What to do when you feel utterly worthless and can't get over an abusive ex

x-Princess-Vikki-x

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VfM4meplse

Believe it or not, it will go away with time. You have been unlucky to have been stung twice.

Start being kind to yourself and spend time with people who love you and have your best interests at heart. And don't ever look back, what's done is done so make plans for every month next year, and move forwards.

sweetme

The girlfriend of his colleague certainly had ulterior motives. What a nasty piece of work she is!

You're definitely NOT stupid and you're definitely NOT pathetic. This will pass, how you're feeling right now about yourself will pass, I promise.

I'd definitely recommend counselling, an impartial ear. There used to be a sticky thread with links. I'll try find it.

I've been where you are right now, you'll be amazed at how much strength you can find in yourself :A

Mojisola

You don't sound pathetic or stupid. You are where you are because of the way he has behaved towards you - it will pass with time as you start to find yourself again.

At the moment, you still believe you are the person he has told you that you are - you're much better than that!

Please talk to your friends and family - they will probably be upset to know that you are feeling so bad but didn't feel you could confide in them.

tea_lover

It will get easier, it really really will. But you have to go through the pain - much as we'd like to there's no shortcut of ignoring it or the like.

My last relationship was very similar to this a few years ago - constant cheating, lying, total lack of respect, the woman he was cheating with harassing me (phone calls at 3am, smashing my windscreen...she was a right charmer!)

I knew I needed to end things but the pain of not speaking to him or seeing him was so awful. I'd cave every time...end up calling him and practically begging him to give things another chance (even though he was the one cheating!). I think I went a bit mad - all that mattered to me was that she didn't win, even though clearly the prize was definitely not worth having!

All that did was tell him load and clear that he didn't need to respect me, that he didn't need to be honest, that he could treat me like dirt and I'd always put up with it.

Ten years I wasted with him, till I finally came to my senses a few months ago. I got to the point where I just didn't care anymore. I've got no idea if he was still cheating (last proof I had was a few years ago) but I really wouldn't have been surprised. Now I know I've made the break I've honestly never felt better.

All of that massive ramble (sorry!) was to say that it will get better. You know for yourself he's no catch. You deserve better, you really do. Please don't make my mistake and take ten years to realise that.

(((hugs)))

x-Princess-Vikki-x

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Prothet_of_Doom

I truly believe that time is a great healer, that there are lots of genuine kind people in the world, and that if you step back, and get on with life, and perhaps be a little guarded about your emotions, you will eventually find that you have genuine friends, and may even find real love. Perhaps offer to help a charity out at the weekends, start a new hobby during the week, and just live YOUR life, to your rules.

Guest101

You're not stupid or pathetic. But now you have made this realisation, do not go back.

Sometimes it's hours, sometimes it's years, but when you realise something is this bad, you need to stop, if you dont, you'll miss out on your whole life.

SailorSam

I was watching a programme earlier on on bbc2. It was a year and they went through all the women that had been murdered by their partners / husbands. Some were only about 18/20 yrs old, but others were in their 60s and 70s. Many of them had been killed when they tried to escape an abusive marriage of years and years.
Although you're feeling pain now it will go and would probably be much worse had you'd stayed.
http://www.tvguide.co.uk/detail/2260678/113675871/love-you-to-death-a-year-of-domestic-violence#.VnH56dJoh4A

duchy

Telling your friends and family you've split from him and won't be going back serves two purposes - it gets you support ......and it makes it real and harder to do a one eighty degree turn.

I think it's very easy to feel that having put so many years into a relationship you don't want to "waste it" but the other side of it is "For everything there is a season" and your relationship has reached its expiry date and there's no point in one more try.

Join meet up, get your hair done (amazing how a new look can make us feel very different about ourselves) , give yourself permission to be happy and start building the life you want -and leave that compromise life behind you.

Blue_Choo_Choo

The First step towards recovery is to be honest with yourself.

The Second step is to seek resolution. You have sought resolution by writing what you have.

Once you have seen through the clouds of hurt that fog your mind you will start to see clearer.

When you start viewing what happened with clarity, you will start to feel better. What you are viewing now is known as the fog of negativity. This is part of the recovery process.

You have been burned by trusting someone who betrayed your trust. You know how bad he is. You know how bad she is. Together they will both get burned by the same fire they burned you with. You don't have to burn yourself out over it any more.

You are free from the torment, although it's your own mind tormenting you. Ask yourself why am I doing this to myself?

The further you beat yourself down. The harder it is to climb back up. Do you want to start climbing back up?

By writing what you did. You have taken the First steps. What can't be determined is how far you want to climb?

Next time you have negative thoughts. Think of something happy. You need to start fighting back the negatives by replacing them with positives.

You can do it. I believe in you. You gave me the belief in you by opening up, sharing your bad life experiences with me. We all suffer One way or another. What defines are character is how we fight back when adversity strikes us down.

Stand up. Stand tall. Stand strong. You are a fighter. Let that fighter in you lead you to victory.