similar background = better compatability?

Person_one

LilElvis wrote: »

Perhaps it is if you have a Mickey Mouse degree

Snobbery about what you may consider 'Mickey Mouse' degrees isn't really any better than snobbery about no degree.

VfM4meplse

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I think we all have certain things which would be important in a future life-partner. To me the most important things are sharing the same outlook on life, sharing the same faith and enjoying speniing lots of time at home.

I find this to be bigoted, tbh. Does it really matter what faith the person is, as long as they are a believer (or non-believer, whatever the preference is)? I can understand a non-believer might not be ideal for a believer and vice versa, but surely the choice of religion practiced is just a nuance; people of different faiths have a lot more in common then they may think.

Torry_Quine

VfM4meplse wrote: »

I find this to be bigoted, tbh. Does it really matter what faith the person is, as long as they are a believer (or non-believer, whatever the preference is)? I can understand a non-believer might not be ideal for a believer and vice versa, but surely the choice of religion practiced is just a nuance; people of different faiths have a lot more in common then they may think.

I said this as it was important to me. I couldn't have considered marrying someone of a different faith anymore than someone who had no faith. It's not just a nuance but the very basis of who I am. Yes there are things I have in common with people of other faiths but they do not share the essence. In fact Christians are taught not to marry people from other faiths or non.

I have answered this as I wanted to show my reasoning but please don't let this thread veer into yet another attack on faith

AubreyMac

Requirements such as being "well travelled" or "well cultured" has varying degrees.

Just because someone has black/coloured friends doesn't mean they are not racist or that they don't have prejudices against other ethnicities. Someone could live their whole life in a diverse area yet never mingle with anyone else outside their own culture.

I have relatives who've been in the uk for over 30 years yet don't speak English or try to mix with anyone besides their own culture and caste.

Although I have holidayed a lot when younger to almost all continents, I have admittedly only ever stayed in decent hotels and done the typical sight seeing. I do not like to 'rough it' when going abroad so would never stay in a hostel or go back packing.

ravilious_fan

I think you have to be broadly similar, intellectually and emotionally, and obviously if faith and religion come into it it is easier if the two of you share the same one.

But university attendance is not necessarily an accurate measurer of any of the above.

fierystormcloud

Pixie5740 wrote: »

Just because someone has been to university that doesn't mean to say they are intellectually superior. Some of the brightest people I know didn't got to university because when they left school they had to go out to work or decided to set up their own businesses. Likewise some of the dumbest people I know have degrees.

:T

Pollycat wrote: »

I find their attitude pretty arrogant - not to mention flawed.

I've worked with people who've been to university and tbh, some of them were pretty dumb.

Not going to university didn't do me any harm and it's not harmed my relationship with my OH who did go to university.

:T

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

OP, your friends, for apparently 'intelligent' people, they really have a very blinkered view

:T

I think it is a massively blinkered view to say that you would never want a relationship with someone unless they have been to university. As someone said earlier in the thread; maybe it's someone younger who said this, as in the younger generation, the world and his wife gets to go to university! I know about a dozen people who have been, and some are as dumb as a pox of pasties.

My eldest niece left a few years ago, and she said that although she got excellent grades in her GCSE's and 2 A's a a B in her A level, she was in some of her classes at university with some of the thickest people she had ever met. Mainly because once the university had picked the cream of the applicants, they gave the remaining places to the people who got E's and F's in their A levels.

So for someone who has got a degree, to assume they are better or cleverer than someone who hasn't, is just laughable.

On the other hand, I can imagine many people not wanting to be with someone who they class as beneath them, class-wise; the same with friends.

I know someone who went bankrupt 5 years ago. Her and her husband were on quite a lot of money, (about £80K between them.) They had a lovely house, and a nice car, and fancy holidays, and a caravan, and a boat, But she became ill, and the business they worked for went belly-up and they went bankrupt.

They now live in a private let home, in a little 2 bed cottage, in a little village, 3 miles from the nearest main road. They went onto the housing list, but hardly ever find anything to bid on, because they don't want to live in 'council areas,' full of single mums and chavs;' (their words.)

So even though they are basically penniless, and rent privately, and have no assets and a very low income, they still class themselves as too good to mix with people on council estates who spend their life on benefits.

Another young woman I know grew up in a manky area of the west midlands, but went to university in London, and left 6-7 years ago.) She met all kinds of middle and upper class people there, and she now lives there. Her midlands accent has gone, she rarely sees her old friends, she works for a big company, (earning close to six figures,) and she does backpacking and travelling and lots of 'yuppie' stuff. Hell will freeze over before she comes back and mixes with her old classmates who are mostly on their 2nd or 3rd baby now and living in a council flat.

So I think some people do have a tendency to become very snobby.

VfM4meplse

Torry_Quine wrote: »

In fact Christians are taught not to marry people from other faiths or non.

I have answered this as I wanted to show my reasoning but please don't let this thread veer into yet another attack on faith

its not, far from it! I'm a person of faith myself and know I wouldn't get on with an active naysayer; it's just don't think that any one faith can claim superiority, that's all. Didn't Jesus encourage Jews to mix with the Gentiles after all?

Heading off to Evensong now, laters

fierystormcloud

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I said this as it was important to me. I couldn't have considered marrying someone of a different faith anymore than someone who had no faith. It's not just a nuance but the very basis of who I am. Yes there are things I have in common with people of other faiths but they do not share the essence. In fact Christians are taught not to marry people from other faiths or non.

I have answered this as I wanted to show my reasoning but please don't let this thread veer into yet another attack on faith

I have to say I know a number of people (about 10-12 actually,) who are Christians and regular Churchgoers, and they have atheist spouses. (Or a spouse who is not atheist but isn't too bothered about going to Church.)

I know very few couples who are both strong and passionate believers.

Couples who both believe and both attend Church regularly are the exception, rather than the rule. My neighbour (55) goes to Church 2-3 times a month, and gets quite involved in Church activities, but her husband is 100% atheist. They have been married 33 years. He respects her views and she respects his.

I think being brought up to only marry someone else in the faith would be more likely to happen in a very very strict religious family and background, or a faith that is borderline cult. I have a number of Christian friends who go to Church regularly, and they most certainly were not told they must marry someone in that faith. As long as your partner respects your faith and does not mock and berate you and your faith, then there is no solid reason for them to be an avid Churchgoer too - or even to believe.

fierystormcloud

Person_one wrote: »

Snobbery about what you may consider 'Mickey Mouse' degrees isn't really any better than snobbery about no degree.

^^^ THIS 100,000,000 x

Well said!

I am sick to the back teeth of the snobbery and mocking that goes along with degrees that 'some' people deem as unworthy.

I have found, more often than not, that this snooty attitude comes from people who do not have a degree.

Any degree is better than not having a degree. It shows that you value education, and you were willing to further your life/ career/ opportunities, and that you can apply yourself to higher education, and stick to timescales, and that you were happy and willing to throw yourself into university life; showing your willingness to try something new and be independent.

When people say 'mickey mouse degree,' it makes them sound very narrow minded, judgemental, and pious.

ravilious_fan

fierystormcloud wrote: »

^^^ THIS 100,000,000 x

Well said!

I am sick to the back teeth of the snobbery and mocking that goes along with degrees that 'some' people deem as unworthy.

I have found, more often than not, that this snooty attitude comes from people who do not have a degree.

Any degree is better than not having a degree. It shows that you value education, and you were willing to further your life/ career/ opportunities, and that you can apply yourself to higher education, and stick to timescales, and that you were happy and willing to throw yourself into university life; showing your willingness to try something new and be independent.

When people say 'mickey mouse degree,' it makes them sound very narrow minded, judgemental, and pious.

Not necessarily. It reflects the difference between those who "go to uni" (many of whom are not academically bright) and those who are academically gifted and who are better suited to that way of life. One is not better than the other, we all have different skills and strengths, but the expectation that 50% of school leavers should go on to university has unfortunately meant that degrees have had to change to adapt to the fact that not everyone is suited to intellectual pursuits.