7 years - no proposal

euronorris

Compromise. Small wedding in the UK.


That's what DH and I did. He too hated the idea of being the centre of attention all day. You have to remember that being best man is very different to being the groom. Everyone wants to talk to you, all day, you have to say your vows in front of everyone, then there's loads of pictures, so, so many pictures, then all the congratulations, then the meal and speeches and when you think you're done and can relax at the disco, you're not, people still want to talk to you. It is exhausting. Lovely, but exhausting. And for someone who doesn't like being the centre of attention, it's really not all that nice.


If getting married is important to you, suggest a really small wedding in the UK. We did it and booked and planned it all within 4 months. Cost less than £5k as well. You can do it smaller, and cheaper than that if required.

jackieblack

ringo_24601 wrote: »

He does know that the groom isn't the centre of attention much at a wedding - it's all about the bride. The grooms speech isn't as pressured as the best man's either.

The day should be equally about both bride and groom, (unless there's a Bridezilla involved) and there shouldn't be any pressure on anyone over speeches. A few words 'from the heart' are all that is required.

Mojisola

Blueskies21 wrote: »

The thing that bothers me - the only thing really - about a small wedding with no reception afterwards is what exactly do we do after the wedding?

You can have a small wedding and a reception. It depends on the numbers you're talking about.

If there's only six guests, a reception would be a bit silly. If there's thirty of you, you can have a party afterwards.

Guest101

Jagraf wrote: »

You remind me of me, but about houses. I rent and I'm desperate for a house I own outright - but my reasons are seem to do with people talking about curtains and paint pots! The rest of my life is fab but the grass is always greener.

A small wedding is so much more intimate (in my opinion). Good things come in small packages.

Xx

You do know you can change whatever you like, even in rented.


Just make sure you return it to how it was when you leave


(and no, it doesn't matter if your tenancy says you cant)

jackieblack

Blueskies21 wrote: »

No we don't have wills. I guess we havn't even thought about it until now. I will look into this more.

The thing that bothers me - the only thing really - about a small wedding with no reception afterwards is what exactly do we do after the wedding? Go for a meal but in a wedding dress? Then just go home? I've never been to a small wedding with only a few guests so I just have no idea. Even if we do it abroad which is fine and lovely for when u say your vows but then what? I just picture a big meal and party afterwards - you know your standard wedding? But I just struggle to imagine what would happen if say a couple of us go to a registry office. Then what? Do I just go home do I even buy a dress? I just feel it would be awkward but I guess it's because I just don't know/ can't imagine what would happen.

You could have a small, intimate ceremony, (maybe with just parents or parents & siblings? One of the things you need to decide between you - what constitutes 'big' exactly?) and then have a meal at a nice restaurant afterwards, in a private room maybe?
Then maybe you and OH can have a night away in a hotel? (can grandparents have your child for a night or two?)


There are lots of lovely wedding dresses that aren't enormous meringues that you'd feel daft sitting in a restaurant in.

Blueskies21

Ok so say 30 day guests and then just those 30 guests for a night reception too?

I think that could work and could feel more like a wedding but the only problem is we both have quite large families and that may cause an issue with offending people who can't come. My mum has 10 brothers and sisters and his mum has 6 so if then we have our dads families. Plus I have 2 sisters with partners and so does he. Then we have friends who we would really want there.

That's why he said he would do it abroad so we didn't have that problem and who ever wants to come can come. But then I do think it'll only be a handful of people as we can't expect them to pay hundreds of pounds to come. So if we do it abroad with a small number then what do we do afterwards... A meal or something?

euronorris

OK, when it comes to wedding planning you're going to have to develop a thick skin and not care what people think. There will always be someone who is offended or thinks you should do things differently. Ignore them. Not their day, and they are not paying for it.


We stuck rigidly to immediate family with ours (parents, siblings, their spouses and their children) and close friends. And that was that. Some people were annoyed at not getting invited but tough, we were sticking to our number, and budget, and that was that.

Mojisola

Blueskies21 wrote: »

That's why he said he would do it abroad so we didn't have that problem and who ever wants to come can come. But then I do think it'll only be a handful of people as we can't expect them to pay hundreds of pounds to come.

So you end up with only the guests who can afford to come rather than the people who are most important to you?

You're willing to compromise on the number of guests; I'd expect him to compromise by agreeing to have the wedding in this country.

Mojisola

euronorris wrote: »

OK, when it comes to wedding planning you're going to have to develop a thick skin and not care what people think. There will always be someone who is offended or thinks you should do things differently. Ignore them. Not their day, and they are not paying for it.

We stuck rigidly to immediate family with ours (parents, siblings, their spouses and their children) and close friends. And that was that. Some people were annoyed at not getting invited but tough, we were sticking to our number, and budget, and that was that.

Blueskies - how many would be invited if you did the same as euronorris?

jackieblack

Blueskies21 wrote: »

Ok so say 30 day guests and then just those 30 guests for a night reception too?

Would your OH be happy with 30 or would he class that as too big?

Blueskies21 wrote: »

I think that could work and could feel more like a wedding but the only problem is we both have quite large families and that may cause an issue with offending people who can't come. My mum has 10 brothers and sisters and his mum has 6 so if then we have our dads families. Plus I have 2 sisters with partners and so does he. Then we have friends who we would really want there.

So maybe don't invite all the aunts and uncles?
Maybe only have parents, siblings & partners and closest friends to the ceremony and meal?

Blueskies21 wrote: »

That's why he said he would do it abroad so we didn't have that problem and who ever wants to come can come. But then I do think it'll only be a handful of people as we can't expect them to pay hundreds of pounds to come. So if we do it abroad with a small number then what do we do afterwards... A meal or something?

Yes!