How to deal with racist family members

SG27

Have your parents always been like this? Have the got worse recently? I would have thought growing up with them you would have got used to it. In fact I think you have done very well not.to turn out like them!

My mum now in her 70s used to come our with some awful racist stuff when I was young. But gradually as times have changed so have attitudes and I'm sure she wouldn't dream of saying such things now. I wouldn't even say she was actually racist. It's just how things were back then.

duchy

SG27 wrote: »

Have your parents always been like this? Have the got worse recently? I would have thought growing up with them you would have got used to it. In fact I think you have done very well not.to turn out like them!

My mum now in her 70s used to come our with some awful racist stuff when I was young. But gradually as times have changed so have attitudes and I'm sure she wouldn't dream of saying such things now. I wouldn't even say she was actually racist. It's just how things were back then.

I think we tend to notice more as we grow up - rather than they get worse.
My parents hated racism and as a mixed Jewish/Irish Catholic couple had both experienced some pretty vile intolerence themselves so made sure they raised us kids to be very clear bigotry of any type was unacceptable. My Dad's older siblings however were very intolerant and lived in a very mixed area of London. Both my brother and I would tell them we weren't prepared to continue the conversation if they started - and when they complained to my Dad he said "Good - so long as they were polite in how they said it I'm fine with them doing that" so eventually they more or less stopped (they slipped up now and again but you really can't do much with sixty years of habit but the rants stopped.).

There's a well known singer who when asked which of her children she adopted - smiles and says firmly "I don't remember" The same works with " Were they black?" with the reply "I don't know- I didn't notice".

GeeBee38

SG27 wrote: »

Have your parents always been like this? Have the got worse recently? I would have thought growing up with them you would have got used to it. In fact I think you have done very well not.to turn out like them!

My mum now in her 70s used to come our with some awful racist stuff when I was young. But gradually as times have changed so have attitudes and I'm sure she wouldn't dream of saying such things now. I wouldn't even say she was actually racist. It's just how things were back then.

Yes, always, I can't really remember what they said to me, but i always knew, never to be friends with a black or Asian person and to never bring them home.

But i always went against this, and had both as friends at primary school, but i didn't bring them home or mention them.

I think it was at high school age i started to notice more, comments they made and when someone of that appearance came on the television, a news reader, for example, they would say

"Oh, look at her, she's revolting"

And i would think to myself, why? she looks fine to me, she's not revolting, it would then click, this was only said when the person was, black or asian.

I moved out at 16 and lived away for many years, but recently moved back, (temporary) although i did see them and visit, comments would always be made, but i don't think i noticed how bad they are until now, and yes they have got worse now they are pensioners.

I mean, how can you call a persons appearance revolting just because of skin colour, there are lots of really beautiful black and asian men and women everywhere

I have seen lots of asian ladies and they are absolutely stunning with their big brown eyes and glossy thick black hair.

I just can't understand them at all, to me, no one is ugly in appearance, people may look different, this may be due to a scar from an accident or burns, it could be a disability or deformity they were born with.

I only find a person ugly if they have done something terrible or evil, this then shows, on the outside too, not sure if i have explained that well, but i think you know what i mean.

I have no idea why i haven't got the same views as them with race, but i have always gone against this, and i have had some huge rows with them over the years.

The things they say make me feel sick and angry and it always will.

GeeBee38

duchy wrote: »

There's a well known singer who when asked which of her children she adopted - smiles and says firmly "I don't remember" The same works with " Were they black?" with the reply "I don't know- I didn't notice".

This is great, I will be using this with them in future

GeeBee38

I also remember showing them a video, about a school boy that had a terrible stammer, and the teacher really worked hard with him, with the use of earphones he managed to read out loud in front of the whole school

I thought it was amazing, and i remember watching it, crying my eyes out.

I showed them it, on my laptop, and said, you need to see this, it's wonderful

They started watching, then i noticed my dad look away, and turn up the sound on the tv, my mum said, we are not interested.

I got really angry, and said "you two, really are disgusting!"

I walked out of the room and it was never mentioned again.

catkins

I feel sorry for you having to live with them and put up with their awful remarks.


OH's parents were racist (well his mum still is, his dad is dead). I remember when Stephen Lawrence was killed (they lived in the area) they said "Good, one less". That's the sort of remark they always came out with.

GeeBee38

catkins wrote: »

I feel sorry for you having to live with them and put up with their awful remarks.


OH's parents were racist (well his mum still is, his dad is dead). I remember when Stephen Lawrence was killed (they lived in the area) they said "Good, one less". That's the sort of remark they always came out with.

Yes, that sort of thing, totally disgusting, Stephen Lawrence was someones son, brother, but to racists it does not matter

FredG

I think it's a testament to the OP that they have such humanity and dignity despite the environment they were brought up in.

GeeBee38

FredG wrote: »

I think it's a testament to the OP that they have such humanity and dignity despite the environment they were brought up in.

Thank you FredG, That's a very nice thing to say

duchy

Sounds like you have a great incentive to save hard and move out again ....... In your shoes I'd probably be looking at a flatshare.

A friend of mine rents out her spare room to a divorced chap - He works long hours - but they get on very well, respecting each other's space and sometimes cook for each other. Not all flat shares are one step up from student houses