We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.
This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!
1st Christmas Together
Comments
-
VfM4meplse wrote: »I think something simple that you can all enjoy together, such as an outing as a family / DVD or board game and takeaway over the festive period would be a fun thing to do and take some pressure away from your new GF.Please do not quote spam as this enables it to 'live on' once the spam post is removed.
If you quote me, don't forget the capital 'M'
Declutterers of the world - unite! :rotfl::rotfl:0 -
There is lots you can do for relatively little money. I'd echo the idea of a board game or perhaps a jigsaw. Have you thought about going to the pound shop and getting ten different things to put in a gift bag or box. Depending on the age of the kids then a roll of lining paper and a BIG selection of crayons/pens will keep them occupied for ages.
Good luck0 -
Depends how you've argued about money.
Frankly a new couple who aren't living together -I'm wondering why there is any need to argue about it.
If you were criticizing how she spends her own money in her own home or on her own kids ...... or if she was asking you to contribute towards something ......or you were telling her she should be more MSE ...... or just who paid when you go out............ Arguing about money can mean many things.
I did chuckle at some of the suggestions for gifts - there is frugal and then there is tight - Buying a child something they really like -perhaps connected to an interest they have and showing you've thought about the child will be better received than any old bit of tat from the pound shop but doesn't have to cost a fortune either.
For me kids are the ones I spend on - adults get the token gifts but you really do need to talk to your girlfriend about this - better to clear the air and discuss expectations now than to ruin Christmas day with unfulfilled expectations on either side. If you really can't talk to her about it perhaps your relationship isn't yet ready for Christmas day together as a family .
If she sees you spending Christmas day with her and the children as a step forward in you becoming a family and you turn up with colouring books it might be less turkey and more cold shoulder and tongue pie !!!
You posted back in the summer about a similar issue - doesn't sound like much has changed. You clearly have more money than she does but don't want to spend it on the kids (no reason you should have to as you aren't living together and they aren't your kids) which in a dating situation with no expectation of becoming a family is fine so long as you both know where you stand but if she thinks you are more involved and committed and sees herself and the kids as a package (which lots of Mums do) then you do need to talk about it together and see both sides.I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole
MSE Florida wedding .....no problem0 -
How about you suggesting that you contribute towards the Christmas dinner, if you are going to be there? Maybe if you offered your gf a contribution towards the festive food and drink, this would be seen as a generous contribution without the minefield of contributing to the kids presents. Then you can buy the kids a small gift each without feeling mean.
If you gf is generally short of cash, I would think that this would be a very welcome suggestion! I certainly would've loved this idea when I was in a new-ish relationship and short of readies.
HTH0 -
I think you need to talk to her about it now. You both need to be on the same page when it comes to finances or at least be able to discuss them openly or it will only cause more problems in the future when you start to get more serious.
Sounds like she's expecting too much from you, if you don't tell her now how you feel then she's just going to keep expecting it and be disappointed. I wouldn't turn up on Christmas day with a colouring book if she's expecting much much more, surely that's going to lead to more of an argument than if you decide on something together. If you really can't talk to her about it then maybe this isn't the right relationship for you.0 -
Whiteknight wrote: »we have had arguments over money previously which is why I am reluctant to speak to her directly about it
How did you settle who paid for what on the holiday or was this one of the arguments?0 -
BlondeHeadOn wrote: »How about you suggesting that you contribute towards the Christmas dinner, if you are going to be there? Maybe if you offered your gf a contribution towards the festive food and drink, this would be seen as a generous contribution without the minefield of contributing to the kids presents. Then you can buy the kids a small gift each without feeling mean.
If you gf is generally short of cash, I would think that this would be a very welcome suggestion! I certainly would've loved this idea when I was in a new-ish relationship and short of readies.
HTH
I agree with this. Small gifts for the children and you contribute to the Christmas food/Christmas treats. Or better still, tell your gf now that you will be responsible for ordering/buying the turkey/meats etc and festive goodies and liaise with her as to what she wants in the way of this, so you can get ordering/shopping well in time or go together to do this, but you pay. She can then put the money she would have spent on food/luxuries, towards the 'high value items' for her children.
I also wonder if it would be a good idea to suggest that we have a budget of what to spend on each other but I think I know the answer to that one!
Sounds very clinical for a newish relationship - she should be happy whatever you buy for her! Buy her what you think she would like and you can afford, it's a gift after all!0 -
Whiteknight wrote: »I also wonder if it would be a good idea to suggest that we have a budget of what to spend on each other but I think I know the answer to that one!
It saves a lot of upset/confusion if you have a ball-park figure for how much gets spent on presents. We've done that in our family for years.0 -
That is what we do too now, Mojisola, but this is a newish relationship, unless I've understood wrong.
We would never have dreamed of suggesting a budget in the first year of our relationship!0 -
This discussion has been closed.
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply

Categories
- All Categories
- 352K Banking & Borrowing
- 253.5K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 454.2K Spending & Discounts
- 245K Work, Benefits & Business
- 600.6K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 177.4K Life & Family
- 258.8K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16.2K Discuss & Feedback
- 37.6K Read-Only Boards