We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.
This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!
Pregnant, advised to talk to dad through solicitor
Comments
-
as a little side line I read once 'why men don't talk and women can't read maps' (brilliant book btw)
In it, the authors wrote that whereas women vocalises their problems they don't necessarily want someone to give them an answer but need to get it off their chest so to speak.
Men on the other hand tend to go into 'caveman' mode and retreats into the corner of their cave to think through their problems.
This may not be true of everyone but its certainly true of me and OH0 -
I see nothing even vaguely masculine about hiding behind his parents' coat-tails.gettingtheresometime wrote: »Men on the other hand tend to go into 'caveman' mode and retreats into the corner of their cave to think through their problems.Value-for-money-for-me-puhleeze!
"No man is worth, crawling on the earth"- adapted from Bob Crewe and Bob Gaudio
Hope is not a strategy
...A child is for life, not just 18 years....Don't get me started on the NHS, because you won't win...I love chaz-ing!0 -
VfM4meplse wrote: »I see nothing even vaguely masculine about hiding behind his parents' coat-tails.
Because maybe you are not male.
I had seen a similar quote in Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus.
A woman could come home moaning about how they hate it in the office, a bloke may say/think why not just look for another post/position, but the woman isn't saying they want to leave they are just saying how their day has been.
From the thread, whether the OP's ex is a rotter loser coward or whatever, the reality is right now he does not want to play happy families for any longer than he is currently doing. I don't recall anything in law suggesting that is illegal.0 -
It sounds like he did have a conversation since OP said he didn't believe she had tricked him.Little_Miss_Naughty wrote: »We were due to go away a fortnight ago but he said he wanted to see his parents and so I went on our planned and booked weekend away feeling deflated on my own.
To cut a long story short he didn't call or return my text messages.
It sounds as though he just ran away to me. Remember, he's 44 years old not 18. Is it too much to ask of him to sit down and have a reasoned discussion along the lines of, "I do not want any more children so if you decide to continue with this pregnancy you are on your own. Please do not contact me again."As for two, that would apply to BOTH.
Why are you shouting? I quite clearly said in an earlier post...It takes two to Tango and contraception was not solely your responsibility.
What's wrong with taking the belt and braces approach of condoms and contraceptive pill. In fact as a 44 year old with 2 children already if you really don't want to have children why not have a vasectomy? Why leave contraception completely in the hands of your partner when the pill can fail due to a number of reasons/factors?Are all women who end up having abortions because they didn't take precautions treated as cowards too? Those who go and do so without even telling their partner? Of course not.
Where are you getting that from? I never said nor implied that I woman having an abortion was a coward. I am pro-choice myself. In fact I even offered my reaction to the reverse scenario which you conveniently chose not to quote.If the shoe was on the other foot and the OP announced she was pregnant and then disappeared, cutting all contact and called the police after a couple of texts I would also find that cowardly. The least the ex would deserve is a conversation.Like Tomtom said, this board is extremely sexist and biased and will always remain so as much more dominated by women who only see things from their own perspective.
Despite my views on an inverted scenario I am accused of being sexist and biased.
The OP is looking for some support in what is a difficult time. If the ex posted on the board I would also offer him support and advice in what is probably a difficult time for him too. I'm not really sure why you are being so obtuse about the OP's situation.0 -
snip
The OP is looking for some support in what is a difficult time. If the ex posted on the board I would also offer him support and advice in what is probably a difficult time for him too. I'm not really sure why you are being so obtuse about the OP's situation.
I don't see how support is agreeing that he is a rotter,
I'm not sure why you are using words like obtuse just because somebody has a different viewpoint to your own?0 -
I don't see how support is agreeing that he is a rotter,
The OP has received advice such as cutting all contact, leaving the door open in case the father or grandparents want contact in the future, and one poster has been in a similar situation and offered to PM the OP. That sounds supportive to me.
It might also help the OP to know that it's not just her and that he is acting cowardly, not because he doesn't want the child but because he won't sit down and have a conversation to say so.I'm not sure why you are using words like obtuse just because somebody has a different viewpoint to your own?
It's the way FBaby has made things up like implying that I think any woman who has an abortion is a coward that I object to and find unhelpful not someone having a different viewpoint.
Abortion is a very emotive subject and whilst FBaby might have no qualms about having an abortion the OP has already said that she decided against an abortion for moral (to her) reasons.0 -
The OP has received advice such as cutting all contact, leaving the door open in case the father or grandparents want contact in the future, and one poster has been in a similar situation and offered to PM the OP. That sounds supportive to me.
It might also help the OP to know that it's not just her and that he is acting cowardly, not because he doesn't want the child but because he won't sit down and have a conversation to say so.
It's the way FBaby has made things up like implying that I think any woman who has an abortion is a coward that I object to and find unhelpful not someone having a different viewpoint.
Abortion is a very emotive subject and whilst FBaby might have no qualms about having an abortion the OP has already said that she decided against an abortion for moral (to her) reasons.
So turning the tables (and we have seen threads here in the past) if a couple had finished and She didn't want to speak or discuss anything does that make her a coward?
I don't see any difference, he does not want to and does not have to engage in any further conversation beyond what they have already had. From what I have read in the thread, he has already made his choice for now, so what else is there to discuss?0 -
DEFINITELY NOT! But I do believe they have the same rights to have nothing to do with the child they don't want in the same way than women do, especially when the pregnancy is the result of a genuine accident.
It sounds like he did have a conversation since OP said he didn't believe she had tricked him. As for two, that would apply to BOTH. Are all women who end up having abortions because they didn't take precautions treated as cowards too? Those who go and do so without even telling their partner? Of course not.
Like Tomtom said, this board is extremely sexist and biased and will always remain so as much more dominated by women who only see things from their own perspective.
I think its much, much harder for a woman to walk away from a pregnancy. Having an abortion is not an easy thing and even if it is for the best, the guilt eats away at you.
Once you start seeing and feeling the changes to you body, you start having a bond with the baby. This is way before its born and might even before you realise you're pregnant.
A man has none of this. My husband, who wanted our children, did not feel a particular bond until they were here. In fact, he was distinctly odd when I was pregnant with our third (he didn't tell anyone at work I was pregnant for example, not even personel and refused to engage in any conversation about the baby), he adored them as soon as they were born. Even our third.
So I don't think women have better rights over the unborn baby than the man as its much harder to get away from it. You can't just travel 3 hours away and move back in with your parents like the OP's partner here. You can't do it as the baby comes with you. I can't describe the overwhelming trapped feeling.
If you don't want a baby, then use contraception. Both the man and the woman should use it. That way both are to blame if there's an accident (and an accident is much less likely).0 -
It dosent matter whether the father wanted the child or not, the baby is on the way, it is not the fault of the child. How selfish to run away, how does he know even he wouldnt enjoy having another child. How does he know his children he had already wouldnt love a sibling. It shows a character flaw to leave the mother of your child alone and not want to know.
How does he think the child is going to feel its so bloody selfish. Poor innocent child.:footie:0 -
It dosent matter whether the father wanted the child or not, the baby is on the way, it is not the fault of the child. How selfish to run away, how does he know even he wouldnt enjoy having another child. How does he know his children he had already wouldnt love a sibling. It shows a character flaw to leave the mother of your child alone and not want to know.
How does he think the child is going to feel its so bloody selfish. Poor innocent child.
Are you saying he doesn't know how he feels right now?
It's also selfish to be expecting and expect others to pick up the majority of the financial tab. That too is a character flaw.0
This discussion has been closed.
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply
Categories
- All Categories
- 352.1K Banking & Borrowing
- 253.5K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 454.2K Spending & Discounts
- 245.1K Work, Benefits & Business
- 600.7K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 177.4K Life & Family
- 258.9K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16.2K Discuss & Feedback
- 37.6K Read-Only Boards