We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.

This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.

📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!

In a quandary with husband's work issue. Warning long post.

123457

Comments

  • It does sound like your OH has a fairly cushy job on a great rota system. 4 on 4 off is a fabulous lifestyle as opposed to 5 on and the usual 2 day weekend. He does have it better than many and he needs to remind himself of it - and the fact that although it is a traditional holiday, many are working through it

    Not necessarily. I know a few people who do 4-on 4-off, and it is always 10 hour or 12 hour shifts. They work an average 40 to 44 hours a week, so as much, if not more than many other jobs. It may seem like a 'fabulous lifestyle' to you, but it most definitely isn't. And it means that you often work weekends, and sometimes bank holidays, and Christmas.

    It's not as 'cushy' as it sounds, as many of these jobs are monotonous, fast paced, and physical jobs. (Often factory jobs.) Not sure what the OP's husband does, but I am guessing it probably isn't a soft sit-down job, where you can pop off for fag breaks, and sit and have a coffee and a chinwag, and surf the internet whenever you wish. I know many 9 to 5 jobs that are 5-on 2-off, that are like this! So if you want to talk about 'cushy' jobs, you need to look more at the 5-on, 2-off jobs!

    Arthog wrote: »
    I think the management are considerably at fault here. There are so many possible ways of arranging cover for this major festival. Have they realistically assessed what cover is needed? What about volunteers to work- not everyone is wild about Christmas! What about separating Christmas and New Year? What about working half shifts, or rearranging the start times etc at that time?

    Can your OH and workmates have a meeting and make suggestions about the holiday? It is a long way off!

    I have to agree with this. And I don't understand why the vast majority of posters are failing to address this one salient piece of information; the fact that his manager and her 2 friends have rostered themselves off for the whole of Christmas, right through to after New year's day. This appears to be one reason why the OP's husband is rankled.

    This is actually pretty bad, and unfair. This kind of thing always happened in the last place that I worked; the managers and supervisors doing themselves and each other huge favours. They made sure they all got important dates off, the managers awarded their friends better pay rises, and when head office and other companies sent freebies in, they would go to the managers and their friends.

    EG; Head Office would send £250 worth of vouchers for a certain high street chain, to distribute to the lower staff members if they did well/worked hard/did lots of overtime etc;, they were meant to give them a tenner's worth here, twenty quid's worth there, but 5 of them shared them and pocketed fifty pounds each. I worked in the little office there, and was behind the stationary cabinet and saw them do it. It's things like this that make me glad I don't have to work anymore.

    All this said, I do think that the OP's husband needs to suck this one up, as he has had many Christmases off. He is in a job where they are open every day of the year, so it's feasible that he is going to have to work Christmas now and again.

    If he rings in sick for 2 weeks, other people will have to cover; people who do have young children at home, not a son and daughter who are grown. And using the excuse that his mum died in the mid 90s is a bit pathetic sorry. Also, he will definitely be trouble for it, and as someone said further back in the thread; why would he risk his family's welfare and financial security for the sake of having to work Christmas once in eleven or twelve years?!

    Ringing in sick for 2 weeks is a disaster of an idea. If he is utterly adamant that he gets Christmas with his family, maybe he could just ring in for the last 2 days of his 4 days in (so the nights of the 25th and 26th) like the OP suggested to him as an option rather than ringing in sick for 2 weeks. That way, it will only be 2 days sick time off, and there isn't a fat lot the manager can do about just 2 days. Then as she said, at least he will be off from Christmas morning to New Years eve. It would actually serve the manager right if she had to cover it, that would teach her to give herself and her friends a whole 9 or 10 days off all over Christmas and New year. JMO.

    That said, even that is a bit risky, as he could still get pulled up about it, as they knew he wanted it off. I think on this occasion, he needs to suck it up and work it for once.
    FBaby wrote: »
    Your husband clearly doesn't like his job and as a result, he can't help but feel envious of your situation. If indeed it is the case that you have it better than him, then it would probably help him if you showed that you acknowledge that you have it better than him and that you do sympathise with the situation.

    Yes I agree that he is envious of the OP. If she was working Christmas, would he care that he was? Probably not. Upshot is, if he is so bummed out at working Christmas now and again, he needs to get a job where he doesn't have to, otherwise quit whining and suck it up!
    Proud to have lost over 3 stone (45 pounds,) in the past year! :j Now a size 14!


    You're not singing anymore........ You're not singing any-more! :D
  • System
    System Posts: 178,367 Community Admin
    10,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    I'm lucky in that where I work, we have a choice of working xmas or new year. There's always people who prefer to work xmas as they want new year off and there's ones like me who prefer to work new year and have xmas off (if I didnt I wouldn't see anyone on Xmas day and would be on my own). Some people works. Mixture of both. However we're also not allowed any holiday in December or first two weeks of January so nobody can book Xmas/new year off which I think is fairer.

    Whilst I don't agree with OPs partners mangers booking the whole period off, I also can't agree with him calling in sick, it will most likely end badly for him and as he has had previous years off I think working this year is just something he'll have to bite the bullet and do.
    This is a system account and does not represent a real person. To contact the Forum Team email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
  • Honestly OP I think you are getting yourself into too much of a tizzy about this and accidentally feeding your husbands temper. From his POV you have all of Christmas off and couldn't possibly understand. In your shoes I wouldn't be inclined to discuss it any more. It's only the start of September and a lot can change between now and Xmas. He needs to settle his head about this. My DH can be very stubborn and if he's in the wrong even more so. So my tactic tends to be to say very calmly 'well you know how I feel but it has to be your call in the end'. Which gives him back the power but doesn't let him off the hook. I try not to engage beyond that except if he asks a genuine question to say 'well the consequence of you having to go work in (name unacceptable company) would worry me but maybe you're ready for a change' and be very cool. At the end of the day you can't control what he does. Stepping back and giving him time to think it through for himself and making it clear that he carries the can for any consequences is the main thing.

    My big worry would be that if people took the mick last year they will come down like a ton of bricks this year.

    And if I were him I'd be negotiating to have NEXT Christmas off. It's so far ahead no one will care. Or negotiate to have a general agreement amongst all staff to be rotad on one and off one. This might be an acceptable climb down position for him once he cools off!

    For you for now though. A glass of whatever you like and a deep out breath to let it go.
  • FBaby
    FBaby Posts: 18,374 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Yes I agree that he is envious of the OP. If she was working Christmas, would he care that he was? Probably not. Upshot is, if he is so bummed out at working Christmas now and again, he needs to get a job where he doesn't have to, otherwise quit whining and suck it up!

    Well yes and no....if the money is good, as well as other factors, then it is not always easy to just go for another job. Would OP be overly supportive if he did that and went for half the salary? Or if she had to increase her hours to make up the difference?

    Saying that, if he is so miserable, he should at least be looking.
  • orlao
    orlao Posts: 1,090 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    OP

    There is no doubt that your husband is being a twit and throwing the mother of all strops but I do have a tiny inkling of sympathy for him.

    It is a horrible feeling that you have put yourself out all year to help and the one little request you've made is dismissed with no acknowledgement of your extra effort in the past. Especially since the goalposts have been moved quite a bit re working one or the other.The thing is that if you are always the one that steps up and helps out, you are taken for granted.

    What I have done in similar situations is stop the filling in and helping out - and say quite openly why you are doing so. Not in a petulant way, just that you don't have mug tattooed on your forehead. A reminder that favours work both ways. No, it won't go down terribly well with the managers but hey it's satisfying :rotfl:

    IIWY I'd abandon the subject with him until at least mid December. No decision has to be made before the 23rd December... and it gives him a chance to save face and let the subject drop. He'll probably have calmed down long before then and talking about it now while it's raw is just fueling his (unreasonable) fury, feeling like he's been got at by you as well as his managers and only increasing the teenage tantrum.

    Funnily enough, we've been sorting out time off over Christmas at work this week and had a similar situation - one longstanding member of staff having a hissy fit that they can't have their usual time off despite not travelling to family this year as they have a big holiday booked in January and somebody who has covered all the other years requesting the time off. Gobby said they'd quit if they didn't get it. I asked what date would they like to consider as their final day? And I mean it too - as they know. Not one of us is indispensable and more importantly, not one of us is more worthy than anyone else of special treatment. Just because his manager is rubbish is no reason to take it out on his colleagues who would have to cover his shifts, is it?
  • BigAunty
    BigAunty Posts: 8,310 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    orlao wrote: »

    Funnily enough, we've been sorting out time off over Christmas at work this week and had a similar situation - one longstanding member of staff having a hissy fit that they can't have their usual time off despite not travelling to family this year as they have a big holiday booked in January and somebody who has covered all the other years requesting the time off..

    I booked my overseas holiday over Xmas/New year a few months ago knowing that my company won't confirm who can have what leave until November when they estimate how busy they will be.

    If I can't have the time off, I will hand in my notice - No hissy fits, sense of entitlement or blackmail, just that I am on a temporary contract anyway.

    I booked the holiday knowing the risk and if push comes to shove, I'll quit the job, go on holiday, then look for a new job in the new year.

    If I chose to leave booking my holiday until November, I will struggle to get the flights and accommodation that I want, plus the cost will be much higher. The second factor is that my partner is self employed and has virtually no work in the festive period and it means losing a significant amount of pay if its booked at other times of the year.

    It's not my fault the employer can't seem to sort out their holiday arrangements until close to Xmas/New year but it's just the way it is. It still leaves me able to hand in my month's notice and go on my holiday.
  • Peter333
    Peter333 Posts: 2,035 Forumite
    edited 7 September 2015 at 9:04PM
    BigAunty wrote: »
    I booked my overseas holiday over Xmas/New year a few months ago knowing that my company won't confirm who can have what leave until November when they estimate how busy they will be.

    If I can't have the time off, I will hand in my notice - No hissy fits, sense of entitlement or blackmail, just that I am on a temporary contract anyway.

    I booked the holiday knowing the risk and if push comes to shove, I'll quit the job, go on holiday, then look for a new job in the new year.

    If I chose to leave booking my holiday until November, I will struggle to get the flights and accommodation that I want, plus the cost will be much higher. The second factor is that my partner is self employed and has virtually no work in the festive period and it means losing a significant amount of pay if its booked at other times of the year.

    It's not my fault the employer can't seem to sort out their holiday arrangements until close to Xmas/New year but it's just the way it is. It still leaves me able to hand in my month's notice and go on my holiday.

    This is all very well if you don't need to work, and you don't need your job. Very, very few people could do this; just say 'hey to hell with my job, I am having Christmas off, and if they sack me, I will just get another job in January.'

    It seems remarkably irresponsible to do this, and I can't imagine anyone doing it unless they were a young person/teen living with parents, or someone who is doing the job for pin money. Most people could not possibly take the risk of jacking their job in, in December, and hopefully getting another one in January.

    Moreover, the chances are very low of them getting another job very quickly anyway, if they have bailed on the previous one so they can go on holiday at Christmas! Like I said, incredibly irresponsible behaviour. I wouldn't even interview you if you came into my place in January after letting your company down over Christmas and getting the sack.

    Re the OP; her husband is behaving like a petulant, spoilt brat. He is a grown man of 48, not a teenager. And it's not like he has had to work the last 10 Christmases; he has had every Christmas off since he started. His sense of entitlement is phenomenal. Why does he think he is more entitled to Christmas off than anyone else there?

    Yes it is aggrieving that the manager has booked herself off, (and her 2 favourite colleagues too,) but still, to threaten to have 2 weeks off sick when he has a home and a wife and 2 children is frankly outrageous. I know many people who have worked 5 Christmases in a row or more (including Christmas day; ) who work in care, in hospitality, in the health service, in the emergency services, and in pubs. And also many others who only get Christmas day and Boxing day off! This guy has been majorly spoilt!

    That said, I agree with the poster above who said bite the bullet and work this Christmas and New year, but do them no more favours. When the manager wants cover for Easter, and bank holidays, and the summer weeks; say no. And tell her why. Also tell her that a complaint will be put in higher up, if he is made to work Christmas and New year next year, as it will show gross unfairness and favouritism. They do need a better system I think, but this guy's behaviour sucks!
    You didn't, did you? :rotfl::rotfl:
  • pol-zeath
    pol-zeath Posts: 110 Forumite
    edited 7 September 2015 at 9:09PM
    HappyMJ wrote: »
    Not much. Just answer back "if you don't like it then find something else" and leave it at that.

    Personally I wouldn't mention the lack of money. You'll just have to work around that.

    If he calls in sick and he is not actually sick, celebrating Christmas instead he could find himself out of a job so I'd start by cutting back on all of your expenses now ready for this possible eventuality.

    I know having no money coming in will be stressful for you but you can really live on very little and if he's really that stressed in the role maybe he'll be better off not working there any more but he also can't have the family complaining there's no money or it'll make the stress worse. Yhave Chrisou'll have to help support him find another job.

    Actually when you have been used to two incomes coming in each week you can't live on very little.
    OP's husband doesn't seem stressed at work, she reports that his work is a bit of a "doddle". His main complaint is he can't have Christmas off like he has for the last 12 years in this employment.
    The comment "he can't have his family complaining there's no money or it'll make the stress worse" is ridiculous. The stress is of his own making with childish threats of ringing in sick all over Christmas, he needs to grow up and stop causing HIS wife unnecessary stress
  • orlao
    orlao Posts: 1,090 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    BigAunty wrote: »
    I booked my overseas holiday over Xmas/New year a few months ago knowing that my company won't confirm who can have what leave until November when they estimate how busy they will be.

    If I can't have the time off, I will hand in my notice - No hissy fits, sense of entitlement or blackmail, just that I am on a temporary contract anyway.

    I booked the holiday knowing the risk and if push comes to shove, I'll quit the job, go on holiday, then look for a new job in the new year.

    If I chose to leave booking my holiday until November, I will struggle to get the flights and accommodation that I want, plus the cost will be much higher. The second factor is that my partner is self employed and has virtually no work in the festive period and it means losing a significant amount of pay if its booked at other times of the year.

    It's not my fault the employer can't seem to sort out their holiday arrangements until close to Xmas/New year but it's just the way it is. It still leaves me able to hand in my month's notice and go on my holiday.

    That's fair enough BigAunty. The important difference is the lack of strops and hissy fits...:D

    And I agree that November is too late to be talking about Christmas leave.
  • Last year I asked back in February if anyone had any objections to me having Christmas off as we wanted to go away.

    Luckily I was working with a bunch of adults who didn't mind me having this time off.

    This year I've asked if I can have New Years Eve off and again as adults we've all agreed what time we're having off
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

🚀 Getting Started

Hi new member!

Our Getting Started Guide will help you get the most out of the Forum

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 351.9K Banking & Borrowing
  • 253.5K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 454.1K Spending & Discounts
  • 244.9K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 600.5K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 177.4K Life & Family
  • 258.7K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 16.2K Discuss & Feedback
  • 37.6K Read-Only Boards

Is this how you want to be seen?

We see you are using a default avatar. It takes only a few seconds to pick a picture.