Pregnant, advised to talk to dad through solicitor

RAS

I suggest you do nothing at all at present.

A lot could happen before the baby is born.

Once the child is born text his parents to tell them and ask if they want contact. Open a CMS case as soon as the baby is born. It may be worth doing this as he will be paying for other children and the assessment will change when his older children leave secondary education.

You cannot force your ex, his parents of his children to play happy families.

thorsoak

Again, I would reiterate the fact that this man is an ex-friend. You do not have to listen to his parents - block their numbers so that they cannot contact you.

But whatever you decide, it does look as if you are on your own with this one - are your family able to give you moral support/practical help?

Little_Miss_Naughty

I don't want to force anyone to play happy families. I guess what I was meaning was that I would like to discuss if he will tell his other children etc so I know to maybe expect contact in years to come.

Am I expecting to much to want to know if this can be done amicably or if it's going to end up being through agencies etc for maintenance.

Is it worth asking for maintenance even if he doesn't see the baby?

pmlindyloo

A horrible thing to happen and I know your need to find out what is going to happen in the future is strong.

You may find if you 'back off' for while then things might change. Just give the man some 'space'. It is still early days. Stop all contact with him and his parents. He knows how to contact you. Please don't do any facebooking/texting etc about him (no matter how tempting - you just set yourself up for future hassle. For anyone asking just say 'we are still sorting things out' - end of.

I am noway condoning his behaviour - personally I think it is shabby to say the least but you need to concentrate on you and your baby's welfare at the moment.

When a couple of months have passed and if you haven't heard anything then you can write an old fashioned letter saying what you feel/what you would like to happen etc etc.

This will be so hard for you I know but is honestly the best way at the moment.

daisy333

Try to focus on yourself and your children for now and during the pregnancy... try to get family and friends round you to step into the support role during your pregnancy...

I know you want to know whats going to happen, how its going to work, how your baby will know their siblings, meeting and knowing their dad, but you can't sort everything out now while things are confusing and everyone is in shock or emotional...

There are going to be 100s of opportunities for your babys life to get to know their dad, grandparents, half siblings... I am sure they will come round but atm taking care or yourself and kids its priority number one.

Try leaving it a month or closer to the birth and then try re-opening communication lines with the grand parents or ex... Sadly if they really don't want to be involved then pursue child support whatever happens and hope one day they will either come round or if they don't the baby is better off without them..

AndyBSG

Little_Miss_Naughty wrote: »

Is it worth asking for maintenance even if he doesn't see the baby?

Whether he chooses to be involved in the childs life or not is irrelevant, he has a legal obligation to provide for the child regardless.

as others have said, the best course of action is a simple message to his parents confirming you are keeping the baby and if they want to be involved they can be.

No more messages to the ex until the baby is born when you simply text him that the baby has been born.

File a maintenance claim as soon as the baby is born.

Other than that no more contact with him. His behavior has been completely unacceptable but he may well be in shock and once he's had a few weeks things may change but for now prepare for your pregnancy as though he doesn't he exist.

Little_Miss_Naughty

Thank you all for taking time out for your busy days to offer advise to a complete stranger. This forum is amazing and has some wonderful people on it.

Pixie5740

Yes he might be confused and angry but I agree with others, his behaviour is cowardly. It's not unreasonable for you to expect answers from him and him going to the police about "harassment" was uncalled for but you are where you are.

It takes two to Tango and contraception was not solely your responsibility.

Don't contact him. Don't contact his parents. I'm not sure I would even text either party when the baby is born. I'd announce the arrival of the child through a solicitor and leave the door open for access with the father and the grandparents should they wish to have it, then get on to the CSA.

You never know, he might stop acting like a !!!! and come round but for now just focus on yourself, your pregnancy and your children.

Guest101

What an absolute ....


OP it's unfortunate, but take solace that you found out now, he was always going to run.


You can now concentrate on your kids.


Its worth taking maintenance as your child has the right to be supported by both parents - even if his father doesn't have any contact.

Mupette

fairy_lights wrote: »

Sorry but he sounds like a cowardly, selfish, childish scumbag.
He's cut you out because you're pregnant and has involved the police and accused you of harrasing him because he's scared you 'might' contact his work place? What a piece of sh1te.

Well his work will know if she claims CSA and he ignores it, they'll take it from his wages