Who should pay?

heartbreak_star

Another one in the "sell the tickets" group. I think feelings-wise I would actually be raging that she didn't check in advance about the date, but I'd keep it to myself, smile sweetly and move on.

HBS x

DaftyDuck

I'd take a different approach. You were going to take her, as a present. You didn't much like the band, so had effectively bought them just for her. Same as buying her some gloves, a bottle of perfume, whatever. She was to benefit.

So, give her the tickets. Let her sell them, if she chooses, and let her do what she chooses with the money. She may choose to give you some, or all. She may keep it. She may even end up going there with you.

It doesn't sound like you were that insistent on keeping that date clear, making plain that it HAD to be that date, and was a big expenditure. So, she didn't exactly choose the date of her friend's wedding either. She'd still have the embarrassing choice of upsetting you, or her friend.

She's poor. She's also your friend. She's offered a fix (finding someone to go with you, buy their ticket).

So, I'd give her both tickets anyway. If the gloves you'd bought her didn't fit, or she reacted to the perfume, you wouldn't expect to sell them to recoup your "loss". It was a present....

Woolwich_Kim

When I asked her to choose the date, I did make clear it was so that I can book something therefore she was aware that it was date specific. There was only 4 dates to choose from which is why I wanted her to choose the date, so that it was suitable to her and I was willing to work around to what suits her even if it meant taking a days annual leave. Actually at the time only 3 dates were announced but two dates she couldn't do and one she was unsure of. Then I discover a 4th date was scheduled so I ran this by her which she said was do-able. Negotiating a date with her took most of a week. She has even put this in her phone calendar. I went ahead and booked the tickets, I would not have booked anything unless a date was agreed by both.

I understand I can just give her the tickets anyway (I have to pick this up from the box office on the day as I didn't want to pay extra for special delivery and the plan was to go there anyway), but unlike a bottle of perfume I had also purchased a ticket for myself to accompany her. Although buying a ticket for her was the present, it wouldn't have been nice to buy her a ticket and expect her to go on her own.

She now knows what the tickets is for (I had to tell her if she is going to try and find someone to go in her place) and feels gutted but also feels bad that this has happened due to her lacking in attention to detail and forgetting about the date.

I'm not sure if both tickets are transferrable, I will have to do some research on this. As mentioned, I would have to pick up the tickets myself with the card I purchased it with. I expect one or both would have my name on it as I booked it but I wasn't (not that I can remember) asked for her name at the time of booking.

DavidF

It seems to me that even asking her to contribute to the cost of these tickets would in effect be you punishing her for not being able to keep a date free for you. It is a given that the wedding comes 1st so it is just a case of sell the tickets and move on.
I feel that if a friend of mine even broached the subject of my paying for even part of these tickets then I probably WOULD pay up but that would be the last you would be hearing from me lol. I would be off telling my other friends about my ex friend Kim who demanded cash for my birthday present that I could not even enjoy lol.
Super easy to sell both tickets and if the band are that popular you will most probably be able to make a profit......maybe the profit might take the sting out of your disappointment ?

mellymoo74

she isnt lacking in attention to detail, a wedding would trump this.
You seem to be really upset because your nice thing failed and the telling her achieved what? Do you feel better having made her feel guilty

jetplane

Hmm the fact that you gave her 4 dates to choose from and a week to double check the dates I think I would be mightily upset too. At best it was careless of her, particularly as the wedding date was already known, plus you will have the inconvenience of going to the box office on the day.

Pollycat

Woolwich_Kim wrote: »

I'm not sure if both tickets are transferrable, I will have to do some research on this. As mentioned, I would have to pick up the tickets myself with the card I purchased it with. I expect one or both would have my name on it as I booked it but I wasn't (not that I can remember) asked for her name at the time of booking.

Can you find out if the concert is a sell-out?

Even if you have to go and pick the tickets up on the day, you may be able to sell them to a tout or would-be attendee and recoup some of the money.

fierystormcloud

Woolwich_Kim wrote: »

Hi, long time no see.

- My friend has never been to a concert in her whole life and one of her all time favourite bands disbanded a few years ago but are doing a one off gig to mark a big anniversary.

- I thought it would be a nice treat to her to surprise her with tickets as a combined birthday and Xmas gift, as this is a one off gig and they are not likely to tour again. I check dates and ran them by her, asking her to select a date and keep it free for me ( I do not tell her where I'm taking her, just let her know I want to plan to take her out).

- She selects the date and I book the tickets. I booked about 2 months ago, the concert is in A couple of months time.

- She mentioned to me last week that she has a hen do this weekend in her home town. A close relative of hers is getting married.

- When I met with her this evening after she just got back from it, she tells me all about the hen party. I ask her when is the hen actually getting married. She says in a couple of months time but does not remember the exact date. I say to her "I hope it's not dd/mm as you said you'd keep that date free for me". She has forgotten which date she kept free for me, she checks her phone diary for that date and all she had put in there is "keep free for Kim".

- When I got home, she sends me a text saying she has just checked the wedding invite and it does happen to be on 'my date'. She apologises and asks can I get a refund on whatever it is I booked.

- I knew the answer was no but I double check with ticket agent which confirms once tickets are booked, it is not refundable or exchangeable unless ticket protection was purchased.

- I tell her what it is I had booked for her and explain the above situation that it was not refundable or exchangeable and remind her that I did book (& bypassed the protection option) based on her word that the date (that she selected) is reserved for me. She feels guilty and offers to find another friend to go with me and will get them to buy her ticket from me.

- What if she or I don't find someone to take her place? she has not offered to pay me the money if this was the case, although I do feel confident that she would offer in the end.

- If nobody wants to take her place, I do not fancy going alone especially as I'm not much of a fan of this band anyway so I am wondering would it be right to ask her to pay back for both tickets and not just her own?

Woolwich_Kim wrote: »

When I asked her to choose the date, I did make clear it was so that I can book something therefore she was aware that it was date specific. There was only 4 dates to choose from which is why I wanted her to choose the date, so that it was suitable to her and I was willing to work around to what suits her even if it meant taking a days annual leave. Actually at the time only 3 dates were announced but two dates she couldn't do and one she was unsure of. Then I discover a 4th date was scheduled so I ran this by her which she said was do-able. Negotiating a date with her took most of a week. She has even put this in her phone calendar. I went ahead and booked the tickets, I would not have booked anything unless a date was agreed by both.

She now knows what the tickets is for (I had to tell her if she is going to try and find someone to go in her place) and feels gutted but also feels bad that this has happened due to her lacking in attention to detail and forgetting about the date.

I'm not sure if both tickets are transferrable, I will have to do some research on this. As mentioned, I would have to pick up the tickets myself with the card I purchased it with. I expect one or both would have my name on it as I booked it but I wasn't (not that I can remember) asked for her name at the time of booking.

I don't understand why bits keep being added. Some detail in the second post here were not in the first. The more people tell you what you don't want to hear, the more you are adding to support your case. You are now saying you spent a week going through the dates with her??? And I noticed you commenting that you think she spends too much on luxuries anyway, (in your first post) and I think this seems rather rude. If I were your friend and I knew about what you thought of me, and that you were talking about me on here, and planning on getting your money back, I would be very upset.

The upshot is that you have no right to ask her for this money because it was a gift. People keep telling you this, but you're not listening. All you're saying is 'yeah but, yeah but, yeah but...' and then adding bits to support your argument. The fact is that you took a risk and it hasn't paid off.

I agree with the poster who said if my friend asked me to do this, I would pay her and then she would never see me again. Like many posters have said; this was a gift, not something she asked you to get and then reneged on paying you for. Just suck it up and move on.

I can't actually see this friendship lasting because you are always going to be full of resentment and bitterness towards her if you say nothing and accept the loss. OR she will have been asked for £200 from you for your 'loss' and she won't particularly want to be your friend anymore.

TBagpuss

It is really disappointing, but the bottom line is that this was a gift - you can't really turn round and ask her to repay you.

I think the best thing to do is to see whether you can re-sell of transfer the tickets, or alternatively let her have the tickets and then she can re-sell them if she wants.

Unless you are able to sucessfully re-sell the tickets then you need not get another gift for her.

If the concert is sell about you might also be able to return the tickets for resale by the venue, in which case you would get a refund less an admin fee. Re-read the terms of sale - a lot of events will do this but *only* if the event is sold out.
Similarly it may be possible to get them transferred to a new name for an admin fee, if it is not practical for you to get to the venue to collect them and pass them on to another person, if you do resell them.

Have a look for fan pages / twitter/tumblr accounts for the band in question, you may well find that there are people looking for tickets or who have experience of dealing with exchanges etc.

Have you double checked with your friend that she still can't do any of the other dates? If she can, then it might be possible to echange the tickets for one of the other gigs

lazer

i bought a friend a ticket to a gig for her birthday, but it turned out she couldn't make it.

Sold the tickets and used the money to buy a replacement present for her.

I do see that you have a right to be annoyed, but no right to recoup any money from the friend.
You were happy to spend £200 on a present for your friend, it so happens that the friend won't be able to use the present, but it doens't change how much money you spent on the gift.

You have neither lost or gained any money. In fact if you don't go to the concert you are probably saving money on transport, drink, food, merchandise etc.

what you do from here is up to you:

Options:
Go to the concert yourself with another friend
Sell the tickets (perhaps contact the seller and see if you can get them posted now?
If you sell the tickets you can keep the money, or use the money to buy an alternative present