Money Moral Dilemma: Should I buy a cheaper engagement ring?

Pollycat

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See what you've started now, MSE Nick. :cool:

Brenda_Costigan

My ring cost about £45.00 it has the smallest diamond about the size of a pinhead, I have had it for 40 years. I could have changed the diamond in it to a much larger one about 20 years ago, but I couldn't do it as it would not have been the ring he bought me. It should not be about the cost or the showing off to friends it should be the meaning behind it

Petra_70

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

You don't have to be shallow to have a look at someone's engagement ring. It is absolutely expected that women will show off two things in their lives - their engagement rings and any babies they have. Every woman shown these things (and, believe me, that means EVERY woman she comes in contact with) will be shown the ring or baby concerned and expected to admire it.

If the woman herself doesn't deliberately wave the ring around to show everyone - some other woman will spot it on her hand and proceed to announce the fact to every woman within earshot (so that congratulations can start).

There's no let-off having to be the one "doing the admiring" just because you personally aren't a shallow sort of person..:rotfl:

I would literally boot any "friend" to the kerb, and kick her out of my life permanently if I knew she was judging my engagement ring. To judge someone on the size of their diamond (or sapphire or ruby or whatever) and the price the ring may have cost is pathetic and nasty. So woe betide anyone does that to me; they will get a barrage of verbal diarrhoea like they have never heard in their life! I can give as good as I get, and I would verbally tear them apart; them and everything they possess!

JimmyTheWig

MSE_Nick wrote: »

My girlfriend's expecting me to spend a certain amount on her engagement ring, but I've found a nice one for a chunk less. Should I just buy it and not tell her how much it cost, or stump up the cash for a more expensive one?

Establish the maximum budget. This should be a joint decision, even though it is you buying the ring. Even if finances aren't joined at this point in time, any money you spend now will be less money to spend as a couple in the future.

Then find the nicest ring within the maximum budget. If the nicest one is less than the maximum then brilliant. That gives money left over for other stuff (holiday, wedding, house, shopping). If a ring is in budget, ignore the price. Which would your girlfriend prefer?
If without knowing the price she would prefer one but then on finding out another was more expensive she prefers that one then she has a problem. Some people are saying to ditch her, but I'm assuming that you're too emotionally entangled by now for that. But it would suggest that you will need to be careful about money in the future.

Once you've chosen the nicest ring in budget give it to her.

At some point in the near future tell her how much it cost and decide together, unless you want to make it a surprise, what to spend the rest of the budget on.


Obviously a big no-no would be to buy the cheaper ring and then spend the difference on an xbox and a Sky Sports subscription that she wouldn't use!

Revengant

Is this how life is going to be with her in the future? It will only get worse for you I can tell you. Ditch her now while you easily can....

Mojisola

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

You don't have to be shallow to have a look at someone's engagement ring. It is absolutely expected that women will show off two things in their lives - their engagement rings and any babies they have. Every woman shown these things (and, believe me, that means EVERY woman she comes in contact with) will be shown the ring or baby concerned and expected to admire it.

Not all women are the same.

I don't like rings and didn't have an engagement ring. My wedding ring was worn on the day and has been in a box ever since.

Pollycat

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

You don't have to be shallow to have a look at someone's engagement ring. It is absolutely expected that women will show off two things in their lives - their engagement rings and any babies they have. Every woman shown these things (and, believe me, that means EVERY woman she comes in contact with) will be shown the ring or baby concerned and expected to admire it.

If the woman herself doesn't deliberately wave the ring around to show everyone - some other woman will spot it on her hand and proceed to announce the fact to every woman within earshot (so that congratulations can start).

There's no let-off having to be the one "doing the admiring" just because you personally aren't a shallow sort of person..:rotfl:

I'm much more likely to admire an engagement ring than a baby.

I used to hate it when I worked in an office and the new Mum would pop by with the baby and it would be passed around like a parcel.

I'd do the necessary 'aaaah' but that was it.
Not because I was comparing it to my own (non-existant ) baby but because I don't 'do' babies.

When my sister had her first, I said 'Lovely. Bring her back when she can walk and talk'. I was only partly joking. :cool:

bods

Tell her you'll spend that much on her if she spends that much on a ring for you.

Seriously.

There's actually a huge amount of sexism wrapped up in weddings that people don't question because it's "tradition". But when you think about it, there is absolutely no good reason why a man shouldn't be bought an engagement ring, just as there is absolutely no good reason why a woman shouldn't propose on any day of the week she likes.

People have been screaming about the equality of the sexes for decades, but I'm firmly convinced we'll never have equality until we start addressing this elephant in the room!

Pollycat

bods wrote: »

Tell her you'll spend that much on her if she spends that much on a ring for you.

Seriously.

There's actually a huge amount of sexism wrapped up in weddings that people don't question because it's "tradition". But when you think about it, there is absolutely no good reason why a man shouldn't be bought an engagement ring, just as there is absolutely no good reason why a woman shouldn't propose on any day of the week she likes.

People have been screaming about the equality of the sexes for decades, but I'm firmly convinced we'll never have equality until we start addressing this elephant in the room!

Absolutely agree.

I bought my ex-husband a ring when we got engaged.
In fact, it cost as much as my diamond ring (his also had a diamond in it).

IIRC, it was common (40+ years ago) for men to have those intaglio rings with (I think) onyx stones.

GlasweJen

I bought my OH a coffee machine for our engagement, I offered to buy him a ring but he didn't want one.