similar background = better compatability?

catoutthebag

Do you find that seeking a partner of a similar educational and / or social background is better for a successful relationship? Do you find that you seek someone similar to you?

I was speaking to a couple friends who have been to uni (like me) and they said they could only be with a partner who's been to uni. They argued that intellectually they would feel better suited or stimulated and most people have been to uni so it wasn't asking a lot and that you can tell the difference in someone who has or hasn't?

There was another friend I spoke to and he said he didn't care and that it was how 2 people connected.

What are your experiences?

Tigsteroonie

Hmm ... define a successful relationship!

First long-term partner was very different to me, different background, different educational level. Lasted four years. Second long-term partner was very similar to me, similar background, similar tastes, similar educational level. Lasted ten years.

Marley ... in some ways we are very similar and in other ways very different. It certainly keeps us on our toes, and makes life interesting Seven years and still going strong.

Pixie5740

Just because someone has been to university that does't mean to say they are intellectually superior. Some of the brightest people I know didn't got to university because when they left school they had to go out to work or decided to set up their own businesses. Likewise some of the dumbest people I know have degrees.

catoutthebag

I see you point pixie. And do you have the same view as to upbringing / background / experiences?

SailorSam

Do you think all of us here on Mse should look for a partner who is also on here. Don't they say one of the major causes of arguements among couples is about money. So will someone who likes to find a bargain ever be comfortable with a spendaholic.

Pollycat

catoutthebag wrote: »

I was speaking to a couple friends who have been to uni (like me) and they said they could only be with a partner who's been to uni. They argued that intellectually they would feel better suited or stimulated and most people have been to uni so it wasn't asking a lot and that you can tell the difference in someone who has or hasn't?

I find their attitude pretty arrogant - not to mention flawed.

I've worked with people who've been to university and tbh, some of them were pretty dumb.

'Most people have been to uni'?
Really?

Maybe 'most' people in their circle...........

I didn't go to university but I did get some decent 'O' levels which got me a good job in a large company which - even 45 years ago - had an equal opportunity policy for both sexes.
And I got promoted a number of times over my career.

Not going to university didn't do me any harm and it's not harmed my relationship with my OH who did go to university.

LilElvis

I'm a graduate from the eighties, when university education was offered to a far smaller percentage of 18 year olds. My husband left school with 3 O levels and multiple expulsions from school. Fast forward a couple of decades and I gave up my career to be a stay at home Mum whose time is taken up practicing spelling, making interesting things out of pom poms and loo rolls and wrapping a couple of hundred bits of plastic tat for the school Christmas Fayre. Meanwhile my husband got his act together, worked his way up from manual labourer to being a senior manager whose expertise is recognised by being asked to advise on his industry at House of Commons, House of Lords and HMRC committees.

Our family backgrounds are very similar though. Both sets of parents came from families who lived by manual labour and little education. Three went to grammar school and further education. Three also worked abroad (MIL comes from overseas and met FIL when he was working in her country) and both my husband and I also worked abroad, though before we met. Both sets of parents have had lengthy marriages - my parents for 50+ and my in laws only ended due to FILs death. Both families lived frugally, saved assiduously and worked hard to buy homes and provide for their children and their retirement. As a consequence my husband and I had a very similar upbringing with an emphasis on the importance of family, working hard and financial prudence.

In a nutshell, our similar backgrounds have far more to do with our compatibility than our education.

LilElvis

Pollycat wrote: »

I find their attitude pretty arrogant - not to mention flawed.

I've worked with people who've been to university and tbh, some of them were pretty dumb.

'Most people have been to uni'?
Really?

Maybe 'most' people in their circle...........

I didn't go to university but I did get some decent 'O' levels which got me a good job in a large company which - even 45 years ago - had an equal opportunity policy for both sexes.
And I got promoted a number of times over my career.

Not going to university didn't do me any harm and it's not harmed my relationship with my OH who did go to university.

To be fair, I think the OP comes from the more recent generation where 50% have been encouraged to attend university, even if the courses are of the Mickey Mouse variety with zero use in the workplace.

My last full time employer (FTSE 100 multinational) wouldn't accept anyone for a job without a degree - from receptionist positions up. Jobs that used to go to 16 year old school leavers with a handful of CSE s.

balletshoes

catoutthebag wrote: »

I see you point pixie. And do you have the same view as to upbringing / background / experiences?

My daughter and I were talking about this recently - she says she has a better affinity with people like her, who have ambitions and dreams and intend pursuing at least some of them. She, at the moment, thinks she wouldn't want a serious relationship with someone who was aimless and didn't really know what they wanted to do with their life.

My adult life has been the epitome of aimless , I didn't know what I wanted to do when I left school so I ended up in the first full time job I was offered - still there, 30plus years later. I always wanted to travel and I have pursued those dreams, but "seeking out" someone with a similar background/educational/intellectual level to me for a relationship never occurred to me, and in most respects, my husband and I are on completely different levels. And yet, it works.

Pollycat

LilElvis wrote: »

To be fair, I think the OP comes from the more recent generation where 50% have been encouraged to attend university, even if the courses are of the Mickey Mouse variety with zero use in the workplace.

My last full time employer (FTSE 100 multinational) wouldn't accept anyone for a job without a degree - from receptionist positions up. Jobs that used to go to 16 year old school leavers with a handful of CSE s.

So is half classed as 'most'? :rotfl:

I'm not sure why somebody who has a Mickey Mouse degree (I was going to make that point but refer to them as 'soft' degrees ) would be more compatible with somebody who got a first at Oxford than somebody who left school at 16 and got a decent job would be.

torbrex

That's where I have been going wrong :eek:
All this time I should have been looking for a female Toolmaker that barely scraped through school but is good at making things out of metal :rotfl: