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1st Christmas Together

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  • Forgot to add that you could contribute anonymously to the kids presents from your girlfriend and then buy them token gifts from you that they know about.

    Everyone wins without potentially negative consequences with the children. Your relationship is young, so I'd be wary about making it look more serious or permanent with the children (directly.)
  • emsywoo123
    emsywoo123 Posts: 5,440 Forumite
    Thank you for all the replies, to answer some of the questions that were asked,

    The argument about money is down the the fact that I am a saver and she is a spender, she has been honest with me about the fact that she cannot save. I don't want to change her but would hope that she would see the benefits in thinking before she spends.

    I have spent quite a bit of time with the children and have always known that they come as a package - I don't have a problem with that (it has been quite tense at time with the oldest feeling left out when I am around and the youngest still wanting to sleep in her bed)

    The children have asked her for certain gifts, and because of her lack of being able to save I know she will find it a struggle to have the money to buy them, I would like to consider myself part of the family and instead of spending money on token gifts I thought it would be better to help them get something that they really wanted and I would not be wasting my money on unwanted items.

    I had already told my GF that I would help with the Christmas food shop, I want us to spend Christmas as a family and I would have to buy things if I was doing Christmas on my own anyway.

    My GF actually has more money that I do.

    Hi OP,

    I have been with my BF for 8 months, and I have 2 children. Who probably want high price items (because no child is going to realistically want a lump of coal :rotfl: )

    He is a saver, I am a spender (although in my head I have big long term plans to save.........!!)

    I would not dream of him making a contribution like you discuss. Any gift that he may choose to buy my children would be welcomed and appreciated, but there is no need for any grand gesture. My children like him, and like his company and our situation works for us without loads of money.

    Spend time choosing something that each child, with a sensible budget, and do not force those family finances. Joint present buying will come in time; enjoy the experience of showing your efforts, and they will all be delighted that you have put so much thought in (or they should be!)

    Good luck, and I hope you have a wonderful first Xmas together :beer:
  • Threebabes
    Threebabes Posts: 1,272 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    You sound like a lovely person, you are right when a partner has children they are a package.

    I would contribute agreed amount to large expensive gift anon and buy token to give them on the day.

    When DH and I got together 22 year ago, he was a saver and I the spender. We more or less straight away started saving for our first home, Dh saving and I had a catalogue and a bank loan to pay off, then saved. Over the years I am more of a saver now, you do rub of on one another. Picking up good habits. So with time she may change.

    Enjoy your christmas together.
  • HOWMUCH
    HOWMUCH Posts: 1,296 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts
    Buy gifts of your own, or vouchers and let the kids buy what they want. How old are they?
    Why pay full price when you may get it YS ;)
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,571 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    The argument about money is down the the fact that I am a saver and she is a spender, she has been honest with me about the fact that she cannot save.

    I don't want to change her but would hope that she would see the benefits in thinking before she spends.

    Yes, you do. You want her to start thinking before she spends - and it's very unlikely that she will change, especially now she has you on hand to make her the shortfall in her finances.


    My GF actually has more money that I do.

    You are being very naive if you think that the way she manages her finances won't cause problems in a longterm relationship.

    She has more money than you but can't be bothered to save up for her own children's Christmas presents? Imagine living with this kind of scenario year after year. :( If you don't end resentful, you're not normal.
  • duchy
    duchy Posts: 19,511 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker Xmas Saver!
    edited 1 November 2015 at 12:58PM
    She has more money probably because she gets tax credits/child support - however she also presumably pays rent or mortgage, feeds, clothes etc her children whereas the OP is single and maybe even still lives at home (as there is no mention of spending Christmas at his). She may have more coming in but she also has more going out. It's a lot easier to be a saver when single without the expense of children and the unexpected expenses like suddenly outgrowing shoes, school trips, losing pay if a child is sick and the like that tend to pop up for parents and bust budgets.
    I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole

    MSE Florida wedding .....no problem
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,571 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    we have had arguments over money previously which is why I am reluctant to speak to her directly about it, I've always saved for the things I need or what but if she needs something she will get it.
    duchy wrote: »
    She has more money probably because she gets tax credits/child support - however she also presumably pays rent or mortgage, feeds, clothes etc her children whereas the OP is single and maybe even still lives at home (as there is no mention of spending Christmas at his).

    She may have more coming in but she also has more going out.

    It could be like that but the OP has made several references to her spending on whatever she wants and her admitting that she can't (won't?) save.
  • Buy them a PS4 you tight git.

    Money buys love after all
  • duchy
    duchy Posts: 19,511 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker Xmas Saver!
    Mojisola wrote: »
    It could be like that but the OP has made several references to her spending on whatever she wants and her admitting that she can't (won't?) save.

    Without knowing what she is spending on it's hard to say .
    Many single parents aren't in a position to save much if at all whereas most twenty-somethings still living at home are.

    For example most childless people don't realize a child can grow out of shoes in six weeks if they are in a growing spurt and would consider buying two pairs of new school shoes in two months as extravagance - but then whether she spends or saves isn't really any of his business if he is living elsewhere .

    Her saying she isn't able to save is not the same thing- for all we know she isn't able to save because her income only just covers her and the children's living expenses. Hopefully if he stays over he contributes the extra electric and gas he consumes as well as covers the cost of his own food.
    I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole

    MSE Florida wedding .....no problem
  • maman
    maman Posts: 29,970 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    I'm still of the opinion that you need to be very wary if the GF has very different views on money than you do whiteknight.


    I'm reading your posts that she's a 'money burns a hole in her pocket' sort so that she could save for Christmas as she has enough money but doesn't do so because it's not her way.


    I'd still be wary of being taken advantage of. By all means pay your way on the food shopping. I take your point about contributing to a present they really want rather than buying 'stuff' but make sure all you're doing is making a sensible contribution (£20 each?) and not paying the majority because mum's disorganised and hasn't planned for it.


    I know this is specifically a 'what to do about Christmas' but these sort of financial dilemmas would be year long if your relationship becomes more permanent. Do continue to think hard about how you handle the finances going forward.
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