Money Moral Dilemma: Should I buy a cheaper engagement ring?

Eleanory

My husband asked me to marry him before buying a ring. We bought it together and I paid half the price. It cost us almost one week's wages each. I certainly didn't specify an amount and, before I said 'Yes' to his proposal, I made sure he was going to marry me within a year of our engagement. Some couples get engaged to avoid getting married.

kim_ta22

Where I come from, there's an expectation of at least 2-3 times a month's salary if one can afford it (of course where I come from, jewellry is available at better value for money). Some parents/family members look at the quality of the ring, as one of the factors for how good a "candidate" is for their daugther/niece etc. Think of it as, "This man can afford and is willing to spend money on a good engagement ring for my precious daughter, therefore I feel that I can trust him to have enough money to support her and their future children, and that he is committed to her". If someone proposes with a ring that costs less than the average smart phone, it could be seen as being a lesser commitment and perhaps reflect poorly on a person's ability/willingness to "spoil" their precious daughter. Obviously, the above example is not necessarily true for everyone, but definitely for some.

From a female's perspective, it feels great to know that one is worth the best diamonds her other half can reasonably afford. I would be upset if my other half is willing to spend more money on a new iphone 6 which will become obsolete in under 3 years, than on a ring to last a lifetime.

Back to the original dillemma. When you say "Nicer", do you mean visually only, or visually and quality? If I were her, I would be happy for a higher quality ring instead of a more expensive but of lesser quality. I would not be happy with a second hand ring unless it is absolutely necessary (ie genuinely cannot afford it). Most women will wear their engagement ring every day, day in day out, for the rest of their life. It needs to be good quality to survive and still shine. A symbol of your love, perhaps?:p

Goldiegirl

tgroom57 wrote: »

Also, depends where you found it !

.

Blimey, it might have 'fallen off the back of a lorry'

Eleanory

Where do you come from so I can advise my son not to go out with any women from there? 2-3 months' salary? I went berserk with my husband when he bought me a dozen red roses the Valentine's Day of the year we got married because I knew he'd phoned Interflora from work, having forgotten to buy me anything beforehand, and thought that's what he was expected to do. He was also able to show off to his colleagues how flash he was with his credit card. I told him not ever to do that again. He occasionally buys me flowers from the supermarket and I'm happy with that. We celebrate 30 years of marriage next year and are happily debt free.

moneyistooshorttomention

One other thought on this - being that just because a woman wants a reasonable ring (ie not Argos) doesn't necessarily mean she would also want an expensive wedding.

Personally - I'd always rather had it in mind that, if I'd accepted any of the proposals I had, that I would be quite happy with a special dress that I could wear again afterwards for "luxury" occasions (say £200-£400 mark) and for the reception to be a ceilidh in a church hall with a help-yourself buffet and home-done decorations. I wouldn't have got away with that level if I'd married the First Possible (it would have been Big Big Big and as bling as they come and then some - as he came from a culture/background where that would have been expected). But my own tastes are for much simpler weddings/receptions.

So - yep a 3 months salary ring doesn't mean "Wow - has she got expensive tastes and will expect everything else to be".

Its back to that ring will be worn everyday for the rest of her life - and most people would expect to get better-paid etc as they get older and yet the same ring to be worn as in their younger/poorer days.

GlasweJen

I should say my engagement ring is made of stones from his grandmothers engagement ring that have been re-set in white gold as I don't like yellow gold and the original ring would not have fitted me. I love it, if he had chosen something from a diamond shop or Argos I would love that ring too - it's his proposal that counts, not the price of a ring.

Mojisola

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Its back to that ring will be worn everyday for the rest of her life - and most people would expect to get better-paid etc as they get older and yet the same ring to be worn as in their younger/poorer days.

My Grandfather couldn't afford an expensive wedding ring when they got married but their finances improved with time so he bought a much better quality one for my Gran and gave it to her on their eldest daughter's wedding day.

My Mum said she knew several friends who were married using brass curtain rings - this was just after the war and money was very tight.

benjus

kim_ta22 wrote: »

Where I come from, there's an expectation of at least 2-3 times a month's salary if one can afford it (of course where I come from, jewellry is available at better value for money).

Interesting - AFAIK the "tradition" of spending x months' salary on an engagement ring was invented in the early/mid 20th century by De Beers because diamond sales were falling. It was remarkably successful. Does the expectation in your country originate from this as well, or is there something more "meaningful" behind it?

Personally I try to avoid being manipulated by marketers as much as possible, so do what feels right to me. I certainly wouldn't have been impressed if my wife had told me how much she wanted me to spend on her engagement ring before I'd even asked her (we chose the ring together - she has quite individual taste and didn't want a typical solitaire ring).

paddyrg

Find a ring you like that you can afford
I'll knock together a webpage showing it costs your target figure
You pay me the higher figure, I'll buy and send you the cheaper ring
I'll refund you half the difference in cash, no questions ;-)

Primrose

My boyfriend was a penniless youth when he proposed so I paid for my ring myself. Almost fifty married years later it's now a standing joke that he still owes me for it!! In more prosperous time he offered to buy me a more expensive ring but I'm happy with the inexpensive one I chose. You soon learn that there are other far more important issues in life to worry about. Just ensure that she likes the ring she's going to be hopefully wearing for a long time!