People make rude comments to me because they think I am a young mother. How do I deal

Andypandyboy · 27 August 2015 at 10:46AM

Trust me, if this is happening it will pass all too soon!

Catwoman1975 · 27 August 2015 at 10:55AM

I am nearly 40 and still get comments about being a young mum. My daughter is an adult and I get the "you don't look old enough" comments all the time. I take it as a compliment and say thank you. People are just making conversation, they don't mean any harm. Sometimes I look at young mums when I am out, but in a sympathetic way, as I remember how hard it was. Hope they don't think I am judging.

Trek_girl · 27 August 2015 at 10:58AM

My point is just that part of the reason people say they think I am young is because I am naturally very slim.

Trek_girl · 27 August 2015 at 11:00AM

Petra_70 wrote: »

I do wonder 'Trek Girl' if you are blowing this massively out of proportion, and over-inflating the situation. Do people really have so much time to spare in their day, that they will go around staring at, and judging every woman with children, who looks a bit young? I accept that many mid 30-somethings look fairly young, but I doubt you look 15.

Much younger mothers than you are in abundance these days. I see many who look 16-19 who are on their second or third child when I am in the main town a few miles from me. And guess what? I don't stare at them, and I don't see anyone else doing it either.

I just don't think these days that it's a huge big deal, and can't fathom why random strangers would target you... People 'looking at you sideways,' and people demanding to know your age and why you're a mother. Really?

I think you may be suffering from paranoia. IMO you have a slight issue with having kids quite young, along with looking younger than you do, so you assume everyone thinks you must have been 13 when you had your first child, In reality, most people don't give a stuff.

If ever anyone actually does say anything derogatory; just say 'mind your own damn business.'

I just don't see a problem here.

I am not suffering from paranoia. The comments are real and even my daughter now says her classmates asked her why her mum is so young.

double_mummy · 27 August 2015 at 11:02AM

Trek_girl wrote: »

1. I am not a 'teen mom' but even if I were it would be none of their business. People are rape victims, had bad upbringings or just made mistakes and end up pregnant. They deserve compassion. People who had abortions do not get judged on a daily basis like I do.

I am a teen mum had my 1st at 17 2nd at 20

you are just as bad as the rest of them!!!! i love how the only option of being a teen mum was for something negative to happen i look older so never really had a problem with any of that - my SIL who is 5 years younger and looks very young got a lot of hassle when she took my kids out as little ones

please feel free to return to your paranoid little judgmental world you sound amazingly happy there

happyandcontented · 27 August 2015 at 11:03AM

Take it as a compliment. I have a 31 year old and often get told that I don't look old enough!

fairy_lights · 27 August 2015 at 11:22AM

Trek_girl wrote: »

On the bus, checkout person at Asda, playground mums, butchers...
When I am with my child and have to have an interaction with a stranger, ice cream man even, they feel the need to say something and it makes me paranoid about the ones who say nothing.

Are you sure it's not (at least partly) in your mind? You're assuming that people who don't comment on your age are thinking about it, which does sound very paranoid.
There's nothing unusual about young mums, and how do people even know you're your daughters mother and not her sister anyway, if you look so young?
I know quite a few young mums, some of them also slim and baby faced and they don't get the sort of reaction you describe.