Pregnant, advised to talk to dad through solicitor

DUTR

fizz wrote: »

As a single mom of 10 years, after a failed marriage, your comments are highly offensive - please do not tar us all with the same brush.

fizz.x

Where did I tar you all with the same brush? If ya don't like what you read then block me, but don't pretend that all have high opinions where stigma may precede.

Little_Miss_Naughty

Thank you for all your responses, I really don't know where to start answering them.

Yes, we had only been in our relationship a year but we have known each other for many many years. We had a fling 12 years ago after he had split with his 1st wife but living in different parts of the UK and the emotions he was going through after the split it just fizzled out.

I don't want to force anyone into a corner I just want a conversation as to what we both want and if that's him saying he never wants to see the baby then that's his choice and I will need to live with it

DUTR wrote: »

As for the other poster saying he had run off to the parents, I'm assuming he lived with the mother to be and that is the only place available in the short term

We don't live together and never have. I live in Hampshire and he lives in Warwickshire.

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Reading between the lines (and I may be wrong here,) despite the OP saying she 'accidently' fell pregnant; I am struggling to believe it. A woman rarely falls pregnant 'accidently.'

I mean, if she got pregnant accidently, then why is she not terminating the pregnancy? If it's was a mistake or an accident (getting pregnant,) then why is she keeping it?

P.

It was an accident. I'm 40 years old and due to my age I was put on a progestogen only pill. One of the side effects is spotting until the body gets used to it. I went back to my doctors as this was still happening a few months on and I was told it was fine and give it time. After a few more months I went back and spoke to another doctor who said it was not a high enough dose for my body and I was prescribed to take double the amount. This worked but by then I had already fallen pregnant.

I decided to keep the baby as I had miscarried in the past (before my first child) and am finding it hard to abort knowing how much I went through emotionally when I had my miscarriages.

duchy wrote: »

I do wonder about his insistence that work doesn't find out. Having a child out of wedlock is hardly a career breaker (assuming he's not a Catholic priest ) and as he lives some distance from the OP if the relationship wasn't exclusive on his side and there's a girlfriend at work.
If that is the case it might explain his panic. Just a thought.

I hadn't really though of that until reading you post. It's possible I guess. His 2nd wife left him after he had an affair.


When I said we had spoken, it was no more than a 5 minute conversation. He was pulling off his drive as I turned up with the scan photo, I didn't even get out of my car.

I guess what hurts most is he promised to talk the next day and I haven't heard from him since. The police getting envolved in my opinion was not necessary as even they admit I hadn't contacted him. When I spoke and showed then how often his parents had been in touch I was asked if I wanted to pursue them for harassment - which I don't as I don't consider it a police matter, in fact I think it's a waste of thier resources.

Thank you all for your advise.

DUTR

Little_Miss_Naughty wrote: »

Thank you for all your responses, I really don't know where to start answering them.

Yes, we had only been in our relationship a year but we have known each other for many many years. We had a fling 12 years ago after he had split with his 1st wife but living in different parts of the UK and the emotions he was going through after the split it just fizzled out.

I don't want to force anyone into a corner I just want a conversation as to what we both want and if that's him saying he never wants to see the baby then that's his choice and I will need to live with it




We don't live together and never have. I live in Hampshire and he lives in Warwickshire.

Hampshire to Warwickshire is a good journey, may I ask what would be the living arrangements once the baby arrives?
Some employers do have a frowned view upon CSA cases and will quickly find a way to get rid of the employee by hook or crook.
My daighters Mum was near 40 when she caught, her last guy apparently they were trying for 2 years (obviously I can reach the parts other men can't :eek: )
Only you can know what to do with your own situation, but as mentioned earlier I can see why he may not be up for discussion right now (whether one sees it as right wrong cowardly etc) .

Little_Miss_Naughty

DUTR wrote: »

Hampshire to Warwickshire is a good journey, may I ask what would be the living arrangements once the baby arrives?
Some employers do have a frowned view upon CSA cases and will quickly find a way to get rid of the employee by hook or crook.
.

Living arrangements .... I don't really understand the question. I live in Hampshire and have no plans to change that. It's not something I have given any thought too.

As for the CSA, if I go down the route of maintenance then not being able to communicate directly leave me no option but to go down that route. He closed the door on the communication so will need to accept that the CSA may need to contact his employer I guess, I don't really know how it work.

Someone else suggested that if a mutual financial agreement can't be made then the 1st wife may also find out about the baby as her payments may be changed but again I don't really know the answer.

DUTR

Little_Miss_Naughty wrote: »

Living arrangements .... I don't really understand the question. I live in Hampshire and have no plans to change that. It's not something I have given any thought too.

As for the CSA, if I go down the route of maintenance then not being able to communicate directly leave me no option but to go down that route. He closed the door on the communication so will need to accept that the CSA may need to contact his employer I guess, I don't really know how it work.

Someone else suggested that if a mutual financial agreement can't be made then the 1st wife may also find out about the baby as her payments may be changed but again I don't really know the answer.

As he is in Warks, then he may also not wish to move to a new county, the CMS (replacement for CSA) will suggest a family based agreement in the 1st instance.
It hasn't come to that yet, but please be aware that the CSA/CMS are not gender or PWC/NRP biased they work on easy wins for stats purposes, the CSA board and other sources will have testimony from PWC that have not ever recieved any payment contributions even after many years and threats from the authorities.

Little_Miss_Naughty

What's PWC / NRP?

Person_one

DUTR wrote: »

(obviously I can reach the parts other men can't :eek: )

Excuse me while I go and dry heave for a while.

DUTR

Little_Miss_Naughty wrote: »

What's PWC / NRP?

PWC = Parent with care
NRP = None resident parent

DUTR

Person_one wrote: »

Excuse me while I go and dry heave for a while.

You are excused

Kaye1

tomtontom wrote: »

I don't understand what the OP meant by the doctors had been varying the dose - you don't vary the dose of the pill.

Not true. My doctor varied my dose. I had to try a few until I found one that agreed with me. He started me on one tablet a day but after my next check up with the nurse, they changed the dose.