Pregnant, advised to talk to dad through solicitor

Lily-Rose_3

duchy wrote: »

Of the women I know who have had abortions or who had a child adopted all carry "baggage" from it . Some if they had the time again would make a different decision - some say it was the right thing to do at the time but they still have regrets/guilt even though they wouldn't change the decision.

To say accidents *never* happen is just silly though . Lily I never thought you led such a sheltered life !!

All right then Duchy. They RARELY happen.

I just genuinely believe that when women say they got pregnant accidently, most of the time, they're lying. Because - as I said - it's funny how they almost always keep the baby. If it was an accident, then why do they not have an abortion? If they keep it, it proves (IMO) that she planned it.

Maybe it's more likely to be an accident if the female is say 17, but not a woman in her 30s, no way... it's probably planned...by her anyway.....

Pixie5740

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Yeah I know it takes two to Tango and all that jazz, but she was on the pill, and he had sex with her in good faith 'assuming' she would not get pregnant.

You know what happens when you assume. You make an !!! out of U and ME. Assumption is the mother of all !!!!ups.

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Reading between the lines (and I may be wrong here,) despite the OP saying she 'accidently' fell pregnant; I am struggling to believe it. A woman rarely falls pregnant 'accidently.'

I know several woman who got pregnant despite using contraception. My friend had a coil fitted and ended up pregnant with her 3rd child, in her 30s I might add. My aunt had her tubes tied twice and still had 2 further children. (It's a shame they can't bottle whatever makes her so fertile for couples struggling to have children) and it wasn't until my uncle had the snip that they had no more children. My aunt and uncles are very Catholic and all 4 children are very much loved and wanted.

My colleague's wife ended up pregnant (with twins no less) whilst on the pill and after that he also got the snip as his wife refused to sleep with him until he did as 4 children was quite enough for her. In fact only 1 of his 5 children were planned (he has 1 with an ex) and he admitted another ex from when he was 18 had also had an abortion (again if they could bottle his fertility....) which makes me wonder why he never thought to take any precautions himself.

So it does happen.

FBaby

You know what happens when you assume. You make an !!! out of U and ME. Assumptions is the mother of all !!!!ups.

It's only acceptable to assume that the ex is a coward and loser

I have to say that I also tend to be skeptical of accidents, but that's a very personal matter and I wouldn't judge it. I know a few 'accidents that were definitely not accidents' who have grown to be extremely happy children living with extremely happy parents.

I just believe in women and men having choices about parenthood. If you want to be a parent to an unplanned child, then that's great, but don't except the other to feel the same.

LilElvis

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Going against the masses here...

Let's stop calling the OP's boyfriend/ex boyfriend a 'nutter;' we don't know the whole story.

I think him swanning off to his parents and communicating only through his parents is rather childish and a bit weird - especially for a 44 y.o. man; but maybe he is finding it hard to talk to the OP, because he is so shocked at her announcing she is pregnant so soon into their relationship, when they had categorically not planned it. And his parents probably aren't too chuffed either, at their son being trapped into fatherhood. Yeah I know it takes two to Tango and all that jazz, but she was on the pill, and he had sex with her in good faith 'assuming' she would not get pregnant.

Reading between the lines (and I may be wrong here,) despite the OP saying she 'accidently' fell pregnant; I am struggling to believe it. A woman rarely falls pregnant 'accidently.'

I mean, if she got pregnant accidently, then why is she not terminating the pregnancy? If it's was a mistake or an accident (getting pregnant,) then why is she keeping it?

Funnily enough, every last woman I have ever known who has 'accidently' fallen pregnant, has ended up keeping the baby. Funny that, it's almost like it was planned all along...

In many cases, it takes at least 4 to 6 weeks after coming off the pill (usually after you have had 1 or 2 periods) before you can get pregnant, so I reckon the vast majority of women who claim they have fallen pregnant on the pill, have done it deliberately.

And why is the OP sending scan pictures to him? Sorry, but that's just wrong IMO. The man doesn't want to know. To be frank; the fact that he is having fatherhood forced on him, and has no choice in the matter; the way he is behaving is almost understandable.

The OP may well have to have this baby - and raise this baby - alone. I just feel a bit sorry for the child, and the man who has to now fork out for 18 years, for a baby he didn't plan - or want. I certainly don't feel sorry for the OP.

Why do you think contraceptives have written all over them that if they are used as directed they are xx% effective? Answer - because they are not 100% effective, even if used as directed. Additionally, certain medications will interact with hormonal contraceptives, lowering their efficacy. Prime among these are antibiotics, very commonly prescribed.

So, yes, a person can be totally committed to preventing themselves from falling pregnant and yet still find themselves in that situation.

How do you know that everyone of your acquaintance who has had an accidental pregnancy has kept the baby? I would expect that a great many women who are in this position and choose to terminate the pregnancy would not broadcast this information to all and sundry, but would treat it as a very private matter.

As for questioning why the OP would choose to keep a baby whose conception was an accident, I think that there are some very obvious answers. She may be religiously or morally opposed to abortion or, being a mother already, cannot bring herself to terminate the pregnancy.

BigAunty

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Funnily enough, every last woman I have ever known who has 'accidently' fallen pregnant, has ended up keeping the baby. Funny that, it's almost like it was planned all along...

.

That's because there are many women you know who would have had abortions following unplanned pregnancy but did not tell you that they had fallen and then had a termination.

tomtontom

LilElvis wrote: »

Why do you think contraceptives have written all over them that if they are used as directed they are xx% effective? Answer - because they are not 100% effective, even if used as directed. Additionally, certain medications will interact with hormonal contraceptives, lowering their efficacy. Prime among these are antibiotics, very commonly prescribed.

So, yes, a person can be totally committed to preventing themselves from falling pregnant and yet still find themselves in that situation.

How do you know that everyone of your acquaintance who has had an accidental pregnancy has kept the baby? I would expect that a great many women who are in this position and choose to terminate the pregnancy would not broadcast this information to all and sundry, but would treat it as a very private matter.

As for questioning why the OP would choose to keep a baby whose conception was an accident, I think that there are some very obvious answers. She may be religiously or morally opposed to abortion or, being a mother already, cannot bring herself to terminate the pregnancy.

But if you're on antibiotics, or there is another reason why the pill will not be as effective, then anyone with an ounce of common sense knows to take further precautions. Like the small failure rate, it's clearly explained in the instructions.

I don't understand what the OP meant by the doctors had been varying the dose - you don't vary the dose of the pill.

duchy

We are drifting off a bit

One thing I meant to say earlier and forgot to is that I really hope the OP forgets the blog idea if she's hoping he will "come around" to some degree - as a blog will likely pretty much guarantee he doesn't !

fizz

DUTR wrote: »

Only on the testimony of the OP, there are always two sides to a story.
If the lady didn't want to relish the stigma and disadvantages that come with being a single Mum, then she too may have been able to do more to prevent the forthcoming situation.
Whilst sex can be pleasurable to either party, it can also be expensive in time, lifestyle and money.

As a single mom of 10 years, after a failed marriage, your comments are highly offensive - please do not tar us all with the same brush.

fizz.x

Laconic

Lily-Rose wrote: »

All right then Duchy. They RARELY happen.

I just genuinely believe that when women say they got pregnant accidently, most of the time, they're lying. Because - as I said - it's funny how they almost always keep the baby. If it was an accident, then why do they not have an abortion? If they keep it, it proves (IMO) that she planned it.

Maybe it's more likely to be an accident if the female is say 17, but not a woman in her 30s, no way... it's probably planned...by her anyway.....

Actually, half of pregnancies are unplanned and of those, half are terminated. One third of women will have at least one termination during their reproductive years but almost no one speaks of it -- talk about a stigma! Because women who keep their babies do all the talking, it's easy to think that that's the default.

[edited to add small additional point]: of women having a termination, most are already mothers -- it's not an anti-child choice. http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0128832

missbiggles1

LilElvis wrote: »

Why do you think contraceptives have written all over them that if they are used as directed they are xx% effective? Answer - because they are not 100% effective, even if used as directed. Additionally, certain medications will interact with hormonal contraceptives, lowering their efficacy. Prime among these are antibiotics, very commonly prescribed.

So, yes, a person can be totally committed to preventing themselves from falling pregnant and yet still find themselves in that situation.

How do you know that everyone of your acquaintance who has had an accidental pregnancy has kept the baby? I would expect that a great many women who are in this position and choose to terminate the pregnancy would not broadcast this information to all and sundry, but would treat it as a very private matter.

As for questioning why the OP would choose to keep a baby whose conception was an accident, I think that there are some very obvious answers. She may be religiously or morally opposed to abortion or, being a mother already, cannot bring herself to terminate the pregnancy.

Well, if you're taking antibiotics (or anything else that affects the pill's efficacy) and don't take additional precaustions at that time, you can hardly be described as being "totally committed" to not getting pregnant, can you? Same goes for suffering from sickness and diarrhea.