How to deal with racist family members

Annisele

I suspect your parents are upset because they've tried their absolute best to bring you up properly, but you're stubbornly refusing to see that they're right. (And for that, well done).

Their racist outbursts might be them trying to take a final opportunity to teach you before you move out. I think all you can do is either ignore the racism, or just say something like "You know I don't agree with you about that". Once you've moved out and are financially independent, it'll be much easier to stand up to them about it.

I know this isn't quite your situation, but I think Dan Savage has some great advice for gay teenagers with homophobic parents. I think a lot of it applies generally to people whose parents are throwing tantrums about the way their children have turned out.

GeeBee38

I moved out at 16, years ago, and this was partly the reason, i just couldn't stand it any longer.

I am only meant to be here for a short time, but it's taking a little longer, till i get myself back on my feet. Which i will.

I will never change my opinion, ever, no matter what they say and do.

I have also noticed they have started saying little things to my 7 year old nephew, I always butt in and take him out of the room, but i can't be there all the time.

I have mentioned this to my brother and have asked him to keep his eye on it.

I do not want my nephew brainwashed by racists.

C_Mababejive

People get set in their ways and its often hard to change. There might be things that annoy them just as much about you the OP, or indeed others. The great thing about a free and open society is that we can all hold whatever views we like. It isnt a criminal offence to hold racist views nor is it a crime to express them as long as you do not incite hatred or cause distress/alarm.

I could say that lots of black youths in London are involved in street crime. Someone might say im racist. I might say thats your view, i dont care and even if i were racist,well so what,,thats my choice. I might also even be right !

Even so, we mustnt ever seek to suppress peoples right to free speech.

pigpen

My sister had to intervene on a public bus only last week .. some cretin on a racist rant.. he was white.. nasty drunken white guy picking on a little 13/14 year old Asian girl... he did refrain from verbally abusing the grown men who were also on the bus and none were white.. Unfortunately for him, my sister is a barrister.. lol..

It isn't just the older generation.. this is what the media is saying we must all be like.. according to the media we must hate/persecute all those who are not white or are Muslim.. it is time people learned to respect life and human beings and just accept we are all just the same.. good and bad in all walks of life..

tbh.. I'd tell them every time the perpetrator and/or victim were human beings and it makes no difference if they are black, white, pink, purple, or green... death treats all religions and races equally and so should we!

My friend brought her mixed race partner to my house while my nanna was there one time and she made awful comments about him.. I had strips off her.. it might have been acceptable 70 years ago but it isn't now!

GeeBee38

C_Mababejive wrote: »

People get set in their ways and its often hard to change. There might be things that annoy them just as much about you the OP, or indeed others. The great thing about a free and open society is that we can all hold whatever views we like. It isnt a criminal offence to hold racist views nor is it a crime to express them as long as you do not incite hatred or cause distress/alarm.

I could say that lots of black youths in London are involved in street crime. Someone might say im racist. I might say thats your view, i dont care and even if i were racist,well so what,,thats my choice. I might also even be right !

Even so, we mustnt ever seek to suppress peoples right to free speech.

I agree with some of your views, and everyone has the right to say and feel what they want, that's fine.

But my parents are against black and asian people full stop, and it's this that annoys me the most, it's only skin colour at the end of the day.

A lot of white people call black or darker skinned people, yet they spend thousands of pounds a year on holidays to sunbathe on a beach to tan their skin to look darker?

You feel that lots of black youths in London are involved in street crime, I feel that a lot of white youths are involved in street crime, where i live. I only see groups of white youths hanging around the streets here, i don't see many black youths, the crime here is mostly by the white youths

So that must be different in different areas.

[Deleted User]

pigpen wrote: »

It isn't just the older generation.. this is what the media is saying we must all be like.. according to the media we must hate/persecute all those who are not white or are Muslim.. it is time people learned to respect life and human beings and just accept we are all just the same.. good and bad in all walks of life..

By 'the media' do you mean the Daily Mail and the Britain First facebook pages?

I thought our media is general very liberal and pro-integration

My mum makes stupid racist remarks occasionally. I just argue with her until she looks silly. That or ignore her.

You can't change people, but you can move out and live an independent life free of their influence

GeeBee38

pigpen wrote: »

it might have been acceptable 70 years ago but it isn't now!

I totally agree, and well done to her for sticking up for the young girl.

DKLS

Thankfully my family aren't racist and any minor transgressions are usually pointed out and remedied by by suggesting that they stop reading the daily mail, although my mother does still have the ability to show me up, on a recent supermarket trip she pointed at a bloke in a tracksuit and asked me loudly if he was a chav.

FredG

C_Mababejive wrote: »

People get set in their ways and its often hard to change. There might be things that annoy them just as much about you the OP, or indeed others. The great thing about a free and open society is that we can all hold whatever views we like. It isnt a criminal offence to hold racist views nor is it a crime to express them as long as you do not incite hatred or cause distress/alarm.

I could say that lots of black youths in London are involved in street crime. Someone might say im racist. I might say thats your view, i dont care and even if i were racist,well so what,,thats my choice. I might also even be right !

Even so, we mustnt ever seek to suppress peoples right to free speech.

Saying 'a lot of black youths in London are responsible for street crime' in itself doesn't automatically equate to a racist statement, the motivation behind it however could be more sinister.


Do you believe these kids commit crime because they are black, or do you believe their social education, upbringing, geographical concentrics and a myriad of other contributing factors are more prevalent. That's the difference.


If it's the latter then the colour of their skin is irrelevant, as it should be. So why mention it?


Complex issue that can be narrowed down to a simple factual statement. There is absolutely no correlation between the colour of someone's skin and their in-built social behaviours. Society's influence always takes precedence.

heuchera

My dad was a bit of an Alf Garnett, lol. My mum not so much, I think she just didn't want to rock the boat by challenging him. I use the 'LOL' because I think you can laugh at someone's low-level ignorance. The more upset you get about it, the more YOU will suffer, OP. The perpertators won't care.


Fwiw I couldn't bring my best friend (who happened to be black) from school home, not because my dad (and his mum my gran) would say something out loud in front of her, but I knew there'd be an atmosphere.


He did know I didn't share his views though. I remember him saying "heuchera don't like it when I laugh at them [Text removed by Forum Team]" :eek: (sorry to use that word, even with the --s but that's what he - and a lot of other people, truth be told - used to say back then.)

I think it's down to people's upbringing and environment, and also the times they live in. This was back in the 80s, when things and people were not anywhere near so PC as they are these days.