In a quandary with husband's work issue. Warning long post.
Options
Littlebettyboop
Posts: 68 Forumite
Sorry - this is a throwaway identity as I don't want to post under my real name.
I won't say where he works, as it may identify me or him, but my DH works for a big company on a ‘4 on, 4 off’ system, on permanent nights. They are open 24/7, 365 days a year. He has been there about 12 years. If he is rostered on over Christmas (say 23, 24, 25, 26 Dec) he will try and book it off, so he will be off from the morning of 19th December to the night of the 30th. The manager has always managed to find cover luckily. He doesn’t mind working New Year’s Eve, although he did have it off the year before last. The way his days fell, along with a few days leave booked, meant he could have Christmas ‘and’ New Year off. Quite rare but we enjoyed it. We had not been out on New Year’s Eve for 20 years. He has worked 9 NYE’s out of the last 10 , and before that the kids were too young to go out on NYE, and we couldn’t leave them. They are both at uni now.
Anyway, I digress. DH likes Christmas off as he loves Christmas, and also his mother died Boxing Day, (although it was 1999.) So he wants to have it off because of this also. Well, the upshot is that last Christmas, a few people booked Christmas off, and the ones doing their shifts let them down. So the manager has said ‘No Christmas Leave’ any more for anyone. If you are rostered on, you will work it. Even if you are rostered on for Christmas day and Boxing day AND New year’s eve and New Year’s Day, you will work it.’ The people who aren’t rostered on don’t have to work, and can get it all off! Their logic is that next year things will switch, and the people who are at work this Christmas will probably get it off next year.
Well last year DH’s shifts fell with him getting Christmas and New Year off and they made him swap a couple of days, so he did not get both off as they said ‘it’s unfair on others.’ Yet this year, he is rostered on all over Christmas AND New Year and the manager refuses to let him book any off. Yet she and her buddies (the 2 supervisors) seem to conveniently be off virtually from Christmas Eve to 2nd January. The day shifts vary a bit, (they have their shifts planned on a rota, 8 weeks in advance, so they can arrange their shifts to conveniently get Christmas AND New Year off!) The nights always do 4 on 4 off, so the days are set in stone all year virtually.
It’s quite infuriating. He has worked all through the summer holidays, while loads of people have been off, carrying people’s extra workloads, and some employees have had 3 weeks in a row off in the summer. Also he works all through Easter too, and all the Bank Holidays. And he works sometimes 3 or 4 days a month overtime. He doesn’t ask for much, just Christmas off, and says he will even work New Year. But she will not budge.
What is bugging me is that he now intends to just deliberately phone in sick. For the first 4 day week to get Christmas off, and then the second 4 day week to get New Year off. For one thing, I am worried sick he will get a disciplinary or warning, (as his manager knows he wants it off,) and another thing; he will lose around £600 in wages... Maybe more as a few days are double time! He says he will feign a bad back. But like I said to him ‘you will need a doctor’s note to have that much time off. It’s virtually 2 weeks!’ And you can bet he won’t get paid! We are not in debt or anything, but are not rich by any means. A £600 loss is a LOT.
I have said 'if you must ring in sick, just work the nights of the 23rd and 24th and then ring in sick on the 25th and 26th, say you have a tummy bug or something. You can get up around midday on Christmas day and we can all celebrate together then, and you will be off til 31st December...' (Our son and daughter don't get up til about 11 or 12 anyway some days when they're at home!) 'And then go in New Year, as you were willing to do that if she had allowed you to book Christmas off., and at least this way you will get 6 full days off; many people don't!' But he said 'No, I am having it all off now, seeing as she is such a b-tch, and refused me altogether: I will leave her in the mire, with a staff member down; the silly cow will have to cover herself then probably; and it serves her right!'
In my job, we shut down for 2 weeks at Christmas and New Year, and we don’t work weekends, and he does resent it. I mean I don’t think he resents me, he just wishes he could have the same time off. I swear sometimes if he could retire now he would (he is 48.) He doesn’t love his job and only goes because it’s fairly good pay and a bit of a doddle to be frank; it’s just boring. He is bitterly jealous of our neighbour who just retired at 52 and never has to work again. ‘I will be working til 70’ he moans ‘if I haven’t dropped dead by then!’
I have told him time and again that if his job bugs him so much, to find something else. All he says is ‘Where am I supposed to go? There are barely any full time permanent jobs, and none that pay so well' Also 'what else am I going to find that pays £8.50 an hour, plus shift allowance?’ (£300 a week or more net pay.)
Anyway, back to the point; I do feel for him, as he does work all the other holidays (as I said), and he does like to be with his family at Christmas, and as our 2 kids are at uni, he doesn’t see them that often, especially as he worked all through summer, and hardly saw them. (We didn’t go anywhere, and he hasn’t had any ‘holiday leave’ since April!) Last Christmas he didn’t see them a lot, and he was hoping to get Christmas off. But the manager is not budging and refuses him Christmas and also New Year which is really unfair IMO.
But he just can’t have 2 flipping weeks off ‘sick.’ It’s crazy. He will lose 2 weeks pay AND get into trouble. This is stressing me out and I will not enjoy Christmas at all, knowing how much money he is losing. I won’t want to spend anything! And I certainly won’t go out New Year’s Eve spending sixty odd quid like we did the year before last. So what is the point in him being off?! Also, I am worried about the repercussions of him ringing in sick for 2 weeks, and the trouble he will be in. But I also know if he has to work it, that Christmas will still be ruined, because he will resent having to work it. I like to have him home at Christmas of course, but will not - and cannot - support him ringing in sick for 2 weeks and losing the family some £600 plus in income. I mean, it's not even like his kids are really little; they are 19 and 20! And also, he has managed to get Christmas off every year until now for the last 12 years!
When I have expressed my dismay, he says ‘I deserve the time off, I am entitled to it, I am having it. It’s OK for you, you can have Christmas and New Year off - I can’t!’ In addition he says he is entitled to Christmas off as his mother died Boxing Day 16 years ago! Tragic at the time, but it was 16 years ago FGS! My mother died 3 weeks after my father around Easter just 2 years after his mother died, but I don’t insist on having every Easter off! He won’t see how illogical his idea is. And like I said, even though he hates working weekends and Christmas, and doesn’t love his job; he can’t be bothered to look for something new; so I have little sympathy for him.
How can I deal with this?
Thanks so much in advance.
I won't say where he works, as it may identify me or him, but my DH works for a big company on a ‘4 on, 4 off’ system, on permanent nights. They are open 24/7, 365 days a year. He has been there about 12 years. If he is rostered on over Christmas (say 23, 24, 25, 26 Dec) he will try and book it off, so he will be off from the morning of 19th December to the night of the 30th. The manager has always managed to find cover luckily. He doesn’t mind working New Year’s Eve, although he did have it off the year before last. The way his days fell, along with a few days leave booked, meant he could have Christmas ‘and’ New Year off. Quite rare but we enjoyed it. We had not been out on New Year’s Eve for 20 years. He has worked 9 NYE’s out of the last 10 , and before that the kids were too young to go out on NYE, and we couldn’t leave them. They are both at uni now.
Anyway, I digress. DH likes Christmas off as he loves Christmas, and also his mother died Boxing Day, (although it was 1999.) So he wants to have it off because of this also. Well, the upshot is that last Christmas, a few people booked Christmas off, and the ones doing their shifts let them down. So the manager has said ‘No Christmas Leave’ any more for anyone. If you are rostered on, you will work it. Even if you are rostered on for Christmas day and Boxing day AND New year’s eve and New Year’s Day, you will work it.’ The people who aren’t rostered on don’t have to work, and can get it all off! Their logic is that next year things will switch, and the people who are at work this Christmas will probably get it off next year.
Well last year DH’s shifts fell with him getting Christmas and New Year off and they made him swap a couple of days, so he did not get both off as they said ‘it’s unfair on others.’ Yet this year, he is rostered on all over Christmas AND New Year and the manager refuses to let him book any off. Yet she and her buddies (the 2 supervisors) seem to conveniently be off virtually from Christmas Eve to 2nd January. The day shifts vary a bit, (they have their shifts planned on a rota, 8 weeks in advance, so they can arrange their shifts to conveniently get Christmas AND New Year off!) The nights always do 4 on 4 off, so the days are set in stone all year virtually.
It’s quite infuriating. He has worked all through the summer holidays, while loads of people have been off, carrying people’s extra workloads, and some employees have had 3 weeks in a row off in the summer. Also he works all through Easter too, and all the Bank Holidays. And he works sometimes 3 or 4 days a month overtime. He doesn’t ask for much, just Christmas off, and says he will even work New Year. But she will not budge.
What is bugging me is that he now intends to just deliberately phone in sick. For the first 4 day week to get Christmas off, and then the second 4 day week to get New Year off. For one thing, I am worried sick he will get a disciplinary or warning, (as his manager knows he wants it off,) and another thing; he will lose around £600 in wages... Maybe more as a few days are double time! He says he will feign a bad back. But like I said to him ‘you will need a doctor’s note to have that much time off. It’s virtually 2 weeks!’ And you can bet he won’t get paid! We are not in debt or anything, but are not rich by any means. A £600 loss is a LOT.
I have said 'if you must ring in sick, just work the nights of the 23rd and 24th and then ring in sick on the 25th and 26th, say you have a tummy bug or something. You can get up around midday on Christmas day and we can all celebrate together then, and you will be off til 31st December...' (Our son and daughter don't get up til about 11 or 12 anyway some days when they're at home!) 'And then go in New Year, as you were willing to do that if she had allowed you to book Christmas off., and at least this way you will get 6 full days off; many people don't!' But he said 'No, I am having it all off now, seeing as she is such a b-tch, and refused me altogether: I will leave her in the mire, with a staff member down; the silly cow will have to cover herself then probably; and it serves her right!'
In my job, we shut down for 2 weeks at Christmas and New Year, and we don’t work weekends, and he does resent it. I mean I don’t think he resents me, he just wishes he could have the same time off. I swear sometimes if he could retire now he would (he is 48.) He doesn’t love his job and only goes because it’s fairly good pay and a bit of a doddle to be frank; it’s just boring. He is bitterly jealous of our neighbour who just retired at 52 and never has to work again. ‘I will be working til 70’ he moans ‘if I haven’t dropped dead by then!’
I have told him time and again that if his job bugs him so much, to find something else. All he says is ‘Where am I supposed to go? There are barely any full time permanent jobs, and none that pay so well' Also 'what else am I going to find that pays £8.50 an hour, plus shift allowance?’ (£300 a week or more net pay.)
Anyway, back to the point; I do feel for him, as he does work all the other holidays (as I said), and he does like to be with his family at Christmas, and as our 2 kids are at uni, he doesn’t see them that often, especially as he worked all through summer, and hardly saw them. (We didn’t go anywhere, and he hasn’t had any ‘holiday leave’ since April!) Last Christmas he didn’t see them a lot, and he was hoping to get Christmas off. But the manager is not budging and refuses him Christmas and also New Year which is really unfair IMO.
But he just can’t have 2 flipping weeks off ‘sick.’ It’s crazy. He will lose 2 weeks pay AND get into trouble. This is stressing me out and I will not enjoy Christmas at all, knowing how much money he is losing. I won’t want to spend anything! And I certainly won’t go out New Year’s Eve spending sixty odd quid like we did the year before last. So what is the point in him being off?! Also, I am worried about the repercussions of him ringing in sick for 2 weeks, and the trouble he will be in. But I also know if he has to work it, that Christmas will still be ruined, because he will resent having to work it. I like to have him home at Christmas of course, but will not - and cannot - support him ringing in sick for 2 weeks and losing the family some £600 plus in income. I mean, it's not even like his kids are really little; they are 19 and 20! And also, he has managed to get Christmas off every year until now for the last 12 years!
When I have expressed my dismay, he says ‘I deserve the time off, I am entitled to it, I am having it. It’s OK for you, you can have Christmas and New Year off - I can’t!’ In addition he says he is entitled to Christmas off as his mother died Boxing Day 16 years ago! Tragic at the time, but it was 16 years ago FGS! My mother died 3 weeks after my father around Easter just 2 years after his mother died, but I don’t insist on having every Easter off! He won’t see how illogical his idea is. And like I said, even though he hates working weekends and Christmas, and doesn’t love his job; he can’t be bothered to look for something new; so I have little sympathy for him.
How can I deal with this?
Thanks so much in advance.
0
Comments
-
Littlebettyboop wrote: »Well, the upshot is that last Christmas, a few people booked Christmas off, and the ones doing their shifts let them down.
Does he have an idea what happened to the people who let the company down last time?But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,Had the whole of their cash in his care.
Lewis Carroll0 -
If he's rostered to work 23rd, 24th, 25th and 26th december, and your kids are home for several weeks, couldn't you 'move' christmas to the 27th and have Christmas dinner, present opening etc when he finally gets a day off?
To be honest your husband's attitude to the whole thing sounds very entitled and I'd be pretty fed up with it if I were you. It sounds like he's been very lucky so far to always get Christmas off but in a workplace that is open 365 days a year he can't expect to never have to work it. Calling his manager a b*tch and a silly cow because he happens to be rota-d to work days he wants off is a terrible attitude to have and if he does throw a massive sickie over Christmas and new year I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't have a job to go back to next year.0 -
theoretica wrote: »Does he have an idea what happened to the people who let the company down last time?
Well, they weren't originally their shifts; they were covering for someone else, so nothing happened to them. They just claimed they forgot. And the people who were off (who should have worked but had someone to cover their shifts,,) had gone away and were uncontactable; but they didn't get into trouble because they genuinely thought someone was covering them.
The Manager had to come in and cover on her time off, and was furious, and that is why she says 'no more booking time off; if you are rostered on, you will work.' But she books Christmas and New year off herself.0 -
Littlebettyboop wrote: »even though he hates working weekends and Christmas, and doesn’t love his job; he can’t be bothered to look for something new; so I have little sympathy for him.
How can I deal with this?
Thanks so much in advance.
Not much. Just answer back "if you don't like it then find something else" and leave it at that.
Personally I wouldn't mention the lack of money. You'll just have to work around that.
If he calls in sick and he is not actually sick, celebrating Christmas instead he could find himself out of a job so I'd start by cutting back on all of your expenses now ready for this possible eventuality.
I know having no money coming in will be stressful for you but you can really live on very little and if he's really that stressed in the role maybe he'll be better off not working there any more but he also can't have the family complaining there's no money or it'll make the stress worse. You'll have to help support him find another job.:footie:
Regular savers earn 6% interest (HSBC, First Direct, M&S) Loans cost 2.9% per year (Nationwide) = FREE money. 0 -
fairy_lights wrote: »If he's rostered to work 23rd, 24th, 25th and 26th december, and your kids are home for several weeks, couldn't you 'move' christmas to the 27th and have Christmas dinner, present opening etc when he finally gets a day off?
To be honest your husband's attitude to the whole thing sounds very entitled and I'd be pretty fed up with it if I were you. It sounds like he's been very lucky so far to always get Christmas off but in a workplace that is open 365 days a year he can't expect to never have to work it. Calling his manager a b*tch and a silly cow because he happens to be rota-d to work days he wants off is a terrible attitude to have and if he does throw a massive sickie over Christmas and new year I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't have a job to go back to next year.
Pretty much my sentiments LOL. As I said I do feel for him , as he does work a lot when others don't; summer hols, Easter, bank holidays etc, but as you say, he can't always not work Christmas, in a place open 365 days a year. He is annoying me with this, and as I said, although I think he should be allowed Christmas or New year's eve off (as he wasn't allowed both off last year, even though his rota fell with him being off,) he can't just ring in sick for a fortnight! His manager should meet him half way, but she won't. So she is being awkward and unhelpful, but yes, his attitude stinks.0 -
I'm sorry, this will sound harsh, but if your husband has been in a job for 12 years where somebody has to work over Christmas, and this is the first time it's been him, then he should count himself lucky and get on with it!
Where I work we have the 'work one year, off the next' system and it seems fair to me. Everybody deserves their turn at getting the best days off, your OH doesn't have a god-given right to those days off.
It sounds to me like he should look for a new job, with weekends and bank holidays off as standard. Why has he not done that already?0 -
Not much. Just answer back "if you don't like it then find something else" and leave it at that.
Personally I wouldn't mention the lack of money. You'll just have to work around that.
If he calls in sick and he is not actually sick, celebrating Christmas instead he could find himself out of a job so I'd start by cutting back on all of your expenses now ready for this possible eventuality.
I know having no money coming in will be stressful for you but you can really live on very little and if he's really that stressed in the role maybe he'll be better off not working there any more but he also can't have the family complaining there's no money or it'll make the stress worse. You'll have to help support him find another job.
But I have tried to help him. I have found courses for him to retrain, I have found jobs for him, and I have sent for application forms for him, but he flat out will not make an effort himself. You can take a horse to water, but you can't make him drink it! And as for giving up work because he is 'stressed in his role.' Er no. We are all stressed at work, shall we all give up our job? Basically, he is just bummed out because he can't get Christmas off!0 -
As the OP states there's no work available paying £8.50/hour plus generous shift allowances.Person_one wrote: »It sounds to me like he should look for a new job, with weekends and bank holidays off as standard. Why has he not done that already?
OP, if he found work at £7.50-£8.00 an hour working day shifts only with no shift allowances could your expenses be reduced to handle the lower income? Maybe mention to him (if it's possible of course) that he isn't required to bring in as much now the children have left home.Littlebettyboop wrote: »But I have tried to help him. I have found courses for him to retrain, I have found jobs for him, and I have sent for application forms for him, but he flat out will not make an effort himself. You can take a horse to water, but you can't make him drink it! And as for giving up work because he is 'stressed in his role.' Er no. We are all stressed at work, shall we all give up our job? Basically, he is just bummed out because he can't get Christmas off!
I was always stressed in work and giving up my job 15 years ago was the best decision I ever made. I'll never take another job in my life...and I'm only 40. I still work but 100% on my own terms and not that of a manager. The people that pay me now are my clients/customers.:footie: Regular savers earn 6% interest (HSBC, First Direct, M&S) Loans cost 2.9% per year (Nationwide) = FREE money. 0 -
Person_one wrote: »I'm sorry, this will sound harsh, but if your husband has been in a job for 12 years where somebody has to work over Christmas, and this is the first time it's been him, then he should count himself lucky and get on with it!
Where I work we have the 'work one year, off the next' system and it seems fair to me. Everybody deserves their turn at getting the best days off, your OH doesn't have a god-given right to those days off.
It sounds to me like he should look for a new job, with weekends and bank holidays off as standard. Why has he not done that already?
Thanks.
Doesn't sound harsh at all! And I agree with what you say. I think part of his resentment for working it, is that I don't have to. I am often off from 22nd December to 4th January. Bugs him I know, but it's not my fault.
I really cannot fathom why he will NOT look for another job. It's very frustrating. He does complain about his job sometimes... he doesn't hate it and likes it at times, but he doesn't love it. He has this 'better the devil you know' attitude, but then gripes at having to work 1 Christmas in 12 LOL.
Seriously I am quite worried, and don't know how to deal with this... He simply cannot ring in sick for 2 weeks.
Could he get the sack?
He says 'how can they sack me? They can't PROVE I am not ill.'
0 -
Littlebettyboop wrote: »Thanks. Doesn't sound harsh at all! And I agree with what you say. I think part of his resentment for working it, is that I don't have to. I am often off from 22nd December to 4th January. Bugs him I know, but it's not my fault.
I really cannot fathom why he will NOT look for another job. It's very frustrating. He does complain about his job sometimes... he doesn't hate it and likes it at times, but he doesn't love it. He has this 'better the devil you know' attitude, but then gripes at having to work 1 Christmas in 12 LOL.
Seriously I am quite worried, and don't know how to deal with this... He simply cannot ring in sick for 2 weeks.
Could he get the sack?
He says 'how can they sack me? They can't PROVE I am not ill.'
If they catch him out quick enough they can ask him to visit a doctor at their expense and if the doctor says he's fit to work and he still doesn't go into work then he can be sacked for gross misconduct.:footie: Regular savers earn 6% interest (HSBC, First Direct, M&S) Loans cost 2.9% per year (Nationwide) = FREE money. 0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 343.7K Banking & Borrowing
- 250.2K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 449.9K Spending & Discounts
- 235.8K Work, Benefits & Business
- 608.9K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 173.3K Life & Family
- 248.4K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 15.9K Discuss & Feedback
- 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards