7 years - no proposal

Jagraf

Sometimes, big weddings aren't all they are cracked up to be.

They can be expensive, and a load of hassle and stress. I've done a big wedding and a small one And the small one was so much nicer.

You have a lovely family - seriously there is no rush.

Blueskies21

Ok thank you for your input. I know I am disappointed but I want to make him happy too. It's easy to get sucked into my emotions and hopes and dreams and that its so unfair and forget what really matters.

I appreciate the input and do recognise that I am probably being selfish in only wanting what I want.

I would have the small wedding as I want the marriage more, much more than just a big day

Guest101

Blueskies21 wrote: »

Ok thank you for your input. I know I am disappointed but I want to make him happy too. It's easy to get sucked into my emotions and hopes and dreams and that its so unfair and forget what really matters.

I appreciate the input and do recognise that I am probably being selfish in only wanting what I want.

I would have the small wedding as I want the marriage more, much more than just a big day

So why haven't you asked him to marry you yet?


Perhaps he hasn't asked because he thinks he'll have no say on it...

[Deleted User]

He does know that the groom isn't the centre of attention much at a wedding - it's all about the bride. The grooms speech isn't as pressured as the best man's either.

His attitude sounds quite controlling

Guest101

ringo_24601 wrote: »

He does know that the groom isn't the centre of attention much at a wedding - it's all about the bride. The grooms speech isn't as pressured as the best man's either.

His attitude sounds quite controlling

Based on what?!


Blimey, every bloke is categorised as controlling in this day and age.


He has a say on his own life!

LilElvis

Blueskies21 wrote: »

I want to be married because I guess I'm traditional in that way. We had my son but it wasn't planned. Nothing we have done seems to be because we set out to do it because we are so committed to each other - it just happens. I would like for him to say actually you are the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with because we both want to. I don't have any real security as just boyfriend and girlfriend and a marriage to me means forever. We will work through everything. Boyfriend and girlfriend just seems so easy to walk away from when it gets tough.

If you were really "traditional", and worried that he could walk away, you would have got married before having a child with him.

Being married is no guarantee that he won't walk away anyway.

Pushing him into doing something that isn't what he wants is a pretty good way of bringing about an end to the relationship.

Jagraf

Blueskies21 wrote: »

Ok thank you for your input. I know I am disappointed but I want to make him happy too. It's easy to get sucked into my emotions and hopes and dreams and that its so unfair and forget what really matters.

I appreciate the input and do recognise that I am probably being selfish in only wanting what I want.

I would have the small wedding as I want the marriage more, much more than just a big day

You remind me of me, but about houses. I rent and I'm desperate for a house I own outright - but my reasons are seem to do with people talking about curtains and paint pots! The rest of my life is fab but the grass is always greener.

A small wedding is so much more intimate (in my opinion). Good things come in small packages.

Xx

Blueskies21

I didn't really have a chance to ensure we were married before having our first child. It was unplanned we both didn't have jobs and were in uni. Now we are planning our second child I would now like that security and to know that we both want this. I trust him completely there's never a moment I think he would cheat or leave me but I would like to know that's official. He said he would marry me tomorrow as long as we can go abroad and just have a small wedding. But he still hasn't proposed so we can't even begin to plan anything plus I don't want to be proposed to only on the basis that I get married the way he wants to do it. I want to get engaged because it's both what we want.

Mojisola

Blueskies21 wrote: »

I would have the small wedding as I want the marriage more, much more than just a big day

There you are - you've compromised from your original position.

Tell him that you're happy to have a small ceremony in this country and set a date.

There are legal protections and benefits available to married couples that unmarried couples can't claim. Some of those can be settled when you make wills but not all of them.

Do you have wills? If not, do you understand what would happen if he died - you wouldn't inherit anything from him. You aren't even each other next-of-kin at the moment and could be cut out from important health decisions if your blood relations decided to take over.

Blueskies21

No we don't have wills. I guess we havn't even thought about it until now. I will look into this more.

The thing that bothers me - the only thing really - about a small wedding with no reception afterwards is what exactly do we do after the wedding? Go for a meal but in a wedding dress? Then just go home? I've never been to a small wedding with only a few guests so I just have no idea. Even if we do it abroad which is fine and lovely for when u say your vows but then what? I just picture a big meal and party afterwards - you know your standard wedding? But I just struggle to imagine what would happen if say a couple of us go to a registry office. Then what? Do I just go home do I even buy a dress? I just feel it would be awkward but I guess it's because I just don't know/ can't imagine what would happen.