1st Christmas Together

Whiteknight

AN UPDATE

Been a little while since I was on the forums and thought I would give an update regarding the whole Christmas situation as a lot of people took the time to reply with advice. (Only fair I tell you what I did)

I did give £110 towards both children, the children got the gifts that they wanted, I'm not sure how much money was obtained from the children's father the younger still believes in Father Christmas so the presents were not marked as being from anyone. I also bought them each something small that I could give them as they had opened presents before I arrived.

I did also pay for the shopping before Christmas (it would have been a good idea to have set a limit on this as the trolley was filled with items that I never got to enjoy - she had a family buffet after Christmas where a lot of this food was consumed)

In hindsight maybe I was silly as I went against the advice that the majority of people who replied gave.

Mojisola

So you got to pay for presents that you didn't see the children open and also paid for food that fed other people at an event you weren't invited to?

How do you feel about the relationship now?

haras_nosirrah

Wow

You gave a massive contribution to the kids presents and they didn't know it was a joint present and you didn't see them open it?

Not suprised they are asking for expensive gifts if Santa provides as he has unlimited resources

My son is 3. First year he 'got' Christmas. Santa gave him one present (a Mr tumble puzzle and an orange) in his stocking. Rest of his presents came from family and were opened while the giftors were with him so he could thank them and they could share his joy. We will carry on with one inexpensive present from Santa each year as a reward for being a good boy so he realises and can be thankful to his family and friends who get him gifts rather than thinking he can have whatever he wants as Santa will provide.

You also paid for the food shop to a party you didn't attend?

You need to agree some ground rules with the girlfriend if this relationship is to work long term as you appear to be a cash point at the moment. It may not be the reality but we can only go by what is written.

Pixie5740

At first glance I read that you'd given £10 towards each child but £110 each :eek:

Then there's the food for a party you weren't at (invited to?). You're setting a dangerous precident. However, you're a big boy though and if that's how you want to spend your money that's up to you.

Pollycat

Whiteknight wrote: »

I did give £110 towards both children, the children got the gifts that they wanted, I'm not sure how much money was obtained from the children's father the younger still believes in Father Christmas so the presents were not marked as being from anyone. I also bought them each something small that I could give them as they had opened presents before I arrived.

I did also pay for the shopping before Christmas (it would have been a good idea to have set a limit on this as the trolley was filled with items that I never got to enjoy - she had a family buffet after Christmas where a lot of this food was consumed)

In hindsight maybe I was silly as I went against the advice that the majority of people who replied gave.

Did you pay for the whole trolley full of shopping? :eek:
If you did, it sounds to me that she really took advantage of you - expecting you to pay for food for her to entertain her family in your absence.

Well, there's no question which of these you decided to be....

Whiteknight wrote: »

I however don't want to be viewed as the bank of Whiteknight but also don't want to appear as Scrooge and be the person who put a dampener on Christmas

How does the relationship stand now?

It might be a good idea if you have a serious discussion about money if your relationship is to continue to develop.
You've already mentioned that you've had disagreements over money.

Whiteknight wrote: »

we have had arguments over money previously which is why I am reluctant to speak to her directly about it, I've always saved for the things I need or what but if she needs something she will get it.

She's clearly not averse to spending someone else's money either.

I think you're in danger of being taken for a mug.

Guest101

Wow £110 + a gift each (what £5/10 each) + a trolley full of shopping (£80-90?)


That's what £220 ? and what did you get from her? - I know it's not about giving and expecting to receive, but certainly there must be something to show appreciation. I would think a really thoughtful gift, something you mentioned weeks ago off the cuff, but she listened?


But I doubt that.


I think it's incredibly cheeky to not invite you to the buffet which YOU paid for.


I also don't think the relationship is in the correct place to pay out £110 if you aren't spending Christmas eve with her to be there when her and the kids wake up.

Stevie_Palimo

Guest101 wrote: »

Wow £110 + a gift each (what £5/10 each) + a trolley full of shopping (£80-90?)


That's what £220 ? and what did you get from her? - I know it's not about giving and expecting to receive, but certainly there must be something to show appreciation. I would think a really thoughtful gift, something you mentioned weeks ago off the cuff, but she listened?


But I doubt that.


I think it's incredibly cheeky to not invite you to the buffet which YOU paid for.


I also don't think the relationship is in the correct place to pay out £110 if you aren't spending Christmas eve with her to be there when her and the kids wake up.

Don't know where you shop but my Xmas shop cost a hell of a lot more than £80-£90.00 that is for sure, Try 4 folding it and your not far away.

Also why is not the right place to buy presents if the guy is happy to spend his money then what business is it of anybody's to say he is not in the right place to spend his money here, He knows what made him feel right/happy and that is it.

Guest101

Stevie_Palimo wrote: »

Don't know where you shop but my Xmas shop cost a hell of a lot more than £80-£90.00 that is for sure, Try 4 folding it and your not far away.

Also why is not the right place to buy presents if the guy is happy to spend his money then what business is it of anybody's to say he is not in the right place to spend his money here, He knows what made him feel right/happy and that is it.

Obviously it depends on what you buy as well as where, but ASDA or Sainsbury's for a full trolley (for me) is about £80-90, of course if I filled it with bottles of wine, it could be £800-900! - but fair point, I was guesstimating.


on your second point:
1: If he was 'happy' about it, he wouldn't post here. Happy people don't go on to forums to question their decision to spend money in such a way.
2: It's a public forum, and when you, he or anyone posts, there'll be responses which you, he, etc wont agree with. - which is why it is my business, yours, etc to say something.
3: It's not right in my opinion, because clearly the relationship isn't at a stage where he was staying over during Christmas, as he'd be there for present opening if it were.

Stevie_Palimo

Guest101 wrote: »

Obviously it depends on what you buy as well as where, but ASDA or Sainsbury's for a full trolley (for me) is about £80-90, of course if I filled it with bottles of wine, it could be £800-900! - but fair point, I was guesstimating.


on your second point:
1: If he was 'happy' about it, he wouldn't post here. Happy people don't go on to forums to question their decision to spend money in such a way.
2: It's a public forum, and when you, he or anyone posts, there'll be responses which you, he, etc wont agree with. - which is why it is my business, yours, etc to say something.
3: It's not right in my opinion, because clearly the relationship isn't at a stage where he was staying over during Christmas, as he'd be there for present opening if it were.

Points taken Guest.

Pollycat

Guest101 wrote: »

on your second point:
1: If he was 'happy' about it, he wouldn't post here. Happy people don't go on to forums to question their decision to spend money in such a way.
2: It's a public forum, and when you, he or anyone posts, there'll be responses which you, he, etc wont agree with. - which is why it is my business, yours, etc to say something.
3: It's not right in my opinion, because clearly the relationship isn't at a stage where he was staying over during Christmas, as he'd be there for present opening if it were.

You wrote it before me - and probably better than I would have. :T

In the update, the OP actually says:

Whiteknight wrote: »

In hindsight maybe I was silly as I went against the advice that the majority of people who replied gave.

There's nothing in his update to say how much the gifts were appreciated by the kids - just that they got what they wanted - and nothing to say he had a really fab Christmas and it was worth every penny he spent.

I find that really sad.