Pregnant, advised to talk to dad through solicitor

RAS

Little_Miss_Naughty wrote: »

I don't want to force anyone to play happy families. I guess what I was meaning was that I would like to discuss if he will tell his other children etc so I know to maybe expect contact in years to come.

And if he does not pay voluntary maintenance, once the CMS get involved, the mother of his children will also find out, as it is likely their maintenance will be reduced.

DKLS

Op take him to the cleaners, he is a miserable example of a male.

Also beware, I suspect the future grandparents will take a keen interest once bubs has arrived, protect yourself and remember that GDs have zero rights.

PasturesNew

Forget him and all the other stuff.

Do you want this baby? Or have you just been swept along up to this point?

No point making plans about what you could do and chasing him down, speaking to solicitors etc, if the end outcome is a miserable life and a baby you'd have never chosen to have.

Not saying you should get rid..... just saying you need to now step back and think about what you really want and what you'd have said you wanted if asked 3 months ago.

What's right for you now? For your kids? For your life?

Don't just "go along with things as you think that's what people will expect you to do" ... they're not the ones who will have to live with the upheaval and lifestyle changes over the next 20 years.

enthusiasticsaver

Your ex sounds like a real piece of work and running home to Mum and Dad at the age of 44 shows real maturity.


It sounds as if you need to be prepared to bring up this child on your own so I would not bother contacting a solicitor or the grandparents. As they obviously know how to contact you if there is a change of heart they know where to find you. As a new grandmother myself (our first little granddaughter was born yesterday ) I find both theirs and their son's actions reprehensible. It would have been better and more mature for him to have talked to you and told you face to face he does not want more children and would prefer you to have an abortion if this conception was accidental which obviously it was. Whether or not you agree with that you would have to respect his decision not to be involved but he is still liable for maintenance.


Focus now on your health, your other children and your new baby and hope all goes well for you.

GlasweJen

I would ask the police for clarification before texting the grandparents in case they say it's a way of harrassing your ex.

FBaby

Sorry but he sounds like a cowardly, selfish, childish scumbag.
He's cut you out because you're pregnant and has involved the police and accused you of harrasing him because he's scared you 'might' contact his work place? What a piece of sh1te.

How do we know. We have no idea what the circumstances are. I personally find it very odd that such a situation would come as a surprise to OP. Surely if you are in a committed relationship, you expect to discuss future children at some point, and each other's views on the matter is then shared.

I find it odd that a man in a committed relationship would react in such extremes way, so I would think there is likely more to the story then what has been shared so far.

He told me he knows this was an accident as I was having trouble with my original pill so I don't think he thinks I 'set him up'

So when you were having trouble with it, what did you agree in terms of protection? Did you discuss it?

I don't know if I should contact a solicitor to put questions like access when the baby is born to him so I know and can plan.

You might never be able to fully plan as unfortunately, he could go months/years without contact, and suddenly demand it. He of course wouldn't get it automatically, but if he could convince a judge of his good intentions and full on-wards commitment to the child, he could be granted it.

In the meantime, you have to accept that as much as you've made the choice to keep this baby despite the fact that it wasn't planned, he has a right to have nothing to do with it and not to want to be with you any longer, even if you don't understand his reasons for it. You need to move on and accept that your priority is now your future baby.

marisco_2

pinkshoes wrote: »

The father of your unborn child sounds like a nutter.

Do not contact him or his family again, and do this on your own. You really do not want people like that in your life.

The father of the OPs child sounds very immature. Nothing described makes him a nutter though. Suggesting that the OP does this on her own also doesn't take into account the child's right to know its father as it grows up.


OP I would recommend you seek the advice of a solicitor. Many offer a free first half hour consultation. Good luck.

Little_Miss_Naughty

Thank you everyone, you have been amazingly supportive and for the first time in weekA I'm not actually in tears!

The doctor always said I was 'covered' even though I wasn't getting on with the original pill.

I've never had the need to contact the CSA before and I'm sure there is an online advise but what type of information will they need to know? I don't know anything about what he earns etc?

The police told me that if I make contact with him I can be charged with harassment unless I go through a solicitor - even to announce the birth. So I am not sure how we will ever come to an amicable agreement for maintenance when I can talk to him unless he makes contact with me.

Sorry for all the questions this is all very new to me.

Mojisola

It's very early days into the pregnancy.

I wouldn't do anything at the moment. Give him time to come round to the idea.

If he hasn't made contact by the time the pregnancy is well advanced, you could see a solicitor.

I would keep a record of what's happened so far in case he or his parents try to make out that you have been bothering them excessively.

Little_Miss_Naughty

I'm not going to contact him or his parents - I can't the police said I can't. Which is what made me so angry. The police admitted I hadn't contacted him, wasn't aware his parents were trying to contact me yet I still get a warning.

I personally think he is being childish, needs to grow up and discuss this like adults but I can't force him to do that.