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1st Christmas Together
Comments
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You wrote it before me - and probably better than I would have. :T
In the update, the OP actually says:
There's nothing in his update to say how much the gifts were appreciated by the kids - just that they got what they wanted - and nothing to say he had a really fab Christmas and it was worth every penny he spent.
I find that really sad.
Me too.
I expected the post to say - and my GF got me an amazing gift, it wasn't expensive but it's something I've wanted for ages but never got round to getting. (guitar lessons, driving experience etc etc.)
He also said he didn't know how much their dad had contributed, if I was paying towards gifts, I think that's something I'd want to know. Not to compete or one up him, just think that would be a normal conversation.
GF: The kids have asked for x, y and z. I've got £xx, I'm getting £yy from their father, if you want to contribute £zz then we can get the kids all the gifts they've asked for. However if you aren't comfortable with that etc. etc.0 -
I wouldn't be with that kind of partner.0
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I don't think the OP and his gf have even been together for a year yet and there are already issues surrounding money so it's something that needs to be discussed and nipped in the bud.0
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Have you received any kind of thank you, or evidence of gratitude from the recipients? If not, you're a mug and she's rude.They are an EYESORES!!!!0
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So you got to pay for presents that you didn't see the children open and also paid for food that fed other people at an event you weren't invited to?
How do you feel about the relationship now?Did you pay for the whole trolley full of shopping? :eek:
If you did, it sounds to me that she really took advantage of you - expecting you to pay for food for her to entertain her family in your absence.
How does the relationship stand now?
I think you're in danger of being taken for a mug.
I did pay for the whole shop, we had gone shopping on Christmas Eve to get all those last minute items and party foods were also added - I should add at that point I was not sure what was going to be happening but knew that her and the children would be staying with family on Boxing Day and having a get together with them (Rather foolishly I suppose I hoped that I would be invited)
Interestingly enough it did come to about £80!haras_nosirrah wrote:Wow
You gave a massive contribution to the kids presents and they didn't know it was a joint present and you didn't see them open it?
You also paid for the food shop to a party you didn't attend?
You need to agree some ground rules with the girlfriend if this relationship is to work long term as you appear to be a cash point at the moment. It may not be the reality but we can only go by what is written.
The original plan was for me to stay over on Christmas Eve so that I could see the children open the presents, that had to change as their father could only see them in the morning so to cut a long story down it was easier for me to not stay there (you will love this) I was told that he was staying over on Christmas Eve so that the children did not have to wait for him to arrive before they opened their presents.
Of course when he went and I was invited over the presents had been opened and they were busy playing with them, gifts from me were exchanged. Later that evening I dropped them off at the family she was staying with.
How do I feel about the relationship now?
Really wish I had not spent as much as I did, she did not seem to worry about what I would be eating after Christmas (when they were eating the leftovers from Christmas Day and party food) I feel used and more so now that she has become distant with me, with next to no contact from her since I dropped her children off on Monday.0 -
I bet you feel used. She sounds like a user so delete her number and chalk this one up to experience.0
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Whiteknight wrote: »I did pay for the whole shop
I was told that he was staying over on Christmas Eve so that the children did not have to wait for him to arrive before they opened their presents.
Later that evening I dropped them off at the family she was staying with.
I feel used and more so now that she has become distant with me, with next to no contact from her since I dropped her children off on Monday.I bet you feel used. She sounds like a user so delete her number and chalk this one up to experience.
Please take Pixie's advice and cut this woman out of your life!0 -
I know you wish you hadnt spent as much, but see it as money well spent, she has shown you a side that is not very nice. If she thought you were serious enough to provide for her and her children then surely it was only natural for you to be accompanying her to celebrations over the festive period. Especially if she knew you had no other plans. Some people are all take. Personally if i were in her situation i would maybe have suggested a gift that i knew the children were asking for but wasnt too expensive, perhaps £20 mark. No way would i expect anyone else to pay for my childrens christmas, especially a newish partner.
On a personal note, i never understand why parents allow their children to meet new partners quite soon in relationships, for me i would need to be sure we were serious and it was long term, i wouldnt want to confuse them, or have them remembering strings of men and no real stability.0 -
Whiteknight wrote: »The argument about money is down the the fact that I am a saver and she is a spender, she has been honest with me about the fact that she cannot save.
Adults take responsibility for themselves. Some people unfortunately are quite happy to take full advantage of others without any consideration.Whiteknight wrote: »I feel used and more so now that she has become distant with me, with next to no contact from her since I dropped her children off on Monday.
It wouldn't be out of order to ask your GF what's changed. You deserve an answer but also be honest with yourself too, did she actually ask you for the financial contribution you made?
If it's over, consider it a small price to pay for getting shot of her.Value-for-money-for-me-puhleeze!
"No man is worth, crawling on the earth"- adapted from Bob Crewe and Bob Gaudio
Hope is not a strategy...A child is for life, not just 18 years....Don't get me started on the NHS, because you won't win...I love chaz-ing!
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I'm sorry it came to this and that you feel used, in hindsight, it does seem very unfair but the one plus i think you can take from this is that she has shown you her true colours. Where you go from now is your choice but tbh she seems very ungrateful.This is a system account and does not represent a real person. To contact the Forum Team email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com0
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