Pregnant, advised to talk to dad through solicitor

KRB2725

Gavin83 wrote: »

While I think it's right a father should financially support a child he didn't want I don't think he should necessarily have to be there for the child. That is the fathers choice as much as it's the mothers choice if they have it in the first place. Some might not agree but I don't think they should be forced to support the child emotionally. Would you even want a child to have contact with a father who clearly didn't want them?

I'm sure some people have a perfect view that once the child comes along the father will magically fall in love but life doesn't always work like that.

Wow. I agree that the Father shouldn't be forced to support the child emotionally, they shouldn't need to be.

If a man isn't willing to support (in every way) a child then he shouldn't be having sex, or should be taking his own precautions. If the OP's partner had worn a condom then it is highly unlikely she would have fallen pregnant, regardless of what contraception she was using.

Sometimes in life, we have to face the consequences of our actions. It's called being an adult.

whitewing

Now my son is a teenager, he mostly gets on very well with his dad. He does find his dad's indifference to me and his stepdad quite hard to deal with though, especially when it affects practical arrangements. (It obviously could be worse).

burnoutbabe

emmatthews wrote: »

If a man isn't willing to support (in every way) a child then he shouldn't be having sex, or should be taking his own precautions. If the OP's partner had worn a condom then it is highly unlikely she would have fallen pregnant, regardless of what contraception she was using.

Sometimes in life, we have to face the consequences of our actions. It's called being an adult.

Well I am not ready to support a child in every way but I have sex. But as I am a woman, i have the option of an abortion should condoms and the pill fail. So I can walk away with no consequences, whereas men don't have that option and forever have to deal with having a kid out there they didn't want to have.

For the OP, just get on with the pregnancy planning to do it alone. Let him/his parents know when baby comes. There is no court in the land who will say one text to confirm birth is harassment! Most people who split up send WAY more (drunk) texts to their ex.

FBaby

No, I don't think women are particularly 'lucky' actually! Do you think that men, en masse, would swap and happily be the ones that carry the babies and all the physical, financial and social baggage that comes with it in order to have the right to end a pregnancy they didn't want? I'd be surprised if they voted for that!

Why are you comparing the two? The right to be or not be a parent has nothing to do with the physical and baggage that comes with it. And in any case, I don't believe most women consider it a 'baggage', I feel very fortunate to have had that opportunity that men are deprived off.

The problem with allowing men the right to 'opt out' of parenthood is that the person you're depriving and causing harm to is the child. Once that exists it has a right to be supported by both parents and to know who they are.

No, they don't have that right just like aborted foetuses don't have rights either. In any case, I believe that a child is much better off without a procreator that really doesn't to be a parent.

FBaby

Do you believe that men should have the right to force a woman to have an abortion or to give up the baby for adoption? Or to father as many children as they want without paying for them?

DEFINITELY NOT! But I do believe they have the same rights to have nothing to do with the child they don't want in the same way than women do, especially when the pregnancy is the result of a genuine accident.

It's not the fact that the ex does not what the child (at this moment in time at least) that people are flaming him for. It's his cowardly behaviour. If he doesn't want to be a father he should 1) Have the decency to sit down and tell the OP this instead of running and hiding, 2) Take better precautions not to become a father.

It sounds like he did have a conversation since OP said he didn't believe she had tricked him. As for two, that would apply to BOTH. Are all women who end up having abortions because they didn't take precautions treated as cowards too? Those who go and do so without even telling their partner? Of course not.

Like Tomtom said, this board is extremely sexist and biased and will always remain so as much more dominated by women who only see things from their own perspective.

DUTR

emmatthews wrote: »

Wow. I agree that the Father shouldn't be forced to support the child emotionally, they shouldn't need to be.

If a man isn't willing to support (in every way) a child then he shouldn't be having sex, or should be taking his own precautions. If the OP's partner had worn a condom then it is highly unlikely she would have fallen pregnant, regardless of what contraception she was using.

Sometimes in life, we have to face the consequences of our actions. It's called being an adult.

So are you saying women are just sex objects and baby breeding machines?
We only have one side of the story remember, perhaps he has already had the snip :eek:

benjus

FBaby wrote: »

Like Tomtom said, this board is extremely sexist and biased and will always remain so as much more dominated by women who only see things from their own perspective.

I am not a woman. But I do believe that the man is acting in a very cowardly and irresponsible way in the scenario described here.

VfM4meplse

Didn't want to read and run, OP. I feel for you, esp with two LOs already. My only advice is to make sure he understands his responsibilities as a parent and pays for your child in full.

Gavin83 wrote: »

I'm actually surprised people are wondering why he is acting like this. He clearly thinks you've totally set him up even if that isn't true.

That is besides the point. If you can't take the consequences, you shouldn't have the fun....

BigAunty

Even if you take the unplanned baby out of the equation, the ex's actions are very immature.

A middle aged man in a relationship that hit an issue runs home to mummy and daddy, using them as a barrier between him and his partner rather than talk things through face to face.

Then, rather than see the bigger picture of things like the health of their partner or his plans to support the child and the degree of future involvement in the child's life, he then involves the police in what is basically a relationship issue.

So the police are put there as a second barrier to block communications.

And all because he's worried that his colleague's will find out his ex is pregnant and clearly because his job means more to him than anything else.

He has basically not just fled from the situation and abandoned her, but has actually set up a scenario that potentially criminalises her just through making ordinary contact.

Also, while he has used the parents as an intermediary, you do have to wonder why they didn't refuse to do his bidding and ask him to deal with his domestic problems directly rather than involve them.

DUTR

benjus wrote: »

I am not a woman. But I do believe that the man is acting in a very cowardly and irresponsible way in the scenario described here.

Only on the testimony of the OP, there are always two sides to a story.
If the lady didn't want to relish the stigma and disadvantages that come with being a single Mum, then she too may have been able to do more to prevent the forthcoming situation.
Whilst sex can be pleasurable to either party, it can also be expensive in time, lifestyle and money.