How to deal with racist family members

meritaten

my late mum always denied being racist - despite coming out with some really awful statements. her reasoning? One of her best friends growing up was a [Text removed by Forum Team]! and couldn't understand why we all laughed and groaned!

GeeBee38

scott_lithgows wrote: »

One of my pals comes out with all that racist p*sh when he,s drunk.argueing is futile so we just change the subject however one famous night he said he was leaving to get a "Chinese".
After being told "how the f£&K are you gonna get one of those after you,ve sent them back" ww3 erupted.lol

So to OP,just make sure they eat only 100% British meals. ��

This is funny :rotfl:

meritaten

sorry - meant to go on to say that we mostly laughed at or ignored mums racist statements. Privately, we just thought it was basic ignorance! She didn't know any better than to use the terms prevalent when she was a child.

GeeBee38

meritaten wrote: »

sorry - meant to go on to say that we mostly laughed at or ignored mums racist statements. Privately, we just thought it was basic ignorance! She didn't know any better than to use the terms prevalent when she was a child.

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories, all your replies and advice, I feel much better about things than i did this morning.

I must try my best to ignore and not let it bother me

Please keep the stories coming, they make me feel better and that i am not alone suffering at the hands of racists.

pigpen

meritaten wrote: »

my late mum always denied being racist - despite coming out with some really awful statements. her reasoning? One of her best friends growing up was a [Text removed by Forum Team]'! and couldn't understand why we all laughed and groaned!

But that is how they were referred to in her day.. one of the nicer terms! My nanna had a dog who was black who had a rude name beginning 'N' people would be horrified now!.. the same grandmother who used the S word about my friends partner.

My other nanna pitched a blue fit when a Midwife was sent round while she had my youngest uncle (1961-ish) .. she refused to let her near her they did come out with some charmers! One of the best midwives I ever came across is black, My son has a male variant of her name as his middle name! She was lovely.. though I do vaguely recall saying in a drug induced haze that I'd never had a conversation with a black person before because there are so few living in my town.. but that is actually true. She did say she visited here once and people kept looking at her like she had 3 heads.. then a friend pointed out the actual reason.. and she realised in a crowded nightclub she was the only one she could see who was not white!


OP.. if it makes any difference I am having the same battle but about sexuality with parents/grandparents .. no doubt we will do something that will distress our offspring just as much!

pinpin

pigpen wrote: »

My nanna had a dog who was black who had a rude name beginning 'N' people would be horrified now!.

Wasn't the dog in 'Dam busters' in the 50's film called the N word?
Different times, I guess.
What was OK once, isn't OK anymore.
One side of my grand parents used to use all kinds of racist terms when I was a little boy!

I always think there should be ''public service announcements'' shown during the adverts on TV which give you a few words that aren't OK anymore, and their replacement.
Like, lots of old people still say 'coloured girl' and they think they're being polite and that using 'black girl' woould be offensive,. whereas for some reason it seems to have flipped the other way since their day.

pigpen

pinpin wrote: »

Wasn't the dog in 'Dam busters' in the 50's film called the N word?
Different times, I guess.
What was OK once, isn't OK anymore.
One side of my grand parents used to use all kinds of racist terms when I was a little boy!

I always think there should be ''public service announcements'' shown during the adverts on TV which give you a few words that aren't OK anymore, and their replacement.
Like, lots of old people still say 'coloured girl' and they think they're being polite and that using 'black girl' woould be offensive,. whereas for some reason it seems to have flipped the other way since their day.

I kind of like how things develop and evolve over time with language.. my dad uses 'coloured'.. I always asked what colour

prosaver

maybe your parents watched the tevor phillips program on channel 4.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/immigration/11479761/We-must-listen-to-Trevor-Phillips-and-his-inconvenient-truths-about-race.html

very interesting read

GeeBee38

pigpen wrote: »

OP.. if it makes any difference I am having the same battle but about sexuality with parents/grandparents .. no doubt we will do something that will distress our offspring just as much!

Oh don't even go there with sexuality, they hate them, they are very
homophobic, I hadn't mentioned it as this thread was about their racism.

My ex boyfriend at the time put on a surprise party for me for my birthday and he invited them, my parents, plus all my friends, which was a mix of female, male, white, Asian, black, gay, straight and lesbian, i even have a friend who is transvestite, you can imagine how that went

I was only young and got that drunk, i was oblivious to what was going on around me that night, so nothing bothered me, i just enjoyed myself

GeeBee38

prosaver wrote: »

maybe your parents watched the tevor phillips program on channel 4.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/immigration/11479761/We-must-listen-to-Trevor-Phillips-and-his-inconvenient-truths-about-race.html

very interesting read

No, but i will have a look, thanks for sharing