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In a quandary with husband's work issue. Warning long post.
Comments
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Op, for the sake of your sanity - don't rise to the bait! When your husband starts on about Christmas etc just calmly shrug it off and say "Whatever you say, dear!" He isn't listening to your point of view in any case, so don't waste your energy.
If you don't keep stoking the fire by arguing with him, there is more chance that the fire will go out. And in the meantime quietly go ahead and make arrangements to be doing something else on Christmas Day, so that if he does go sick he's not rewarded by having the big family Christmas when he should be at work.[0 -
OP's husband doesn't seem stressed at work, she reports that his work is a bit of a "doddle"
Being bored at work for a person who likes to be challenged can be much worse than being stressed. I had this 'perfect' position and at first, I told myself how lucky I was, but day after day, it ate me inside. I was so mentally bored, counting each hour, each day, I started to become depressed. I gave up that job to go into the exact opposite which left me exhausted and stressed, but between the two, I go for the second any day. So if that is the case for OP's OH, I can totally understand his frustration.0 -
Being bored at work for a person who likes to be challenged can be much worse than being stressed. I had this 'perfect' position and at first, I told myself how lucky I was, but day after day, it ate me inside. I was so mentally bored, counting each hour, each day, I started to become depressed. I gave up that job to go into the exact opposite which left me exhausted and stressed, but between the two, I go for the second any day. So if that is the case for OP's OH, I can totally understand his frustration.
That is very true Fbaby. I think this is exactly what it is; sometimes he is OK with his job and sometimes he isn't. He thinks he is too old for anything to change now, and to be honest, despite some people’s attitudes that anything is possible and anyone can change their career in middle age, I think he is probably right. Although it is possible, it is quite hard, and you have to be very determined, and very lucky, and hope someone will employ you over and above younger people who they usually take on.
I know a few people who did university degrees at 40-45, one was a psychology degree, and the only work she has been able to get is as a carer; where she has people next to her doing the same job, for the same pay (sometimes more,) who don't have a GCSE to their name.
Anyway, regarding DH and him wanting Christmas off; it's all turned out OK...
I was a little annoyed at his attitude in general, assuming he should always have Christmas off, and I kept drumming into him that although I felt very sorry for him, he was in a job at a place that is open 365 days a year. Also, he has had the last 12 Christmases off, so he was being unreasonable demanding it off, and it is a ridiculous idea to throw a sickie. He sulked for 3 days and didn't mention it, and then he said 'OK I won't ring in sick; I suppose I will have to do it, but it's so unfair I have to work both Christmas AND New Year!'
I said 'thank goodness... !'
I actually remember the husband of a friend of mine who went sick when they wouldn't let him have time off - (I think it was for the World Cup or something!) So he got written off with 'depression' for 4 weeks! (People like him make it very hard for genuine sufferers!) Anyway, when he rang up before he was due back, and said 'I will be back Monday,' his boss said 'actually the company doctor wants to assess you first to decide if you can come back yet!'
So they took away his power, and decided that THEY would decide when he would come back. So they made him stay off, and he had to go and see someone, and explain how he had suddenly recovered from depression just as the tournament was finishing. They couldn't call the other doctor a liar, and had no grounds to sack him, but when they were making lay-offs 6 months later, he was the first to go.
Anyway, as for my DH, he has seven or eight days leave left, so he went his manager to ask if he could book some days off before Christmas, so he was off from around 10th to 22nd December. So he could at least have a couple of weeks with his family around Christmas, and go for a Christmas meal together, and go to the German markets in Birmingham and do some Christmas shopping and stuff.
He said 'could I please have it, seeing as how I am working Christmas AND New Year?' And she said 'ARE you???' She looked surprised... She said 'well I wouldn't expect anyone to work both.' He said 'but you said if people are rostered on they have to work it,' and she said 'only if it's Christmas, as so many people let us down last year, so I am refusing leave over the Christmas week, but no, you don't have to work Christmas and New Year!'
After all that fuss, it seems she wasn't expecting him to work Christmas and New Year after all! :rotfl:
So she let him have the leave in mid December, and now he is off from the 10th to 22nd, and she has arranged cover for him so he can have New Year's Eve off, AND New Year's day! :j So we can all go to the New Year's Eve fancy Dress party at the pub down the road now! :j
So he still has to work Christmas (23rd, 24th, 25th, and 26th,) but he has accepted this now, and we said we'll have Christmas dinner and open all the pressies on the 27th, when he has finished. After he finishes after the night of the 26th, he is off til the 2nd Jan! AND he has those 12 days in December too. So he actually quite happy now.
And he does nights, so he can get up early afternoon over Christmas, and spend the afternoon with us (and evening.) It's not like he is away for those 4 days... He doesn't go to work til half nine anyway, and some nights he goes to bed at 10, so he isn't losing out on much. He cannot drink but apart from that, he isn't missing out on much.. I said I won't drink either, not when he is here. (I will wait til he goes to work ha ha ha.)
So all's well that ends well...He has almost 2 weeks off in December before Christmas, and is off from the morning of the 27th to the 2nd of Jan.
Thanks so much for listening and your honesty. It was great to offload!0 -
Glad to hear that everything has worked out for you (and hubby!)
Actually I've always enjoyed alternative Christmases more - makes it a bit more about YOU rather than what's expected iyswim.
(one year we decided we weren't going to do the traditional Christmas dinner and in the evening hubby made a really nice Chinese supper - probably took as long as a traditional dinner but everything was so much more chilled!)0 -
It's always great to updated on an issue OP, so thanks. So glad he turned round his attitude (and that you gave him the space to). This let to a great result all round.I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once0
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I do this. I get together with another member of staff and we thrash out between us, how we could split shifts. That way we both get time off, Management dnt get it in the neck for forcing people to work and shifts still get covered0
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Really pleased it worked out for the best. To be honest, I am a bit like your OH. When I get bad news that really frustrate me, I'll sulk and say totally unreasonable things. It is my way of getting rid of the frustrating feelings. Once it's all out, I usually end up doing exactly the opposite of what I said I would, but by then I feel that I am in control and that is my decision, so it's ok!
Indeed, I also find that once you've accepted things, you are much more likely to get people to support you and try to help.
A fantastic outcome in the end.0 -
Doesn't sound like such a bad boss after all. Perhaps she's scheduled herself off as she had to come in and work Xmas and New Year unexpectedly when staff were a no-show last year? Having to work those days without advance warning would be worse than being scheduled to work them.Don't listen to me, I'm no expert!0
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Glad it's worked out ok. Who knows, he might find that starting his Christmas when everyone else's is over and they are back to work, might appeal to him!0
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