will be the better person.

moneycantbuyyouhappiness

Please don't feel like you have wasted this time. You are exceptionally brave for coming to terms that this POS is no good for you and walking away! That takes real guts. The next bit will be hard. But you can do it, it will get easier and I promise you no matter how long it takes you will look back and have no feelings for him whatsoever. No hatred, No love, NOTHING.

The mind is a very powerful thing. Put yourself first. Start learning to love yourself again and when the time is right you will realise that you are worth so much more xx

dancingfairy

Of course you're going to feel rubbish, you were with him pretty much your while adult life up to this point. You've had seven years of him poisoning you'd mind, making you think you can't live without him etc etc. Being with someone for 7 years is going to take some time to get over and that's without all the mind games/ messing about etc.
You can get over it and you will get over it. It's sad you feel you can't talk to your friends and family about it but understandable. Maybe get in touch with women's aid or another domestic violence charity to get some help to feel stronger.
Df

dancingfairy

Also your doctor may be able to give you something to help you sleep/ help ease the anxiety whilst you get counselling/ support. In fact your doctor may be able to signpost or refer you to local specialist counselling.
The freedom programme programming mentioned earlier is meant to be really good so see if you can get on that if you can.
Lack of sleep can make you feel rubbish on top of everything else. Is there anything you can do to help yourself? Something that requires concentration to distract yourself (ie sewing or needle craft), any type of sport that will help get some stress hormones out of your body ( and tire you out in the process), anything you fund relaxing or soothing such as reading a book, making a cup of tea, having a relaxing bath etc.
Try and be as kind to yourself as possible as well as working with the professionals.
Df