Money Moral Dilemma: Should I buy a cheaper engagement ring?

moneyistooshorttomention

Mojisola wrote: »

My Grandfather couldn't afford an expensive wedding ring when they got married but their finances improved with time so he bought a much better quality one for my Gran and gave it to her on their eldest daughter's wedding day.

That is actually quite a romantic tale - as in the "translation" of that is "All these years later - and I'd marry you again if I had my time again". Aw!:)

TBagpuss

I think buying it and not telling her is a very bad plan. It sounds as though you've already had some discusssions and had a certian figure in mind - lying by omission and going back on the joint understanding you had strikes me as a very bad way to start a marriage.

Buying a more expensive one is also not ideal - if you are spending more than you feel is appropriate, or spending money you can't afford, because you can't, or are not comfortable, discussing money with her, then again, that does not bode well for your future together.

I'd suggest that you sit down with her and discuss it again. Be clear about whay you are proposing to spend less - i.e. is it down to what you can afford, what you feel is reasonable, or is it that you don't want to be ripped off and feel that the less expensive ring is just as good (e.g. if you are not paying a premium for a specific brand)

Remember that you and your fiancee may have diferent attitudes towards maoney and owards this specific purchase
- e.g.
- she may have very similar values and attitudes to money generally but be more discerning / knowledgable about jewelry and feel that the cheaper option isn't the same quality / style.
- she may have slightly different attitudes and see the cost as having a direct correlation with the value you place on the relationship
- she may agree that the alternative ring is just as good wulity but simply prefers the original pick, and may be happier contributing to the cost than living with a ring she doesn't like

There may be deeer divides between you in your approach to money and if that is the case, it would be wise to explore those and make sure that you are on the same page when it comes to the finacial side of being married, however unromantic that may appear at first glance, as diferences over money, and differnt financial atitudes and assumptions are the source of, or a major contributory factor in, an awful lot of divorces and relationship breakdowns

Frandon

Has she saw the ring of her dreams which costs x £'S and you have saw a similar one for less which looks the same so she might be happy to accept your cheaper version or has she said my ring must cost X£'s if so you have to tell her you either can't afford it or can't justify spending that amount on a ring.

Which ever it is I am sure if you are meant to be together an engagement ring won't split you up but it may set a precedence for future purchases.

Petra_70

kim_ta22 wrote: »

Where I come from, there's an expectation of at least 2-3 times a month's salary if one can afford it (of course where I come from, jewellry is available at better value for money).

Some parents/family members look at the quality of the ring, as one of the factors for how good a "candidate" is for their daughter/niece etc. Think of it as, "This man can afford and is willing to spend money on a good engagement ring for my precious daughter, therefore I feel that I can trust him to have enough money to support her and their future children, and that he is committed to her". If someone proposes with a ring that costs less than the average smart phone, it could be seen as being a lesser commitment and perhaps reflect poorly on a person's ability/willingness to "spoil" their precious daughter. Obviously, the above example is not necessarily true for everyone, but definitely for some.

From a female's perspective, it feels great to know that one is worth the best diamonds her other half can reasonably afford. I would be upset if my other half is willing to spend more money on a new iphone 6 which will become obsolete in under 3 years, than on a ring to last a lifetime.

I should be interested to know 'where you come from,' I mean what century?

Nobody goes by this rule of thumb any longer. I mean, some people would be spending 6 to 8 grand on a RING! I would be mortified if any man spent that much money on a piece of jewellry for me.

If I was a man, I would rapidly bin any woman who expected me to spend 3 months salary on her engagement ring.

Then again, I think most men would have already have figured out if a woman was a manipulative money grabbing, materialistic gold-digger before he asked her to marry him!

If I was the mother of a son who had a girl whose parents didn't want him to be with her unless he spent 3 months salary on their precious little poppet, and he isn't good enough' if he doesn't; I would encourage him with every last fibre of my being to dump this girl. Who would want to be in a family like THAT?! What a bizarre and dreadful attitude!

I actually know someone who took out a THREE YEAR LOAN to buy his g/f an engagement ring, and she dumped him 6 weeks into their engagement. He still has 24 payments of £125 to make.

More fool him. No sympathy from me whatsoever.

chocolatelover93

I don't get why some girls want something really expensive and moan if they don't get it and say that their boyfriend doesn't love them enough if they don't buy them an expensive ring!!

Just think if your girlfriend moans that the ring isn't "enough" is that someone you really want to spend the rest of your life with?

When my husband proposed to me I was in shock and over the moon I didn't care how much my ring cost. It was beautiful and the fact he had chosen it (with a little help from my mum) was all that mattered. I get so many compliments on it and recently found out how much it actually cost him. It was really cheap and I don't care because at the end of the day it's our love that matters not something that sits on my finger!!

Buy the cheaper ring!! No need to spend loads!! And good luck!!

menshevik

When we were ring-hunting, my fianc!e felt that what the high street jewellers had on offer had more to do with the setting than the diamond. It cleverly made a bright shiny ring out of a small stone but that wasn't quite what she wanted. In contrast, the second-hand shops (Edinburgh) had a whole lot more diamond for the same money. So we bought a simple second-hand ring with a nice stone and had it re-made into what was wanted; in effect I spent two month's net salary but spread over a six month period. She wore that ring every day until, years later, after family had left the nest, we splashed out one Valentines day and bought a replacement engagement ring, with a really big rock. Rings are a bit like people - Quality better than Bling.

mr-mixalot

Ditch The B**ch

She sounds like a right money grabber. not a money saver

Barryfan

Why on earth should the ring have to cost a certain amount? I assume you are in love and plan to marry - would it not be more sensible to have a cheaper ring and use any money saved towards the wedding or a deposit on somewhere to live? I despair of people sometimes!!

Primrose

Barryfsn. I think some of us come from a post war austerity generation where you only bought things you could afford. That concept seems to have flown out of the window for many people in these days of conspicuous consumption. I have seen young people spend more on a wedding lasting only a few hours than equalled the sum required for a deposit on a house Often it's more a case of being "in love with love" than in love with reality .

Dadad

I was such a poor student at the time that we couldn't afford an engagement ring at all, so just went ahead and got married. And she had to buy the £20 wedding ring. We still laugh about it 48 years later !