Is it normal to become bored and fed up with a relationship?

shiny76

Caleb11 wrote: »

I feel enormous pressure (from myself) to make it work regardless of my feelings so my son has his parents together.

Whilst understandable, it may be better for the 3 of you if you were apart. Rather than putting up with a relationship you aren't happy in - how can he be happy when you aren't?

Caleb11

Please delete

whitewing

I would definitely not buy a bigger house in your situation. Or, at least, move first and see how things go.

catkins

Caleb11 wrote: »

But I hate my situation. I feel trapped and like I need to stay as we are a family. But I don't feel in love with him. I'm not physically attracted to him anymore and I know that's shallow and I can actually get past that - but I don't feel an emotional connection to him either. And I just don't know what to do.

Do all relationships end up like this? I know they are hard work and take patience and compromise but I just feel, I don't know - deflated? That this is my life. I don't have any friends or family or life. I have him and my son and feel no connection with him.

No, not all relationships end up like that and after only 7 years you certainly should not be feeling that you hate the situation you are in. You also should not be feeling that you are no longer in love with him and don't find him physically attractive.


Of course marriages have their ups and downs - things happen like illness, money problems, death of a close relative etc and it can take work, patience and compromise but there should always be love and respect even if they get a bit pushed to one side.


I have been married over 30 years and, yes, there have been some rocky times (mainly due to money problems but also illhealth) and there have been a couple of times when it felt easier to just give up and walk away but we never have because we both knew that we loved each other.


I am still very much in love with my husband and I know he is with me. We also both find each other sexually attractive although health problems of mine affect our sex life.

paddy's_mum

I don't believe in abandoning a marriage willy-nilly either but the OP is showing every indication of fear - especially fear of a future in which she does not feel her views, needs, wishes and ambitions count.

That's one hell of a hill to attempt to climb.

skint_chick

Another vote for doing nothing - not buying a new home, not trying for another child etc - until you have moved home and settled in. You might find that the answer about your relationship becomes more obvious when you've had some time with friends and family and you are happier in yourself. It sounds as though he's being very thoughtless at the moment. What he said about your loss was not acceptable. Whatever his feelings he should acknowledge that you are upset and he shouldn't be making you feel worse. It sounds like you need to take some time to recover from your miscarriage, and spend some time with family and friends feeling less alone.


Your child will still have his family if you split, his parents just won't be together, but he will still have 2 loving parents and I'm sure if this happens you will do your best to ensure that the relationship with his father is affected as little as possible.

swingaloo

So he wont commit to you by marriage but he thinks you are stringing him along by not selling your house to buy a bigger one.

Spell it out to him about how you feel and put the onus on him to fight for the relationship. If you have so many misgiving then you need to listen to your heart.

Caleb11

Please delete

FBaby

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I don't believe in abandoning a marriage willy-nilly either but the OP is showing every indication of fear - especially fear of a future in which she does not feel her views, needs, wishes and ambitions count.

That's one hell of a hill to attempt to climb.

I don't agree at all. I think OP is actually quite in control of her life and what she wants to do. I expect the problem is that is so common. Two busy people, battling exhaustion and therefore not left with much energy to work on their relationship. It does sound like he is much more ambitious than you OP, and unfortunately, it might be that over time, you have grown apart focusing on what matter to you as individuals rather than you as a couple.

Ultimately, not long ago, you planned on having another baby with this man and therefore I assume work on your relationship. Yet it seems that it is now that you've lost the baby that you are reconsidering it all.

Only you will know whether you rather be on your own or trying again to save your relationship. All I will say is that being a single working parent is very hard work and can be very lonely, so if you take that road, you need to be absolutely persuaded that you couldn't rekindle the loving feeling you once had for your partner and couldn't fall in love again. It is surprising how quickly you can go from feeling nothing at all for a partner to falling madly in love again with them when the circumstances are right and most importantly, stresses of life are removed.

Caleb11

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