How to deal with racist family members

GeeBee38

heuchera wrote: »

I think it's down to people's upbringing and environment, and also the times they live in. This was back in the 80s, when things and people were not anywhere near so PC as they are these days.

Thanks, I do try to ignore it and have just spoken to my mum for the first time today since 8am this morning, I was telling her about some nice slippers i have seen in shoezone and it ended with her saying

"I have no sympathy for illegal immigrants at all, all they do is tell lies"

How this conversation went from nice slippers to sympathy for illegal immigrants is beyond me :eek:

I am sorry but i have to disagree with it's down to people's upbringing and environment, look at mine, and i am the total opposite

heuchera

GeeBee38 wrote: »

I am sorry but i have to disagree with it's down to people's upbringing and environment, look at mine, and i am the total opposite

The Germans have a phrase: the apple never falls far from the tree.

You and I might not be racists, but we have inherited a lot of our parents qualities, whether we like it or not

But the times we live in, the people we mix with, the place we're living in, all these things influence us.

fairy_lights

GeeBee38 wrote: »

Thanks, I do try to ignore it and have just spoken to my mum for the first time today since 8am this morning, I was telling her about some nice slippers i have seen in shoezone and it ended with her saying

"I have no sympathy for illegal immigrants at all, all they do is tell lies"

How this conversation went from nice slippers to sympathy for illegal immigrants is beyond me :eek:

Next time that happens, try to immediately steer the conversation back to the original topic - e.g. "I might wait until the sales to buy those slippers, do you think they'll come down in price?"

GeeBee38

fairy_lights wrote: »

Next time that happens, try to immediately steer the conversation back to the original topic - e.g. "I might wait until the sales to buy those slippers, do you think they'll come down in price?"

I tried that, I ended up just walking out of the room

I think i know why the conversation changed, is it because the slippers are black :eek:

GeeBee38

heuchera wrote: »

The Germans have a phrase: the apple never falls far from the tree.

You and I might not be racists, but we have inherited a lot of our parents qualities, whether we like it or not

But the times we live in, the people we mix with, the place we're living in, all these things influence us.

Yes, some qualities, thankfully not the racism

Mupette

My parents are just as bad, kinda old style but with person views of personal experience.

Alf Garnet kinda racist. But then i went against the grain and started going out eventually marrying and divorced a half-cast, i had all the usual, is the black bar steward there? blah blah blah which made me more determined in the relationship, although one thing they said oh black men beat their women, well my husband did beat me, hence the divorce, in fact he was a nasty piece of work.

and now our son is going out with a black girl who is amazing and brilliant, and my parents can't stand it. Son won't even have much contact with them, and the girlfriend is scared of them because she might upset them, that was the time i stepped up and had words, i'm always telling dad you can't say this, you can't say that.. I've had a good long chat with the girlfriend i don't want her to feel uncomfortable with them, neither do i want her to go the extra mile with them, she shouldn't have to,

Don't let one bad apple spoil the barrel.

GeeBee38

Mupette wrote: »

My parents are just as bad, kinda old style but with person views of personal experience.

Alf Garnet kinda racist. But then i went against the grain and started going out eventually marrying and divorced a half-cast, i had all the usual, is the black bar steward there? blah blah blah which made me more determined in the relationship, although one thing they said oh black men beat their women, well my husband did beat me, hence the divorce, in fact he was a nasty piece of work.

and now our son is going out with a black girl who is amazing and brilliant, and my parents can't stand it. Son won't even have much contact with them, and the girlfriend is scared of them because she might upset them, that was the time i stepped up and had words, i'm always telling dad you can't say this, you can't say that.. I've had a good long chat with the girlfriend i don't want her to feel uncomfortable with them, neither do i want her to go the extra mile with them, she shouldn't have to,

Don't let one bad apple spoil the barrel.

Thank you for sharing your story, sorry you had such a terrible time with your now ex husband, so glad you left.

You say your parents, are rude to your sons girlfriend because she is black, which is awful, how do your parents treat your son as he is mixed race too? I hope you don't mind me asking, I am just interested?

Cornucopia

GeeBee38 wrote: »

I have also noticed they have started saying little things to my 7 year old nephew, I always butt in and take him out of the room, but i can't be there all the time.

This would be my (only) concern with family racists - that they would try to indoctrinate children within the family.

Other than that, I am inclined to think that it is simply a difference of opinion between adults. They are not going to change your views, and it's unlikely you will change theirs.

I think if it were me, I would forget the moral rights and wrongs, and forget that racism is a taboo in our society. I think I would focus on the legal aspect - that it's all very well them making racist comments at home, but that you are concerned that they will make them in public and end up in trouble with the Police.

GeeBee38

Cornucopia wrote: »

This would be my (only) concern with family racists - that they would try to indoctrinate children within the family. Yes, this is a huge concern, i am working with my brother to try not to let this happen

I think if it were me, I would forget the moral rights and wrongs, and forget that racism is a taboo in our society. I think I would focus on the legal aspect - that it's all very well them making racist comments at home, but that you are concerned that they will make them in public and end up in trouble with the Police.

As far as i am aware, they don't do it in public, but i am not 100% sure

Domayne

My mum is racist as well but what makes it hilarious is that she is mostly racist against asian and is forever going on about pa*i this and pa*i that....conveniently forgetting that my dad is a pa*i, thus making me half...So she must hate me as well