Is it normal to become bored and fed up with a relationship?

Caleb11

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Caleb11

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Bit of a leftfield response here, but have you considered that losing the baby hurt him as well and his response has been to withdraw?

He knows you're making a get-out plan, and probably feels like he has no way to stop it so figures "why bother".

Are you stringing him along - why haven't you made the break yet if that is what you know you want?

Look at you as a couple, at him and also at yourself.

I really feel for you both as I've been trapped in a relationship (albeit no children involved) and I hope you manage to sort things out one way or another.

Big hugs and good luck!

HBS x

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heartbreak_star wrote: »

Bit of a leftfield response here, but have you considered that losing the baby hurt him as well and his response has been to withdraw?

He knows you're making a get-out plan, and probably feels like he has no way to stop it so figures "why bother".

Are you stringing him along - why haven't you made the break yet if that is what you know you want?

Look at you as a couple, at him and also at yourself.

I really feel for you both as I've been trapped in a relationship (albeit no children involved) and I hope you manage to sort things out one way or another.

Big hugs and good luck!

HBS x

I don't think he was particularly upset about losing the baby and he admits this himself. When I would cry he would say things like "it wasn't even a baby" and that I was getting too upset. He didn't understand. And I had to wait about a week from finding out the baby didn't make it to actually lose it and it was terrifying as I was so scared about what was to come and he didn't understand why I was so upset.

And I genuinely believe a part of losing that baby was due to a massive arguement we had. He was so horrible and nasty during an argument and I got SO upset. Although I'll never have any proof I feel guilty that I got so upset and angry and I'll never know if it caused the miscarriage. Planning a baby and being pregnant should be a happy time but for us it wasn't. I couldn't believe how bad our arguement was and although its a "stressful" time I don't think it excuses the scale of the arguement we had. It shouldn't happen in a healthy loving relationship never mind when one person is carrying a baby.


Part of me felt relieved when I lost the baby although I was devastated but in a way as I knew I didn't need to stay with him anymore. If I was pregnant I would feel incrediblly vulnerable and more likely that I needed to work it out. And that's horrible and that's why I don't feel it's a good place to be. Plus a whole bunch of other things that make me question our relationship and my happiness.

Mojisola

Caleb11 wrote: »

Anyway the house I have at the moment is affordable if I were single. And the money in it is all mine (my partner could take the savings in bank account and we would be "even").

Caleb11 wrote: »

I work full time and so does he although he works much more than full time (he's on call a lot and works in IT so basically spends all night on the laptop.)

FBaby wrote: »

I think it is very common indeed and in your case, I think you are trapped in a relationship where he feels the pressure of having to support his family and you feel the pressure of doing everything to please others rather than focusing on yourself.

They both work full-time and they have enough cash set by to balance the value of the house she owns - he has no need to feel pressure.

Caleb11

Please delete

heartbreak_star

Caleb11 wrote: »

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I don't think he was particularly upset about losing the baby and he admits this himself. When I would cry he would say things like "it wasn't even a baby" and that I was getting too upset. He didn't understand. And I had to wait about a week from finding out the baby didn't make it to actually lose it and it was terrifying as I was so scared about what was to come and he didn't understand why I was so upset.

And I genuinely believe a part of losing that baby was due to a massive arguement we had. He was so horrible and nasty during an argument and I got SO upset. Although I'll never have any proof I feel guilty that I got so upset and angry and I'll never know if it caused the miscarriage. Planning a baby and being pregnant should be a happy time but for us it wasn't. I couldn't believe how bad our arguement was and although its a "stressful" time I don't think it excuses the scale of the arguement we had. It shouldn't happen in a healthy loving relationship never mind when one person is carrying a baby.


Part of me felt relieved when I lost the baby although I was devastated but in a way as I knew I didn't need to stay with him anymore. If I was pregnant I would feel incrediblly vulnerable and more likely that I needed to work it out. And that's horrible and that's why I don't feel it's a good place to be. Plus a whole bunch of other things that make me question our relationship and my happiness.

I'm sorry you had to go through that it's a big mess of feelings right there. Logically, if it was early, I agree with him - but he should NOT have said that and belittled your feelings.

I would say STOP blaming him and the argument for it though. That's really not fair. Arguments are arguments, and don't generally cause miscarriages.

Why were you planning a baby if the relationship was so bad, though?

I am glad you are starting to do something and make some steps towards the future. Best of luck.

HBS x

paddy's_mum

You are keeping your emotional running shoes in good order and in the back of your mind planning an escape route.

Those aspects, above all else, should make clear what your gut instinct is telling you.

Listen to it.

Good luck.

Mojisola

At the moment, you are isolated from all your family and friends and under a lot of pressure at home.

If you moved back to your house (with or without your OH) and got your son settled in school, rekindled friendships and had regular meet-ups with your family, you should feel stronger and more able to stand your ground in your relationship. If your OH still won't respect your views and ideas, there's really only one way this will go.

jaylee3

Sounds like you're definitely not compatible Caleb. Maybe you were at one time, but obviously you're not now. So many couples have stuff in common when they are really young, and then by their mid 20s, one of them (usually the woman) grows up, while the man takes about another 10 years to catch up. And it's about that time that couples start to struggle, because they have different ideas and goals and wants and needs.

Sounds like what's happening with you and your man. You have very little in common now, and are not on the same book, let alone the same page. There are so many alarm bells ringing here. You will never be happy with him, from all you've said. I would bail now, before you get to 50-55, and look back on your life, full of regret, because you've wasted it with a man you are not in love with.

You say you have been together 7 years, and yet you're only 24. So you settled down VERY young. To have a home and a kiddie and have been together 7 years, and still only be 24 is actually quite shocking. (To me anyway.)

No wonder you are both struggling; you got together and started getting very serious, and had a child together before you had both grown up. No offence intended; that is just my stance on things. I met my DH at 18 and we didn't even get married til we were 25! Sounds like you rushed things.

Get out now if you can. For your own sanity and peace of mind, for your child's sake, and for your man's sake. None of this is fair on anyone.

Caleb11

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shiny76

Caleb11 wrote: »

The problem is that I have a house in our old location. It's up for sale and I was going to buy another house (all in my name as he has a bad credit history from when his parents died - not all his fault his dad was an alcoholic and used his credit card to fund his habit).

Anyway the house I have at the moment is affordable if I were single.

Then you may find it difficult to obtain a mortgage for a 'bigger & better' house in a nicer area - have you consulted a broker/lender? I'd definitely withdraw your house from sale for the time being.